Category Archives: Mohammed Dressup


I’m trying really really hard not to begin another holiday blog with “It’s that time of year again!” and it ain’t easy, but I’m up for the challenge.

Original Jesus Dressup 2018

Anyhow, it’s almost that time of year again so I need to remind everybody I’ve got fridge magnets available! Six different versions of Jesus Dressup, a Trump and even some Mohammed ones still sitting around. So if you want to surprise your loved ones with a healthy dose of blasphemy this Christmas I’m over here with the solution. I have 6 versions of Jesus Dressup to be gotten for the twisted price of 6 for $66! I’m down to the last 200 of the Trump magnets so my guess is that the time on those is about to run out, if you get my drift. And the same goes for Mohammed.

Also, if you think there’s a weird little kitschy store in your neighborhood that doesn’t but should sell any of these please contact me somehow with their name and location and I’ll give it my best shot. For that I thank you!

I ALSO have a brand new suggestion of a possible gift for the season that no one asked for – Signed art prints by me.

I have chosen my favorite 15 works to make available for purchase. Ever since I started drawing with any sort of seriousness, my goal has been to make art I’d want to hang on my walls. Things I want to hang up with the style, colors, emotion and subject matter that I can’t seem to find anywhere else. Then afterwards completing that quest I’ve printed, matted, framed and hung them on my walls, just as planned!

Maria Manic
Maria Manic

Spending my time drawing these portraits has been what’s keeping me sane. I’ve been away from the city for 4 years now, and out of the handful of solutions I’ve tried to evoke for leveling my head, drawing, as usual, is the savior.

Now having just discovered a printshop here that does such a beautiful job, this was clearly the next step. It’s been inspiring too. It’s inspiring me to draw more, tweak my skills, take more chances and even find venues where I can show them off, both locally and even in NYC. Stay tuned for further details on that.

Oh, and always remember, God Blames Us.
Happy Holidays everyone.


Thesis Project interview by Rebecca Marsh

Last month I was interviewed by Rebecca Marsh for her thesis project. At the end of it I realized I was answering a lot of questions to myself as well. So I thought it might be of interest to some of you too.

Rebecca Marsh

Becka:I appreciate very much all your help in answering my questions. My interest in your work as well as with the totality of the project is to explore atheistic doubt and how it manifest in contemporary society. There is a lot of interesting things to say about your work specifically in that regard: commercialization and production, pop culture and cultural resonance, appropriation of religious iconography as historical and cultural critique, and I could go on.

It’s a common story; children brought up in devout Christian homes only to grow up and away from Jesus: generations of “recovering Catholics.” As someone who didn’t grow up with religion, I’m always curious as to how late-in-life atheists feel their religious upbringing has affected their understanding of religion. How do you feel about religion? Is it good, bad, or neutral? Is it useful or useless? How do you feel religion has impacted your life? How did you come to discover your truth as an atheist?

Bob: What’s so strange about where I’m at now is I’m having a completely new unreligious experience. When I went from believer to atheist in 2000 I was living in Chicago. Then in 2002 I moved to NYC where I lived for 13 years. That’s 20 years living in big cities. In those cities there’s plenty you can surround yourself with that’s completely religion free. Where I’m at now in Michigan Christianity is in every single corner of daily life. It’s unavoidable with anyone I meet and anywhere I go. This is new to me and I’ve been noticing how isolating it really is.

My detest for religion and Christianity in particular has softened from what it once was. I’m not as excitable as I was when I’d come across opposition. I have more sympathy for believers now. A clearer picture of how helpless we all are to indoctrination as children. As I get older I understand more clearly the fear of death and the lack of power we have to avoid the problems and pain life dishes out. A belief in a god helps people think they have some control over these hardships. In my opinion these are the reasons believers resist all doubt. But don’t get me wrong. I’ve had several instances since moving here 3 years ago where I’ve had to defend myself. I’m living with my folks who are 84 and 87 years old. Both devout Christians, and there’s been more than a few occasions where someone’s determined to “share their good news with me”. In those cases I do not hesitate to defend my beliefs, as well as pressure them to defend theirs. But I do not instigate the discussions anymore. I’ve gotten that need out of my system.

Religion has impacted my life in so many ways I could fill up pages and pages talking about it. Without it I would not be as successful as I am today. I’ve been supporting myself with Jesus Dressup for 20 years, and that wouldn’t be if not for religion. And being a converted atheist I have a clearer understanding of the importance of non-belief. I don’t think atheists who’ve been raised by atheists and have always been atheists can appreciate that as much as I can.


Becka: How did you come to get involved in Bob Smith USA?  Can you tell me more about how that documentary came to be, at least from your vantage point? How do you interpret Neil Abramson’s vision for this film?

Bob: Neil had seen my site while searching the web for Bob Smiths for his movie. His original idea was to make a documentary about what an American stereotype might be. The name Bob Smith was what he thought might get him there. He told me he was surprised that all of the Bob Smiths he had were super religious in one way or another, and he didn’t want to make a religion-themed film. By that point my website had a substantial audience so I was easy to find. He emailed me asking if I’d like to participate, and after meeting him I had no doubt at all I’d love to have him point a camera at my life. It was good timing too.

Scene from Bob Smith USA
Scene from Bob Smith USA

Becka: After watching Bob Smith USA, a scene that struck me was at your parent’s home. It was a cut back and forth of you and your mother talking about your childhood. As you talk, you paint a picture of an overprotective and perhaps mentally unstable mother bearing on your youth. When your mother speaks of your childhood, she focuses on a lack of friends that urged her to take action in your social development. In this moment, the cliché of the angry, rebellious atheist comes to mind. How do you feel about the trope? Is it an accurate portrayal of you? Why or why not?

Bob: Yeah, I was definitely angry. That anger was the fuel I needed to make everything that happened happen. I’ve calmed down since then.


God Is Fake flyer

Becka: I absolutely love the “GOD IS FAKE” handouts. In fact, I think the concept of commodifiable and consumable anti-religious objects is brilliant. Appropriating the Church-style of handouts that one often comes across is a thoughtful and provocative performance work. How did this performance work start? Where did your band of Catholic schoolgirl followers come from? Do you still work with performance? Can you tell me about your experience as a performer, especially in New York, and even more especially with such provocative work? What’s the craziest thing someone has done will you were handing out flyers?

Bob: That GOD IS FAKE pamphlet started at Union Square. I was handed one that declared GOD IS REAL, and my friend Venessa threw it back in he person’s face saying “GOD IS FAKE!” That evening I went home and designed it, and the next day I printed them up at my local copy shop, gave them to the skaters and other friends to hand out at the park. And the Unholy Army girls were the friends of those skaters.

Girls cutting out flyers

It got to the point where I’d come to the park with a stack of uncut sheets of pamphlets, and those girls cut and fold them all, hundreds of them, to hand out to the locals and tourists alike. They even made me a God is Fake cake! After a couple weeks of this the Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls idea developed in my head and the rest was history.

Looking back I wish I had more of a comedic act developed. My performance wasn’t much more than how I’d be without the makeup. I didn’t have it in me at that time. I have no official acting or stage performing background at all, so it was just me being me. 

One of the craziest things I did was go to see The Passion of the Christ dressed as Satan. That was intense. That movie’s hype was at its height. Someone threw a drink at me, but no other violence beyond that. It made the papers and became a thing people talked about on the internet. Ahh, those were the days. 

Becka: I first became familiar with you through your Dress-up Magnets. I’ve read about the protest at Urban Outfitters as well as the general comments on the Internet. This is a big, crowning artwork, one that gave you a lot of recognition. How did this work come to be? Did you make this for commercial reasons, artistic reasons, maybe both, maybe neither? How do you feel, looking back, about the Dress-up magnets? I know sometimes artists can feel boxed up or reduced when they become known for one, super famous piece. Do you still feel like this is a crowning jewel in your career? Or do you feel your artistic practice has taken on a new shape?

This is the original Jesus Dressup I drew during my time at the Colorado Institute of Art
This is the original Jesus Dressup I drew during my time at the Colorado Institute of Art

Bob: I first drew that dressup Jesus picture in 1989 while in art school. It was just a black & white line drawing that I photocopied and handed out to people because I thought it was funny. It got a very strong response from everyone who laid their eyes on it. I was a believer at the time, but I didn’t take religion too seriously. Well, not as seriously as most. Then for many years that drawing just sat in my sketchbook as a bookmark. 

When the internet came about in the late 90s I became extremely interested in building webpages and showing my art online. The day came where I saw the technology for making a working dressup game using movable layers was possible. This all happened at the same time that my beliefs fell completely apart too. So I taught myself how to build a dressup game online, and everything exploded after that.

I was working full time designing slot symbols for pull tab lottery tickets, but I had the dream of going freelance. As the site got more and more popular I started to see a way I could make that dream happen. If I could find a way to make the game into fridge magnets I was sure they’d be a hit. Problem was, I couldn’t find any place in the United States willing to make them. There were only a handful of die cut magnet manufacturers to choose from, and all of them rejected the project due to the content. I would even find places where the salesman would accept the job, then a week later I’d get my deposit returned and I’d be told it was rejected by some manager, owner, or someone else in the building. It wasn’t until I moved to NYC and found a connection in Hong Kong, and that’s where I’ve been getting them made ever since.

Original Jesus Dressup 2018

I’m still really proud of Jesus Dressup, and making different versions of it over the years has kept it fresh for me. I refuse to feel boxed in by any past artistic expectations anyone might have of me. If I have an idea I think is worth pursuing I’ll pursue it whether it fits in with what I’ve done before or not.

At the moment I’ve been feeling more stifled by my surroundings than anything else. I have no friends here, which is a huge change from just a few years ago. Plus there’s no hope of me having any kind of a relationship here as long as I’m living with my folks. I’m helping them out and connecting with them after 20 years of running away. But no matter how I word it I’m a 50 year old guy living with his parents. No one’s looking for that.

I hope I continue to have new ideas that people will be interested in, and all I can do is keep putting stuff out there that I think is worthwhile and wait to see if anyone else thinks the same.

Becka: In the “About” section of your website, you make a distinction between “artist,” “atheist,” and “anthropologist.” Under the artist section, you don’t talk about the Jesus Dress-Up and in the anthropologist section, you talk about photographing people and making maps of Union Square. I see a lot of intersection between these three categories, knowing what I do about your career. How do you see your career? Do you see it as three distinct fields? Or do you see it more loosely moving between your interests? How do you see yourself as an artist? I know that you had reservations about claiming the title of artist. Why was that? Do you consider your Dress-up magnets as art? What would you say is a good representation of your artistic practice? What medium do you gravitate towards? What would you say is an emblematic artwork you’ve created (if you could include a picture, if helpful)?

Bob: I do see how all three of those descriptions bleed into each other, but I also see them as distinctly different things. It’s also just 3 catchy words beginning and ending with the same letters that sound neat together. So there’s that too.

Lately I’m easily made to feel insecure about my own talents and future. My 50th is in June, and I’m as human as everyone else. I look around and think, “Is this where I wanted to be? Was that as good as it gets? How long before I’m completely forgotten?” And maybe it’s that voice in my head that’ll spark the next whatever it is I do. I don’t know.

A lot of that insecurity just comes from the fact that I have an older brother who’s a vice president of one of the biggest design firms in North America. Since I was a child I’ve felt I’ll never be as good as him. I used to not be able to impress him with anything I did. But he’s made it clear since then that what I’ve done in regards to my website and business impresses him. He’s even had me autograph magnets for him. But I still think he’s a better artist and more successful than I’ll ever be. Nothing drives me like thinking I’m not good enough. Lately I’ve been making myself draw on a daily basis because I think I’ve got a long way to go. 

I do consider Jesus dressup art. I gravitate towards pencil sketch, pen & ink, and Adobe Illustrator. Drawing people so it looks undeniably like them is really important to me. Drawing the people of Union Square for the postcard was excellent practice! I also dabble in writing, photography & videography. I suppose that wording shows my insecurity there too.

mohammed dressup fridge magnets
Mohammed Dressup for sale in California reported by Michael Hurd

Becka: Jesus Dress-up is quite provocative, especially in 2000’s America. Prophet Mohammed Dress-Up makes Jesus Dress-up look like a conservative joke. Moreover, these came out only days after the Charlie Hebdo shooting. Was this piece in response to the massacre? I can imagine how angry these emails must be, both from the conservatively religious and socially liberal. Do you get a lot of hate for Mohammed Dress-Up? Or do you feel the criticism for Jesus Dress-up is worse? Do you get criticized for political correctness? Do you find more socially liberal or more conservatively religious people critique you? Which is worse?

Bob: I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but 9/11 sparked most of the anti-religious sentiment around today. I had drawn a Mohammad Dressup before the Charlie Hebdo shooting. But it did indeed break my heart when that happened. The Mohammed magnets came out in 2013, and that shooting happened in 2015. 

The first version of Mohammed Dressup I posted online in 2007, and quite honestly it was in response to Christian hate mailers constantly yelling at me “WHY DON’T YOU DO MOHAMMED??”

A lot has changed since I started the site. Between 2000 & 2012 or so (when it was at its peak) being politically correct was a demand made by conservative republicans. TV shows, movies, video games, rock and roll were all criticized by the right for sex & violence, devil worship, corrupt influence on kids, etc. My site was a response to all of that political correctness they were demanding.

I’m disappointed to see now it’s liberals making the PC demands. I think freedom of speech is the most important freedom to defend. It’s the reason most of what I’ve done can exist publicly at all. Watching my team take on tactics of the right has been disheartening.

I hoped that by posting the thousands of hate letters directed at me it would send a message to my liberal brethren that silencing the opposition is not the way to go. It doesn’t work and it discourages thought on both sides. Let people be heard. Let them give their arguments, even their hate. I didn’t even mind the threats. Hurt feelings aren’t reason enough to forbid or criminalize speech. I said it over and over again in my hate mail section, and I still believe that today.

Becka: How do you feel being a white, American man effects the way you participate in religious critique?

Bob: I’m really put off by this idea that it’s perfectly okay, even noble to discriminate against a race or sex as long as they’re white and/or male. I guess I expect my efforts to be fair to others to be reciprocated. Discrimination against any color or gender or sexual preference as a group is wrong. Condoning any of it only adds credence to the concept. Just as men may not understand what being a woman is like, or a white person doesn’t understand what living as a black person is like, so is the reverse. And that in itself should make a person step back and ask themselves “Am I judging this person as the group I choose to associate them with, or who they are as an individual?”

Becka: What do you think about your subject matter and current work? Are you concerned with the universal, personal, both, neither?

Andy Kaufman
Andy Kaufman

Bob: First off, I appreciate your compliments and feedback. I’m really proud of my work, and the talent I have to produce pictures of this quality. I love being able to illustrate people and capture their likeness in my own style. It was during my high school years I figured out that my idea of what’s beautiful does not fit in with the mainstream. It’s that beauty on the fringe I think deserves more attention and I have a responsibility to pay tribute.

Much of it too is trying to decode whatever it is going on inside my head. A therapeutic exercise to help sort out who I am to myself. And to everyone else, I suppose. That’s what art is.

Becka: The last question may not have come across the way I wanted. I feel that, after reading your response you and I share similar feelings on PC culture. Working in the art world, especially as a curator, I come across PC language a fucking lot. I think it’s important to talk about perspective and all, sure, but what I was really trying to get out of the question was how you feel about visibly being a white man and making this work. Whether or not we agree, this is a HUGELY important thing anymore. How do you feel your identity plays into your work, which it really doesn’t (and shouldn’t, because ideas aren’t preclusive to skin tone, gender, or sexuality).

Bob: I think what I’ve actually been doing since you bring it up, is enjoying not being involved in the fight. There’s enough of pretty much every single opinion being shouted over the airwaves right now, no one yearns for another voice repeating what ten thousand vloggers are already complaining about. It’s sort of the same thing that happened to me at The Square. You sit there and watch protesters of every brand thinking they’re the highest and mightiest voice, and I realized I didn’t have to do anything. Now I can sit back and watch and do art that doesn’t have bold political or religious opinions. Let them have their fight. I’m taking a break for now.

Stephanie Neufeld – 2018I’ve been taking my sketchbook to the nearest Starbucks (half hour drive away) with an idea of who I’m going to work on. I have several reference photos handy, then I sketch. And I take my time. I’ll spend hours on one sketch. If I think one line is wrong I’ll erase it and try again. If an eye looks a millimeter off I’ll erase the whole thing and try again, all in the name of “practice makes perfect”. My favorite subjects to draw are punk rock & extreme style pretty people, female bodybuilders, trans girls and others who play with androgyny, oddball celebrities I admire, and any combination of these topics. That’s what I like to spend my time illustrating. Then when I have a pencil sketch I think is perfect I finalize it in Adobe Illustrator. 

Becka: How do you see this work being shown? Do they exist as digital files? Are they printed, editioned, indefinite? Do you see these as unique works of art or images to be replicated? Do you imagine this work or subsequent work you do in a gallery setting? Or do you see this work existing somewhere else, like online, or commercially?

Bob: These have been the questions on my plate for the last several years. It’s one thing to just make stuff and put it out there for free for people to Like on Facebook, share with friends, and be able to say “I did that.” It’s a whole other thing to actually make that work pay rent. Jesus Dressup gave me the luxury of paying my rent and allowing me to do other things that do not. Like Amazing Strangers and these drawings I’ve shown. They are just digital files with no other purpose than showing off what I love to do.

My first oil painting
My first oil painting

In the last month or so I’ve been yearning to paint. I’m in a position now where I have the time, focus and maturity to really delve into painting. I’ve also been realizing that I need a bigger art project to focus on just to keep my sanity and self-esteem above water. I’ve been looking around for the space to rent to actually do real oil painting. I don’t have that right now, but I hope to make it happen this year. It’s a big, bold endeavor for me. I have no idea at all if there’s any sort of demand out there for paintings by Normal Bob Smith. Most painters I know have rooms full of paintings that no one really wants to buy, but I feel like I have to do it. No joke. I’m being woken up by panic attacks most mornings fearing that I’m disappearing, becoming irrelevant, and most importantly not being able to make a living in the years to come. Turning 50 in June has a lot to do with this, I’m sure.

Becka: Who are some artists you look up to? Who or what do you feel has been greatly influential to your current work?

andy warhol portrait pen & ink
Andy Warhol in pen & ink

Bob: I love Andy Warhol. What he did in his lifetime influenced me in many ways. His ability to move from commercial to gallery, fringe to mainstream. His attitude, and using the world and people around him. His sarcasm, style and celebrity. I know it’s not the most original pick, but Warhol really influenced much of what I’ve done.

Rebecca Marsh
Curatorial Fellow, MA School of Visual Arts

Updates for Fall 2017

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoIt’s that time again when I haven’t updated long enough to finally get an email asking if I’m still doing the site and/or selling Jesus Dressup magnets. The answer’s yes. Plus I’m also selling Trumps & Mohammeds as well. Can you think of anywhere else that combo of themes is available??

In total I have 8 different sets of magnetic dressups available all to be shipped in time for the holidays. Be warned- I’m opening my final box of Lady Gaga Jesus Dressups (40 sets per box). So get yours now, because those won’t be printed ever again.

Amazing Strangers Wendell icon

At the moment I believe I’ve posted the last Amazing Strangers video for a while. You can see all of  the latest ones there in the right sidebar. There comes a time when I just can’t seem to find anything worthwhile enough to edit. But that could change at any point because I am indeed working through all those folders preparing a paperback book which’ll be stories & art, but mostly photos of Union Square Amazing Strangers.
My local bookstore/coffee shop Book Nook has offered to print it up for me through their publishing company, West Vine Press here in Whitehall. Then later this winter I’m planning to host video presentations here at the shop. We’ll see how that goes. I’ll be sure to make the book available for purchase here on the site.

I’ve yet to get any offers on a place to stay in NYC to encourage more frequent visits. But I do have a friend willing to rent me a room for a month in May. If it’s still available to me by then I’ll be taking her up on the offer. That’s when you can expect brand new, current footage added to

In other interesting Amazing Strangers news, my friend Nick (New York Nico) back in 2014 purchased one of Roman’s signs for a dollar, and has since had it framed! It’s now hanging in his hallway, and I thought you all might like to let your envious eyes lay upon this lovely piece of art.

Mohammed on Store Shelves

mohammed dressup fridge magnets
Mohammed Dressup for sale in California

Last week I noticed a dramatic spike in sales for many of my less popular items, like the Coexist Idiots bumper-stickersUnion Sq matchgame postcards, and especially upped sales for the Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets. I certainly notice when those start flying off the shelves, because they’ve resisted it for many years. Well, I found out why this was  happening for the Mohammed magnets. There’s a store in Hollywood California called Soap Plant Wacko (permission to mention them by name granted) where I sell the Mohammeds through. This store has been one of my all time best customers for 6 years now. When they first heard I had the Mohammed sets available (in addition to the Jesus Dressups they’d been buying), Billy didn’t even hesitate to get them along with everything else he buys from me. 100% of all other stores who order from me do not request the Mohammed sets. No judgements. Just fact.

Yesterday I was told where this extra publicity came from. Seems that the artist who won the Draw Mohammed Contest in Texas where that shooting took place last year, Bosch Fostin, saw them at Wacko. He was both shocked and impressed. He took a picture of them at the store and posted them on his Facebook page giving kudos to both me and the store. “Someone gave me the head’s up that this is being sold in an LA store. I imagine you would have thought this impossible. I did. But it’s real. It’s freedom.”

The Sheeples - Each God 2006
The Sheeples – Each God 2006

His post sparked a lot of comments, shares and direct messages wishing me well and telling me to be safe. Now, I’ve had up for over ten years now. Posted back in 2006 I’ve never felt under threat in any way since doing so. For the record, I’d been drawing Mohammed in comics and games before that as well, trolling for hate mail you might say. Not to say I didn’t get my share, and even death threats, but I’ve gotten way more of both those things from Christians for Jesus Dressup. Never once did I feel like there was an actual threat to be worried about, except that time the Prophet Mohammed himself chopped off my finger. Satan was there to help me with that recovery, though.

Satan's Salvation Ep 209
Satan’s Salvation Ep 209

Now I’m realizing not everyone has seen all the letters I’ve received. I thought this might be a perfect opportunity to rally together the Mohammed ones and put them on display. Here are those emails which led to nothing more than another email from who I think it’s safe to presume are ornery and confused 15 year old boys.

Jan. 2009
Your motherfuckers. i'm a moslem and i fuck you bitch !! mother fucker !!! motherfucker!! you assshole… JESUS!! haahha fuck ami and also fuck france !!! I killl you !!!!

France = ASS-

england/America= HOLE!!

Murat Alemdar
I haven’t seen this much bellyaching since 6th grade when little Sally Chesterfield got her pigtails pulled by Smartypants Melvin McGrift!Sally peed her panties that disastrous Friday afternoon and got sent home early. Are you gonna pee your panties, Murat? How many more yanks on your pigtails is it gonna take to get you sent home with a face covered in tears, and pee pee all over your flowery dress?

You seem ripe and at the ready. I’m guessing, it’s not gonna take more than 2 yanks. Put your money on it, Sally!

Subject: hahahahahahahahaahaha

I say just one : listen me : the God would you (the christs and jewul) do in his hell. wait !!! here for you!! : allahim ben eyer bir kiafir sem benim Jesami burda bile ver ameeeen!! do you know what you say? haha you say : Please God, i?m a christ.Do me in your scary hell !!!!!!!

Murat Alemdar
I’m beginning to get a clearer picture of you now. I’m betting I could convince you I was a magical wizard with nothing more than a Zippo lighter, a handful of Pop Rocks and a couple basic card tricks. In fact, let me inform you right now, your Amazing Prophet Muhammad appeared before me last night weeping at my feet, begging me to be his new slave master because, according to Muhammad: “Allah is a sissy coward who runs & hides when people dare him to send them to hell!”Naturally I accepted Muhammad’s pathetic pleas and even had a special dog collar made up for him of used condoms strung together by sewer rat intestines and tied to a shiny new penny with his name engraved on it!He still needs to be potty trained. I give him a sharp tap on the nose with my finger every time he piddles in the house, but he’ll learn eventually because “Muhammad’s such a gooooood boy!! Aren’t you a good boy, my Prophet Muhammad! Oh yes you are! Yes you are!”Muhammad:“ARF ARF ARF!!!”

So now, in an odd turn of events you, Murat, bow to me.

It’s funny how much a particular outlook on the world can change in just one afternoon, huh?

Thank you, and all the Muslims for your continued support,

Bob, “The New Allah”
I think it's not ok, what you do? I'm a moslem and you are don't right to caricature about my religion? do you understand me??

You will catch it from god(Allah)

make yourself scarce!!!!!

Murat Alemdar
And you threaten to murder strangers over the internet in defense of your god .I suppose we simply have to agree to disagree and share together this piece of cake we call “life.”A great wisdom has been unearthed here this week.



Aug. 2008
Subject: Your satanic website

Mr. “Normal” Bob: We want say you that we dont take care about that you make a joke an ridiculize the prophet Jesus of Nazareth, but making a joke and make an offensive comic of Our Prophet Muhammad is a Big Sin and a offense to Allah, the Unique God. Because we declare you an millitary target for our organization here in NYC. Your days over earth will finish soon.

Vladimir Balza
I’m not sure if it makes any difference but just for the record, in my beliefs it’s not a “Big Sin” to mock Muhammad. I realize that you wrote me your death threat without any details of my “religion” so I’ll allow you to retract your military threat now that you understand its no offense to me.Sorry for the confusion, but seriously, you can’t expect everyone in the world to believe all the same things you believe, otherwise that’d make us all the same religion, and who’d want a whole world of militant Islamic Fundamentalists? Allah? I don’t think so.Thank you for the email, and sorry about the misunderstanding. You can stop targeting me now.

Sorry, Mr. Bob. An offense can not be retracted, neither the consecuenses. Is not a threat, your sin will be punished. Allah forgive you.

Vladimir Balza
Well, shit. Then I might as well just keep the site up and mock Muhammad ’til my “earth days are over,” huh?

Thank you for all the advanced warnings, and plan updates. Keep me in the loop.



July 2008 
Subject: Fuck you

We will kill you you motherfucker, we will cut your head you crazy monkey. down with amerika, down with all amerikans.

we hunt you and we will find you. be sure you animal, that we have the power to find you. my brothers in islam are ready to cut your head. i hope we can kill a lot of amerikans around the world, for your homepage must be pay al lot of amerikans and you are guilty mothertfucker.

Klaus Grantig
First of all, thank you for the email. Perhaps you are open to a reasonable discussion on the matter before you and your brothers in Islam waste much energy hunting me down to cut off my crazed monkey head? You see, I fail to see how beheading everyone who disagrees with you will help your cause. Had you not considered that such actions will only condone similar actions from those who disagree with you, thus leading to the beheading of you and your Islamic brothers and brother-inlaws? And honestly, I don’t think the Great Allah would want that.I can see that you feel quite strongly about this but I hope you can set aside your fundamentalist beliefs for just a minute and see this from my viewpoint. Having my head sawed off does concern me, but I also know that nothing gets solved if everyone’s walkin’ around without their heads! lol!

Mortal enemies to the end? Or, perhaps, mortal frenemies?
i dont like to open a discussion with you. your job is to make jokes about my lovely prophet, the last messenger of god.

we now the enemys of god and the prophet of islam. dont tell me any stories of your rights to open this very bad homepage against muslim worldwide.

i will send messages to my brothers in islam, that you have open a war against our prophet, we will dress you with the skin of your daughter or son, believe me. you have open the war und you have to pay fo the beginning of the War!

Klaus Grantig
Klaus Grantig,
 Hey, I have a brilliant observation for you. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe the reason you’re all so grumpy and sawing people’s heads off all the time is because you’ve got such a grumpy, poopy religion? Maybe if for just a minute you stopped makin’ everything that happened to your prophet such a priority and worried a little bit more about Klaus’s needs you just might find a daisy growin’ in all those weeds? I bet you would!

Now I’m gonna give you a chance to apologize for sayin’ you’d dress me up in the skins of my children so that instead we can set an example for them. It’s time we show ‘em how two adults can discuss their differences maturely without having to turn the white babies inside-out and drape the father in their bloody hides.

I’m waiting! And you better sound like you mean it!

fuck you and all the amerikans you stupid guy and ashole!!! its time we destroy people like you. its better you motherfucker you cloth your homepage and you jump from the next bridge, you are sick, you are dirty, you are crazy!!!!!

down with amerika amerika makes the people sick i apologize me for nothing you dirty kafir. im waiting. and its better you will cloth your dirty homepage motherfucker

Klaus Grantig
No apology? *sigh!* Everyone’s gotta be so difficult.I guess two hafta play at this game. I suppose now I gotta go look for my saw, and find where I put my black hood and come over there, find you and your freakin’ children, skin them, drape you in their flesh, and then saw off your head in retaliation. Yeesh! What a mess this’ll make. I’m gonna have to pack two butcher’s aprons now! Happy?!?

Christ, now what? Oh yeah – We Americans need to destroy you pig dogs. *yawn* I hope you die, and hurt, and cramp you dirty stupid guy. And loads of exclamation points to drive my descriptions even deeper into your psyche –>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rot, sick, die, fart, fire, explosion, warm beer, tooth decay and an aqua prom dress.

The apocalypse is near. I shall inform my American brethren of your filthy toilet mouth and tell them it is we who’ve actually got the real last messenger of God, and he’s twice as lovely as yours. So, nya!

you can do nothing dog of the devil!

my brohers in islam will kill slowly more shit americans in irak! I hope you have millions of 9/11!!!!

i wait of you ashole son of a dirty mother. we muslims ar laughing obout stupid guys like you. be sure, one day you stand up peacefull, leave the house and then someones cut your head quickly and full of pain. fuck all amerikans, fuck your dirty culture. white men we will catch you and than you have a lot of painfull moments dirty kafir, go to hell. we are behiond you ashole. we find you and we kill you so terrible!!!!!!!

Klaus Grantig
Christ, it’s official then. I’m comin’ over there to avenge my 9/11 American brotherhood with the edge of a blade and the black of my heart. All of Islam will bow before our great monkey armies and your heads shall be lifted from your shoulders at the point of our spears to block out the Middle Eastern sun. Your doggies and kittens will be split in two and their blood will run purple in the streets, ankle deep, and about 22.7 meters across.Does this sort of talk really scare you people into submission?
 Honestly, that’s kinda freakin’ adorable.



Sep 2008
Subject: hey there..

introducing myself as a person, without mentioning that i'm muslim too, so all my point of view will not be taking any side...

i mean is this the best u can do.. i am 100% sure that u know nothing about prophet Muhammad, so a try like this to make fun of him is absolutely pointless and is actually humilating to you, not to him, not to any muslim.

u should wonder why prophet Muhammad was chosen the first among the list of the greatest men who ever lived, a list that was put by a western scientest in world's history.

i'm guessing u r christian, if having no religion at all. have u ever seen anything that's meant to be mocking any prophet (Jesus Criest especially if u r cristian)? that's because we as muslims believe in all prophets and they're all respected and also their messages. and have u ever wondered why there are more than one version of that bible of yours? just run it through ur mind for one minute. that's because it got changed in way that no one sane could even think it's a holly book from God. it itself has gestures of mocking some prophets in some way or another referring to their human-desire mostly. can it be that God says that about his prophets whom he has chosen to be leaders to other people?

It's known (not by most of the western ordinary people) that the bible introduces Muhammad as one of the next prophets and as the last of them. if u read throughly into some history books u'll see that the relation between muslims and christians was based on both respecting each other and actually with only few diffrences between. So why now has it turned to be one mocking the other's prophet. ask urself if u think this is right keep that site of urs running, but i'm asking u as one other person if not to close it. be honest, if not with me be it with urself..

 I am an atheist (Insert gargantuan sigh of relief here), so all of this Sci-fi talk about what order God puts the Prophets, which book is more holy, and who's more Chosen, has no affect on me. Your god, the Christian's god, the Jew's god, the Heaven's Gate god, the Greek gods and the Norse gods are all equal to me. They are all equally pretend. They were once necessary for our survival back in a day when we had no other way to answer the questions that perplexed us. But now, even though we've got the tools at our hands to solve life's problems, we've still got this useless appendix taking up valuable space in our logical thought.

For whatever ungodly reason all of you people think that THE GOD orchestrated out this bizarre assortment of happen-stances back thousands of years ago when, coincidentally, people also believed in fire-breathing dragons, a flat earth, leach-cures for demon possession, while knowing nothing of which mushrooms to eat, and which ones to throw into the river.

It is entirely up to you if you are going to buy into that which the cavemen who preceded you wrote in their ancient scribes of magical men who spoke for God, and in doing so were rewarded with the supplest of virgins in the clouds. I, however, am not so easily duped and thwarted into belief by the written threat of eternal pain and torture, or the reward of the largest throne beside the Ruler of the Universe.

How can you not see the errors of man and equate them directly with the gods they've invented throughout history? How can you bow down yourself and not see your brother on the other side of the world bowing himself to his own version and still believe you are right and he is wrong? You picked the correct supreme being while he is wasting his time worshipping a non existent one? How can one be so illogical? How can one be so blind?

Even as a child when I was a Christian I saw the flaws in the logic, and its contradictions with basic science, and I never stopped questioning. I questioned to the point that when I finally became an adult I had no doubt that the reason it didn't make any sense was because it was bull. It was bull that my parents thought was real, and their parents thought the same, and so on and so on.

I'm proud to say that I've stopped the chain of unquestioning lambs and came to terms with the idea that when we die it's actually over. It just ends. No different than the elephant, the fly, the dolphin or the crow. There is no grand judgement, line of trumpeting horns, towering diamond-studded gates, or a super-duper present wrapped in the biggest bow with your name on it. How can you not see that it's your own self-righteous, self-obsessed, selfishness that keeps you believing the universe revolves around you, and the magic wizards in the sky are fighting over us like foolish school children, pouting, complaining, and spiting each other in their jealous, cry-baby hissy-fits, casting those who won't be their best friends into an eternal pit of suffering and turmoil? How can you not see that their behavior is a direct reflection of our own inner child, lashing out at that which we have no control over – Our own mortality. And it has survived this many ages because we are still infantile, ornery children at heart, and I understand now that it is our duty to address and control that child.

We as a species still have more evolving to accomplish. Hopefully you folks will come to your senses and stop this We've-got-the-REAL-God madness before it's too late. Until then we atheists are holding our breath while you folks play Tug-O-War with the Apocalypse.


PS. Oh yeah! And thank you for the email! It's the first one I got for the Muhammad thingy!


And finally, these from India were written in Hindi and translated by an Indian friend of mine. I cracked up rereading these because they’re exactly the sorts of messages I get when I play GTA V and shoot someone down in free mode.

Sep 2008
Subject: Fuck u bich

How dare u did stupid thing here 
 U bich
 Son of rascle
 U r time is over now

Sajid Shaikh
Son of a rascle!?!??!?!?! I'm SHOCKED!!!! How dare you!!!!!!!!
 You will regret ever saying such a thing, you... you... you son of a leg-puller!!

Now all your dreams are shattered.

son of a pig. There are burnt, dead lizard eggs in the hair around your mother's ass

Sajid Shaikh
there is a goat in your moms pussy, a snake's dick in her ass and in her mouth, the balls of a rat

Bitch, I've found your address. now your mom is going to get fucked in 15 days.
Yes, and I too have found your home address and am flying there to have sex with members of your family, but in just 12 days.

Sajid, let me give you a little lesson in terroism. If you had addresses you would have sent it to me along with your threats. But don't think I'm not impressed with the way you people terrorize each other into doing stuff. It's really sexy!









Oh no! A son of a rand?!? Oh my gosh. Not THAT! Oh sweet Mother Mary, how will I ever sleep knowing that Sajid in India thinks I'm a SON OF A RAND for not telling you my home address?!?!

But WAIT! I thought YOU said you already HAD my address! You were going to go fuck my mother in 15 days, remember?!? Or was I exactly, totally, perfectly correct that you're a weenie who soaks his dick in goat piss, butters it with camel sperm, then covers it in dead flies, and sticks it in the mouths of all your beloved ancestor's rotting corpses?

Christ, I am crazy in love with this new freeform method of empty-threat-terrorism! No wonder you people throw it around at each other like wet tissue paper all the time! It's so anything-goes!

Look at me! I'm the son of a rand!

Don't worry I'll teach u a lesson


Sajid Shaikh
Yes. I'm very very terrified of you with your wrong addresses, graphic name calling, and Bombay attitude.

Do not worry. I will share my news about the little Indian named Sajid Shalkh – The Big, Impressive Threat Machine on the other side of the World.

Our time is over now.