Category Archives: Hate Mail

Dealing with your Personal Troll, Personally

drawing of snarky satan in bowtie
Self Portrat digitized in Adobe Illustrator

This is from the sidebar of the most recent Hate Mail exchange titled “Mr. Nobody’s Flickering Light” but I felt it was worth highlighting on its own here for those who might have missed it.

Trolling’s definition has only been widely understood by the public within the last decade or so, years after my site was first posted, which in itself was a lesser form a trolling.

Jesus Dressup trolled Christians, ie: it fished for a reaction, which I in turn would post as entertainment in my “Hate Mail”. However it was more of a passive troll because I wasn’t invading blogs & online communities to post the link for a response. That just happened by me putting it out there publicly for people to fall into on their own. It did however give me great insight on how to handle trolls, and pretty much snuff out their light between my fingers.

The technique is simple, but has to be handled delicately, and with a momentary shedding of ones pride. It’s a process of gently, very subtly convincing them that you’re submitting and want to be their penpal, because the one thing trolls don’t have is friends. That’s their weak spot. And playing to it is a graceful dance which can’t be resisted by the lonely troll.

The key is to act as if you’re impressed with their insight & cleverness in a believable way (without trace of sarcasm). Things like-
• “What’s funny is I wouldn’t think you could tell all those things about me from a simple email exchange [reading my blog, my Facebook wall, seeing my picture, etc] but it’s weird how you know these things.” or,
• “Lots of those things you said I know are true, I just have trouble admitting to them. It’s kind of embarrassing to think someone could figure all that stuff out like that.”

Also include an apology of some sort, or an act of submission like,
• “I actually didn’t mean to come off that way. I apologize if I sounded defensive, or jerky, [use words they used here]. I’m really looking to change these things about me.”

These are things a troll wants to hear so it’s easily believed. Using their words also plays to their pride.

Once you’ve got them, (and you’ll know you’ve got them because they’ll drop the persona to keep you as a submissive in hopes that you’ll revel further in their glory), that’s when you pull the rug out from under them and reject them on a personal level. It’s harsh, but believe me, deserved. In some cases this process has been known to destroy the troll altogether.

When constructing your rejection letter it’s really important that you don’t sound angry or emotionally frazzled. Simply express sorrowful pity for the situation they’ve found themselves in.
And keep it short.

Then, and this is important, never respond to their emails again. Don’t even open them. After you’ve tossed them aside and made it clear they’ve been completely rejected as a human being you’ll find that they’ll be stumbling over themselves like a broken winged crow to get you back in line. The emails that follow will be long & drawn out, one after the other sometimes just minutes apart, reeking of desperation. It’s an extremely clumsy struggle, and a complete shunning is almost manditory from here on out.
However, if you absolutely cannot resist, a short but sweet“LOL!” (and nothing more) reply to their followups will do the trick every time. For some reason those three capitol letters are a nail in the coffin to a fumbling troll.

It may seem a little cruel at face value, and I promise you they will feel that rejection deeply, but it squashes their power and can dissuade them from future trollings.

An example of this method being used properly can be read on page 510 of my Hate Mail section here.


Amazing Strangers Hate Mail!

There’s been a plethora of condemning words and scolding from my comments section on YouTube directed at your’s truly over things that have been happening at the Square lately. So many people are offended to find out that their comments might not be getting the respect they deserve from me, and they’re lashing out with personal insults, bold accusations and even threats to come kick my ass and smash our phones! So I thought maybe if I respond to this lengthy complaint letter I could clear up some of these misunderstandings, or confirm their vitriol.

Mr. Nobody’s Flickering Light

“Please don’t post my messages, or talk about it with your strangers, including your Shaggy…”

Subject: Circus

Please don’t post my messages, or talk about it with your strangers, including your Shaggy friend; I’d prefer to remain off the roster.

I’m ill and stuck in bed mostly, and have watched all of the Stranger videos. I think watching makes me feel iller, but I have some fascination, similar to seeing mosquitoe larvae swimming in a dirty puddle.

My general impression is that NYC must be heavily centered around cultures related to the performing arts. The strangers all share desires related to the spectacle. It seems obvious that many of the people you record from the steps are seeking you out, and putting on a show specifically because they’re aware of the camera.

Even social characters supposedly with psychological problems, like Dusty, seem to me to be clearly acting. But it is a blend with their personality, where their act isn’t entirely separate from their real persona. Which is partly why most of these people would be diagnosed with personality disorder.

It’d be interesting to go through the list of people and try to diagnose them to identify their specific motivations and dysfunctions.

But I hope you’re open to critical analysis pointed at you too, because it looks like you’re part of that same thing. Except, rather than being a trashy dysfunctional actor, you’re the director. Rather than be the spectacle, you play the quieter top-down behind-the-lens kind of overseer who puts the show together.

It’s a free public circus, and you claimed them as your freaks, to create a park of novelty and drama, that through the clearer defining of what already exists, you are able to brand in your name and essentially charge admission.

Except I looked at your numbers, and product, and you’re at the level of the bums asking for change. Which makes it interesting, because you’re kind of like a homeless director.

This gives you freedom, but what you do with that freedom is apparently build family with the mentally retarded and disorderly. Which makes your issue as interesting as theirs, because why would someone do that?

You apparently grew up in Christian land, so maybe when you were little there was tremendous desire to break out of that restricted lifestyle. Maybe that’s where you developed appeal for “punk”, and atheism. Maybe it is your own fetish, but you still haven’t been able to free yourself completely, so you find comfort in watching others do it for you, where you can pretend to be “normal”, when really you know you’re nothing of the sort.

Maybe in Christian land you felt like the freak, because compared to them you were. Maybe that bothered you, so you moved into a garbage dump, where relative to them, you’re Mother Theresa. But you’re also freer to act out, and embrace your inner punk.

But you’re an old man. Don’t you want a functional family? Are you married? Children? Did you escape a heart break when you ran away to the island of the freaks? Maybe you suffer from something similar to Shaggy. He seems to have a developmental problem where he is rooted in the persona of a 12 year old, along with low intelligence that might classify as mild retardation. You seem smarter, and more like 16, but still, similar in that you’re choosing to hang out in middle school for years.

It looks like maybe you started out with more documentation, and “freaking out squares”, which you learned can bring income with the magnets. You need to do more than sell some magnets, and shocking the world with trash TV is another opportunity to get attention, which really shows that you yourself are in the business of the spectacle, just like them.

But after a while you seemed to get really integrated into the native culture and it became your family, possibly even a main source of love. In the process, you create drama that wouldn’t exist, because you’re living as savages who are part of a family.

Like with Zippy, he clearly admired Shaggy, and that attraction to the love of the park family had him talking crazy of wanting to throw his life away for this tribe.

I feel the whole situation is being neglected. The park should be a facility built for the mentally ill, where qualified people are cleaning them up and preventing things like tooth loss and infection. They shouldn’t be brought to a hospital and released, they should all live there permanently. New York is really failing, in that they seem to leave wild wounded animals to infest the parks, only providing police to overlook.

One thing I can’t figure out is this:

This gem I never really talked about on the site. It’s moments like this that make me wonder if I’m the only one who totally appreciates what I do.

Describe what happens here to your buddy and he’ll look at you funny and say, “You subscribed to that channel why?”

In my eyes however, it’s a red ribbon.

It’s a video of you apparently mocking the dog molester guy. Put that together with your Christian bashing, and chuckles when Shaggy puts others down, and I’m wondering if your main motivation is to attack people. Is what you’re doing here to appreciate making fun of some guy where he sees it but doesn’t get it or whatever and walks away? To communicate with the wildlife through hand gestures? Is your red ribbon that you chased him out? Put down a retard and declare victory? Surely you’re not that stupid are you?

Maybe it has a lot to do with lust and love. Maybe the punk girl you fetishize is far more common there. Maybe the fleeting wins of catching the punk girl on camera, sometimes in states of undress, to have her coming to you confusing the attraction for the camera with attraction to you, opportunity to be close and interact with her, is worth much more than money to you. Maybe sometimes you have sex with them, maybe the masturbation material is enough, maybe you hold out on dreams one might bond with you.

Maybe you, like the rat in the hat, are under delusion that your production could be the next big thing.

Mister Nobody

MN,Well first of all, I don’t think there’s anything to fear in having your letter posted, or shared with Shaggy or anyone. I’ve never understood why people email me such rude & condemning letters, then prefix it with “Please don’t share this with anyone, or tell anyone what I’m saying, or tell them my made-up name!” You emailed me completely anonymous, then categorized me, in blunt detail, somewhere in-between a sad, lonely, old man and that guy who whipped the Elephant Man with his ringmaster’s baton. If I can take the public shaming, so can you. You’re just going to have to deal with it being posted for people to see.I will say however you did nail some of your descriptions of me on the head. I admit to my fascination with freaks, punk girls, and people living on the fringe all being directly related to the restrictions of my youth. Talking with my mom today she mentioned that my desire to plop myself down in the middle of such chaos probably has a lot to do with my struggle to be outgoing. By putting myself there people come to me. I know this is true. This also has a lot to do with why I enjoy Shaggy’s friendship so much. His ability to do and say things I cannot and his outgoing nature has always impressed me. I’ve said it before – these are parts of him I admire and would like to have rub off on me. Some of it has, and I am a better person because of it. Also, as a friend of Shaggy’s, you don’t know shit about him. I couldn’t hang out with someone for a decade if they weren’t smart. If you can’t see the cleverness in his observational skills & street-wise, then maybe it’s you who’s lacking something in the brains department?

In response to your more ugly assessments of me, I think you only reveal your own sad outlook while you are stuck sick in bed living life through YouTube videos. Instead of giving me any sort of break and considering that I’m attempting to be as honest as possible in these videos, like it or not, you assume most of my reasons are devious. What you see as “exploiting the retarded” or making fun of people with psychological problems, I see as showing real street life without sugarcoating or patronizing.

My main source of income is in the Jesus magnets, which is about 90% wholesale to stores across the US and worldwide, none of whom found me through my Amazing Strangers videos. I don’t know where you got your “charge for admission” accusation, or thinking I have some money-making agenda behind all of this. This probably reflects your perception of others (and in many cases, rightly so). However, anyone who actually knows me knows that money is not my first, or even my tenth motivator (I mean, I actually went and produced Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets! For profit?). There’s going to be no mainstream show from what I’m doing (too raw & politically incorrect). I put no ads on my videos, and charge nothing for anything I’m doing there. I actually lose money by making the postcards and giving them away, which I do because it’s fun, and I’m very proud of it.

Believe it or not the #1 motivator for me making these videos is because it’s a priceless truth-stranger-than-fiction diary of my daily experiences. The events that happen here are like nothing else, and documenting them is something only those involved can truly appreciate and understand. If you’re not at the park all the time like we all are, you’ll never fully get it. This fact is proven to me again and again in the comments section under the videos.

Anyone who actually comes to Union and experiences what’s happening there in real time immediately gets put in their place. You may have some grand solution for how we should be acting in each video, but the second your ass is there on the steps you’ll see how your ideas flop, and the way Shaggy and I handle ourselves actually works, and the lessons learned of value. The social experiment of it all should leave no question as to why it’s so interesting and so worth documenting.

When I first began my site I knew one thing I’d have to endure would be viewers assigning me the worst possible traits for why I’m doing what I’m doing, and then hearing their vivid analysis like it’s somehow so insightful. But since day one my main concern is not for what people on the internet think of me (a radical idea in today’s world), but instead only caring what people who actually know me in real life think. This is why my site has had such longevity (13 years), while others fail.

Having a wife & family has never been on my todo list. Expressing myself artistically I’ve found to be extremely fulfilling, and I’m having way too much fun being unmarried, kidless and free to change my mind anytime soon.

Thank you for your feedback, but next time please take into account your bedridden illness distorting how you perceive others before you put it all in print and hit “send.”

Btw, NYC is clearly not the city for you.

Normal Bob

Sara’s Demons

For you hate mail nerds (and I know you are out there and your numbers are plenty!), I have been continuing my correspondence with Sara. Your comments are always appreciated.

Sara’s emails continued from the previous page.

“…could you please not use cuss words?”

May I ask you a question? What has caused you to close your mind to the fact that God does exist? I don’t mean any disrespect, but could you please not use cuss words?

~Love & Prayers~


Hey Sara,Sorry about the cuss words in the previous response. I’ve got no problem avoiding the bad language. I just have to concentrate! Haha.

The change in mind for me happened when, after spending most of my teens + early twenties seriously contemplating the contradictions the belief teaches, those contradictions started to drive me mad. In my late twenties, realizing my beliefs in a loving god who’d let me go to hell, plus his unwillingness to actually show himself beyond of shadow of a doubt while basing my eternal future on it, and many other mind bending riddles, I’d had enough.

I knew that reasoning things out was the only way for me to feel sane again, which brought me to simply asking myself “What if it’s not true and there is no god?” Suddenly, things started to make sense and fall into place. My love of logically thinking things through paid off in spades the second god was removed from the equation. Jesus Dressup is an expression of me belittling the figurehead of all the false teachings that brought me to such a state of insanity. It is my declaration to the world that it no longer owns me.

Quite simply, I lost my belief because it didn’t make sense. It was really that simple. And in the last 13 years as an atheist my life has improved in leaps and bounds. I feel more in control than I ever did with the belief, and I’m consistently reminded of how thankful I am to no longer have my mind caged in religious belief. While around me I see people who spiral out of control trying to maintain a death grip on it.

Trust me, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I used to believe too, and I know just how shocking this may seem. All I can say is when you find yourself trapped in a world of confusion as a result of your beliefs not making sense in the real world, consider that it’s all make-believe, and by accepting truth over what feels good is actually healthier for the mind.

The importance of holding on tight to ones sanity isn’t prioritized enough in today’s culture. I fell victim to that, and my goal is to spread the word of sanity by replacing faith with logic.

Does that answer your question?


“have you ever thought that the reason things seemed to be going better, that just maybe, God was trying to give you a sign?”

Well, first off, Thank you for not using bad language! This may be a dumb question, but I’m going to ask it anyway… Do you believe that there’s a devil?

God is a loving God! BUT He is also a just God. A lot of people just take the loving part and that’s it. They seem to forget about God being a just God! I’m not going to lie to you, I have had my share of doubts too, but it seemed like the more I questioned, the more God revealed things to me and helped me to understand things a little better than what I was.  Again, I don’t mean any disrespect, but have you ever thought that the reason things seemed to be going better, that just maybe, God was trying to give you a sign? Maybe He was trying to get you to realize that He is there and that He does love you, even though you questioned or doubted or whatever! Maybe I’m wrong, but I really don’t feel that I am.  I know that there are a lot of things are hard to understand, but I really don’t think that we are meant to understand EVERYTHING until we meet the Lord. Does that make any sense to you?

You’re entitled to your own beliefs as am I and anyone else for that matter. BUT, have you ever thought that maybe you’re wrong? I mean, it’s a possibility, right? I’m not going to try to “convert” you or anything, all I can do is share the love of God with you and pray for you. The rest is up to you!

May I ask you another question? Was there something bad that happened in your life that caused all this?  If it’s alright with you, I would like to be your friend…if you want to that is.  I don’t know how you feel about the reason why things happen, but I feel like everything happens for a reason…who knows, this could be a divine appointment 🙂

~Love & Prayers~


Hey Sara,No, I do not believe in the devil. I don’t believe in any gods, angels, devils or supernatural beings. I believe they are 100% made up by humans. We’ve been inventing them throughout history, around the world. There are so many of them in fact, they seem to be our specialty.

One of the truly wonderful burdens I was able to drop was the puzzle of thinking I had to decode life’s ups & downs as messages from God. Messages so ambiguous that no matter what’s happening in my life, whether I find a penny or grandpa dies, there’s a translation I’m responsible for working out.

I’m assuming if I’d told you times were awful, I’m broke and my cat just got run over, your assessment of what God’s telling me would be obvious. He disapproves of what I’m doing so I’d better stop or more’s on the way. However I’m bewildered by the notion that he’s making my life satisfying & prosperous to show me he still cares despite? Sara, if he were real, he’d know the extent of my complete disbelief and the uselessness of making life pleasant to show me the error of my ways.

I’m wondering how you’d translate god’s message to a starving child in India?

Sara, this is a perfect example of what I described before. There’s a million ways one could translate secret messages from another dimension. But once you drop the concept, answers are simple. Coincidences are coincidences, now lets get on with life.

The bad thing that happened that caused my disbelief was exactly what I described before. I was going mental, and it was making life miserable. I was raised up by religion and its direction was leading me down a path of confusion, ignorance & sadness. Decoding god was taking up more brain power than I had, yet it was my responsibility to decode it. When I dropped the madness it was like placing both my hands on a wobbling steering wheel. Accepting that none of these things are messages from god really makes organizing ones life far more manageable. You should try it!

I have no problem whatsoever being pen pals with you as long as you don’t mind me constantly attempting to talk you into dropping your religious beliefs and your belief in god. Not only do I think they’re untrue, but also poisonous. Poisonous to not only you but those around you too.

Short of that, I hope to hear from you again!


“Satan has tried to play mind games on me for years!!”


I’m sure that you will think that I’m crazy (if you don’t already) but what if I told you that I have seen the face of a couple demons?

The reason that I said what I did about God blessing you (despite how you believe or are living) is maybe He’s trying to prove that He does love you! I’m not saying for sure that it is Him, but I am saying that He could be…anything’s possible right?! The thing is, He does know the extent of your disbelief and He STILL loves you!! If He didn’t, He wouldn’t have sent His only son to die for you or anybody.

About what you said about you wondering how I would translate God’s message to a starving child in India… Easy, I would feed whoever I could! And show them the love of God!! Because that is what one of the things His message is… Is to love one another and to spread not only His word but to show others His love!!

When you believed, did you also believe in the devil and demons? Because, when you felt like you were going mental, I strongly believe that that is what was behind it!! I know, I’ve been there. There have been times when I questioned, wondered if all of this was real, I wondered why God would let bad things happen to me all the time… BUT then I would grow in the Lord and in His word and things were being revealed to me. God has us go through things to strengthen our faith in Him! The mind is the battlefield, satan and his demons try to put things into our minds to get us to think that we’re crazy, and to just give up and walk away from God… Satan has tried to play mind games on me for years!! Yes, sometimes it worked, BUT not anymore. Because I know the God I serve, and I know that He is greater than ANY evil thing in this world!!

All I can really tell you is all the things that God has done in my life… He has delivered me from MANY of bad situations, addictions, pain, and more.  I know what God can do, I have seen it and I have felt it! I kinda feel like you know it too! If I’m wrong, I apologize… But I know that God is real and He does love you, and He does believe in you, even though you don’t believe in Him!!!

Thank you for being my pen pal… But, I just want to let you know that whatever you say to try to get me to walk away from God, it won’t work. People have tried to get me to walk away from God before and I’m glad and proud to say that I’m still living for Him and doing whatever I can for Him!!

~Love & Prayers~


Sara,After reading your email, the main question I was left with was – If God, Jesus, Satan & demons were make-believe and it was all just in your head, and the Bible was complete fiction, and this was all proved beyond the shadow of a doubt would you still believe? Quite simply, if it wasn’t true would you still believe despite?

Now I already know your gut reaction is to exclaim, “IT IS TRUE AND I DO BELIEVE!” But just hypothetically please give me an honest answer to this question. It would mean a great, great deal to me.

The reason I ask is because I need to know where you’re coming from. It’s important for me to know why you believe what you do. From what it sounds like, there’s no amount of evidence, reason, or logic that could ever sway you from believing. It sounds like you could never be swayed because you are completely emotionally tied to it, and unable to consider life without it. It’s no longer about whether or not it’s fact, but instead simply about your personal need. It’s completely okay with me if that’s the case, but it’s important for me to know where you’re coming from before I change my whole life’s direction based on your assurances. You see, I don’t feel that need.

In answer to your questions, Yes, I believed in demons and Satan when I considered myself a Christian. However, I also believed in the Tooth Fairy, the Loch Ness Monster, my parents never did anything wrong, and a magician’s tricks are actual magic! Then, at some point I started to ask myself why I believed the things I do. And the greater the claim (like wishing on a star, or Santa’s flying reindeer), the greater amount of evidence required to maintain that belief. My feeling was (and still is) that part of becoming a responsible adult is demanding sensible reasons for what I believe to be true or false. In short, my disbelief in the Bible is based on my quest to become a responsible, thinking adult.

Anyhow, your answer to that initial question is what interests me most.

I look forward to your response.

Thank you!


“You’re right about there not being any amount of logic or evidence that could change the way I believe.”


Sorry it has been so long since I’ve replied. A lot of things going on.

In regards to your question  “If God, Jesus, Satan & demons were make-believe and it was all just in your head, and the Bible was complete fiction, and this was all proved beyond the shadow of a doubt would you still believe?” I’m going to be perfectly honest with you… I have questioned over the last 14 years of my life as to whether or not if God really does exist. But whenever that thought pops into my head God proves His existence to me, yet again. You’re right about there not being any amount of logic or evidence that could change the way I believe. God has done way too much for me. He has healed me, He has delivered me from MANY bad situations, He has delivered me from cigarettes, He has delivered me from anxiety, He has been there for me when nobody else was. He has been my best friend. I can go to Him anytime I want when something is bothering me and He is always there to listen to me and to pick me back up. I can’t imagine my life without God in it, and quite frankly, I don’t want to. It ALL comes down to faith. Yes, it’s hard to have faith whenever you can’t see something. But I know that Jesus told Thomas that blessed are those who believe and have not seen.

I don’t like to broadcast this, but I do want to share something with you… For the past couple weeks or so, I have been really depressed, hateful, moody, and oppressed. I knew what was wrong with me, I also knew where it came from. I tried to rebuke that demonic spirit, I even said the words. But I didn’t mean it. Well, Wednesday night at church, my pastor’s wife came over to me during the altar call and started praying for me, and she seen that that thing was in me. Time passed and she kept praying for me and it finally came out of me. The point I’m trying to make is that satan places mental strongholds on people, just like the spirit of depression and oppression. It’s up to us to recognize it and call it out and want it out of us. I don’t mean anything bad by this but have you ever gave it any thought that that is what happened to you?

~Jesus loves you~


Sara,Believe it or not, I know right precisely, exactly where you are in your belief, the refusal of evidence against it, and the constant issues with anxiety, stress, depression & hauntings. My mother is where you’re at, and has been for the last 50 years or so. I am also aware that you are also probably incapable of believing me when I tell you that I’ve freed myself of those troubles when I dropped my belief 13 years ago. I’ve been an atheist that long, so the idea that Satan having a mental stronghold on me isn’t something I ever consider.

Whenever I am feeling helpless, sick, sad, confused or troubled, demon possession isn’t on the list. As an atheist, I start with the basics: Has something happened that I have a real reason to be troubled over, like someone I care about is struggling? Bills to pay? Have I wronged someone and feel guilt? I try to focus directly on whatever it may be and try to solve the issue, or work through it, depending.

Now, there are times I find myself troubled and the reason isn’t as obvious as all that.That’s when I ask myself other questions. Have I eaten well today? Am I hungry now? Have I gotten out of the house and socialized with people or friends? Have I been staring at my computer screen too long? Have I been drinking enough water? Do I need to go to the bathroom? And you know what, Sara? I’ve discovered most of my issues are easily solved with simple, logical answers like those.

My mother, on the other hand, is right where you’re at. She believes demons are on the attack, God is there to help her as much as he’s willing, and his random, ambiguous signs are peppered about for her to try and translate. Thinking of the world my mom lives in where everything is a possible message from God that she’s supposed to decipher correctly or face the consequences makes me very sad for her.

This last 4th of July for instance, she was overwhelmed at the prospect of having a lot of people over. At the height of her panic she opened the bible and read a passage about fasting and how doing it assists prayers in getting answered. As a result she didn’t eat for those days around the 4th. Obviously none of this solved anything, or made her happy. Instead she had a mental breakdown swearing she was doing battle against demons. She really scared us all a lot.

Afterwards, after everyone had left, my mom and I had a long discussion about what had happened. I told her a lot of what I’ve told you here in this letter.

One of the main things I couldn’t understand in her thinking (and yours) is this – We are flawed, right? Our brains are imperfect. We’re able to believe things that aren’t true, and even lie to ourselves when truth we don’t like is staring us in the face. But the one mistake her brain isn’t making and CANNOT be questioned (like you’ve stated above) is the belief in God. No matter what, it’s not up for debate because your brain is flawless in this one instant.

Sara, I am always questioning what I believe. I also change my mind over long held beliefs, and even if the truth is scary I still consider that I may be wrong, and the scary thing might be the truth. Truth is quite often the scarier of the possible answers. And what I do is, I try to solve the problems using my reasoning abilities, and any sort of evidence I have at hand. Keeping a grip on my sanity is important to me, and in my opinion the faith based belief in God throws sanity to the wind. That’s where all of these issues stem, for both you and my mom, because faith opposes sanity.

I know I’m not going to change your mind, but at the very least you can understand my reasons. I see this again and again: Sanity not being prioritized like it should be, and the affect this has on not only yourself, but the people around you as well. Staying sane is my way of promoting my happiness and feeling of control, and that’s what I work to promote.

Normal Bob


Hate for the Holidays

“What if I were a Muslim, and someone made fun of Allah or Mohammed? How would I feel then?”

That question, and many others get answered in this weeks very special page of Hate Mail.

“Let’s say you were a f@#%*!g muslim, what about if I put up a website where I degrade that allah or mahomet… Would you like to see that…?”

Hi “Mr. Bob Smith” (if that is indeed your real name),

If you thought that dressing up like Satan and selling T-shirts, magnets and gadgets with this highly controversial theme would make you stand out of the crowd, you’ve succeeded. Too bad for yourself that we live in an age in which we should all be “politically correct”  yet there are websites like yours that are really distasteful and highly offensive to ALL christians.

I don’t know what religion you are (if you have one), and I don’t care, what I want to tell you is that your webpage is outrageously disgusting, distasteful, and offensive to millions of people in the world (not only in America)!

Let’s say you were a f@#%*!g muslim, what about if I put up a website where I degrade that allah or mahomet of yours, like you do on your website? Would you like to see that there is a popular website with your religious leader ridiculed in such a way?

I don’t think so, and if you would like it, it would show to all how sick and perverted you are.

You will do all of us a favor if you take down this website and stop your hate-spree.

I am positively ashamed that on this great thing called earth there are beings like you that instill anger, hate and extremely negative things in otherwise good and really normal people that are all geared toward yourself and guys like you! Are you some kind of sadomasochist?

There is no space for you and the likes of you on this earth!

Do yourself a favor, take the bloody f@#%*!g website down, and NEVER write or post anything like this again!

Marco Francesco Mario Guandalini

Imagine if I were a Muslim? That’s your retort? Had you thought maybe you deserve to have your god mocked if it’s led you to a place where you’re defending him by asking hecklers to imagine what it’s like? I think I used that same argument on my older brother while he made me hit myself in the head with my own hand.I’d scream at him, “Imagine if my head were a pot of gold! Ouch! And every time you made me hit it, Ouch! some gold fell out and was lost forever! Ouch, god-dangit!! Would you like that?!?!”

Marco Francesco Mario Guandalini, I regret to inform you that my line of protest had the complete opposite effect on my brother. And if I were in your shoes right now, I’d start thinking that perhaps I hadn’t been properly suited up for the show of life, and maybe, unconsciously I was leaving myself an open target to further ridicule in the not so distant future, and my fumbles were being recorded for future generations to giggle and titter to.

Imagine this, Marco. Imagine you were instead a thinking, rational adult with the ability to visualize himself in someone else’s shoes trying to understand how one could believe in magical gods who coincidentally lorded over the religion he was accidentally born into. Imagine having inner-arguments with yourself this complicated and working it out in your head before it ever got typed into an email and the “Send Message” button clicked.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Marco, I am the teasing big brother in the analogy, and you and Jesus are the stinky, turd-bottomed little brothers trapped in the garbage can that I sit atop. I’m making you hit yourselves with your own hands while I ignore your pleas for mercy and scoff your attempts to instill guilt. Why do I do these things, you ask? Easy. Because I love you, Marco.

Just kidding.

It’s because it’s hilarious and makes me feel like a big man.

Thanks for the email. I hope to hear back.

Normal Bob

Marco blocked me from emailing him back, and his Facebook page is private,

so my response was never received by him.


“Allah God will purnish u”

Insha Allah God will purnish u stupid man

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Yes, Allah is a very big and powerful brute. I am well impressed by his might.Please pass that on. I know my flattery of the magic powers he has in the spiritual realm mean a lot to him.

Normal Bob


“I used to basically be an atheist.”

Subject: Offensive material

Dear Normal Bob Smith,

Many of the things that you have posted on your websites are spiritually offensive.  The Halloween Jesus Dress Up! makes Jesus a joke (the first thing I saw of yours). Then I realized that you have a lot of offensive material against God, religions, and spiritually.  I request that you remove all of the religiously and spiritually offensive material from all of your websites, stop selling religiously and spiritually offensive material, and apologize for doing all of this.

I used to basically be an atheist.  But, I did not go around selling anti-spiritual and religious products and putting down good religious and spiritual people (I admit, I may have done so at some point in the past, which I now regret).  There is a difference between a good debate and offensive material.

Thank you,

Andrew Pankow

Oh, that’s sweet. You were offended, therefore it needs to be gone. That which offends you must be removed from public viewing. It really is adorable that you think emailing your personal complaints about stuff on the internet is still a thing someone does. There’s just too much stuff on the internet, huh? Some of it needs to go.”Basically an atheist?” What’s that? You sorta didn’t believe in any gods except for one, and for that one you had a stretch you stopped believing out of spite? That’s what I’ve come to understand most believers tout as “once being atheist.” – As a teen, God was something included in with your rebellion against the parents, or whatever authority figures you had to rebel against at the time, so that’s the time you were atheist. Basically.

How about this? I’m offended that you believe your wrongs can be taken on by an innocent, and the handoff of your mistakes to him relieves you of them, all available at your convenience? I request that you remove that from something you ever voice publicly. I find it offensive.

There. Let the war of the arms-folded-frowny-faced offended begin!

We are all made of stars.

Normal Bob

“I do not believe that.”

I did not used to believe in God.  Although surrender to God is good, I am not really sure what you mean by “I’m offended that you believe your wrongs can be taken on by an innocent.”  If you are saying that my wrongs can be put on the innocent, I do not believe that.

Thank you,

Andrew Pankow

Oh, sorry. I misunderstood. I assumed that you believed Jesus (an innocent) saved you from your sins and such. Sometimes I jump the gun on responses because the complaints have a standard protocol. My mistake.Please tell me more about your beliefs so I can find something to be offended by in them.

Thank you.

Normal Bob


“Delete the site”

Subject: Dude this is bad news.

Delete the site for your own inner peace.

Alex Green

No thank you. If I had any more inner peace than I’ve already got I’d be dead.Normal Bob