Tag Archives: hate mail

Hate for the Holidays

“What if I were a Muslim, and someone made fun of Allah or Mohammed? How would I feel then?”

That question, and many others get answered in this weeks very special page of Hate Mail.

“Let’s say you were a f@#%*!g muslim, what about if I put up a website where I degrade that allah or mahomet… Would you like to see that…?”

Hi “Mr. Bob Smith” (if that is indeed your real name),

If you thought that dressing up like Satan and selling T-shirts, magnets and gadgets with this highly controversial theme would make you stand out of the crowd, you’ve succeeded. Too bad for yourself that we live in an age in which we should all be “politically correct”  yet there are websites like yours that are really distasteful and highly offensive to ALL christians.

I don’t know what religion you are (if you have one), and I don’t care, what I want to tell you is that your webpage is outrageously disgusting, distasteful, and offensive to millions of people in the world (not only in America)!

Let’s say you were a f@#%*!g muslim, what about if I put up a website where I degrade that allah or mahomet of yours, like you do on your website? Would you like to see that there is a popular website with your religious leader ridiculed in such a way?

I don’t think so, and if you would like it, it would show to all how sick and perverted you are.

You will do all of us a favor if you take down this website and stop your hate-spree.

I am positively ashamed that on this great thing called earth there are beings like you that instill anger, hate and extremely negative things in otherwise good and really normal people that are all geared toward yourself and guys like you! Are you some kind of sadomasochist?

There is no space for you and the likes of you on this earth!

Do yourself a favor, take the bloody f@#%*!g website down, and NEVER write or post anything like this again!

Marco Francesco Mario Guandalini

Imagine if I were a Muslim? That’s your retort? Had you thought maybe you deserve to have your god mocked if it’s led you to a place where you’re defending him by asking hecklers to imagine what it’s like? I think I used that same argument on my older brother while he made me hit myself in the head with my own hand.I’d scream at him, “Imagine if my head were a pot of gold! Ouch! And every time you made me hit it, Ouch! some gold fell out and was lost forever! Ouch, god-dangit!! Would you like that?!?!”

Marco Francesco Mario Guandalini, I regret to inform you that my line of protest had the complete opposite effect on my brother. And if I were in your shoes right now, I’d start thinking that perhaps I hadn’t been properly suited up for the show of life, and maybe, unconsciously I was leaving myself an open target to further ridicule in the not so distant future, and my fumbles were being recorded for future generations to giggle and titter to.

Imagine this, Marco. Imagine you were instead a thinking, rational adult with the ability to visualize himself in someone else’s shoes trying to understand how one could believe in magical gods who coincidentally lorded over the religion he was accidentally born into. Imagine having inner-arguments with yourself this complicated and working it out in your head before it ever got typed into an email and the “Send Message” button clicked.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Marco, I am the teasing big brother in the analogy, and you and Jesus are the stinky, turd-bottomed little brothers trapped in the garbage can that I sit atop. I’m making you hit yourselves with your own hands while I ignore your pleas for mercy and scoff your attempts to instill guilt. Why do I do these things, you ask? Easy. Because I love you, Marco.

Just kidding.

It’s because it’s hilarious and makes me feel like a big man.

Thanks for the email. I hope to hear back.

Normal Bob

Marco blocked me from emailing him back, and his Facebook page is private,

so my response was never received by him.


“Allah God will purnish u”

Insha Allah God will purnish u stupid man

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN


Yes, Allah is a very big and powerful brute. I am well impressed by his might.Please pass that on. I know my flattery of the magic powers he has in the spiritual realm mean a lot to him.

Normal Bob


“I used to basically be an atheist.”

Subject: Offensive material

Dear Normal Bob Smith,

Many of the things that you have posted on your websites are spiritually offensive.  The Halloween Jesus Dress Up! makes Jesus a joke (the first thing I saw of yours). Then I realized that you have a lot of offensive material against God, religions, and spiritually.  I request that you remove all of the religiously and spiritually offensive material from all of your websites, stop selling religiously and spiritually offensive material, and apologize for doing all of this.

I used to basically be an atheist.  But, I did not go around selling anti-spiritual and religious products and putting down good religious and spiritual people (I admit, I may have done so at some point in the past, which I now regret).  There is a difference between a good debate and offensive material.

Thank you,

Andrew Pankow

Oh, that’s sweet. You were offended, therefore it needs to be gone. That which offends you must be removed from public viewing. It really is adorable that you think emailing your personal complaints about stuff on the internet is still a thing someone does. There’s just too much stuff on the internet, huh? Some of it needs to go.”Basically an atheist?” What’s that? You sorta didn’t believe in any gods except for one, and for that one you had a stretch you stopped believing out of spite? That’s what I’ve come to understand most believers tout as “once being atheist.” – As a teen, God was something included in with your rebellion against the parents, or whatever authority figures you had to rebel against at the time, so that’s the time you were atheist. Basically.

How about this? I’m offended that you believe your wrongs can be taken on by an innocent, and the handoff of your mistakes to him relieves you of them, all available at your convenience? I request that you remove that from something you ever voice publicly. I find it offensive.

There. Let the war of the arms-folded-frowny-faced offended begin!

We are all made of stars.

Normal Bob

“I do not believe that.”

I did not used to believe in God.  Although surrender to God is good, I am not really sure what you mean by “I’m offended that you believe your wrongs can be taken on by an innocent.”  If you are saying that my wrongs can be put on the innocent, I do not believe that.

Thank you,

Andrew Pankow

Oh, sorry. I misunderstood. I assumed that you believed Jesus (an innocent) saved you from your sins and such. Sometimes I jump the gun on responses because the complaints have a standard protocol. My mistake.Please tell me more about your beliefs so I can find something to be offended by in them.

Thank you.

Normal Bob


“Delete the site”

Subject: Dude this is bad news.

Delete the site for your own inner peace.

Alex Green

No thank you. If I had any more inner peace than I’ve already got I’d be dead.Normal Bob

Always Hate Mail

I know it’s been months since the past page of hate mail, but that’s just how little is trickling in lately. Happily, it’s been good stuff, plus there’s been even more special fan mail to be read in the side bar on the left. I hope it satisfies the longing inside.

Luckally you seem more on the side of being toothlessly insane, then being an actual danger.”

Subject: What is wrong with you?

Are you aware that the vast majority of the US is Christian?  That many Christians are prejudice against atheists?  Are you aware that many Christians view atheists as satanists?  So you dress up as a devil to encourage their outlook and prejudice?  What is wrong with you?  Looking at your site it is like you are a satanist pretending to be atheist.  You give atheists a bad name.  No real self respecting atheist would portray themselves as you do.  You offer nothing, but hate and vindictiveness.  It is like you have a compulsive desire to only find fault with things going on around you. It is like you are totally blind to how many people observe you as a person.  So to compensate for your lack of character you go around attacking others for their personality?

You are without a doubt not even in a league with the most mundane atheist, much less Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris or any of the other greats. You are basically a circus clown. Most definitely you are not a philosopher or intellectual.  You seem to be more interested in inspiring pettiness, selfishness, anger, and pointlessness in the world.  What use is that?  Many atheists are humanists, but no where do I see any sign of that in you.  You don’t seem to be liberal or conservative.  You don’t seem to have any real direction or purpose of any kind.  You don’t really seem to stand for anything other then an empty ideal of atheism, which is worse then Christianity and any other major beliefs.

If being atheist is what you represent, then why would any sane person want to follow in your footsteps?  Do you even recognize that many people join the christian faith to try to better themselves?  Can you even recognize that?  Or why people want that?  Do you even have the slightest idea where the values of Christianity came from?  Do you even have a concept of why morality or ethics is important to the integrity of society?  These are rhetorical questions as obviously you are the worst kind of hypocrite, your web page is glaring evidence of that.  You believe yourself to be logical, but you are more likely insane.

Luckally you seem more on the side of being toothlessly insane, then being an actual danger.  Do you seriously believe that putting normal before your name makes you normal?  You are obviously abnormal and in deep denial.  You obviously can’t see beyond the tip of your own nose. You seem to have no concept of the suffering in the world, much less have any desire to actually make it better.  I don’t think you would even understand why that should be important to people.  You seem to have no concept of the consequences your actions can have.  What point is there in just trying to rile people up?  What is the point in that?

Does anger or hate make the world a better place?  There is nothing worse then a divisive, narcissistic atheist.  You are more of an example of why people need books like the bible, then an example of why we do not.  From what I can see you appear to be self defeating. Your life seems totally pointless.  I mean if you weren’t here I think it would be safe to say that the world would be a better place.  Are you proud of that?  I don’t think you are even capable of really looking in a mirror and facing yourself.  If you could, you wouldn’t behave as you do.  I dare you to post this and respond, Mr. cowardly clown.

Josh Hefner

Who spells “luckily” like that?


Jesus Christ. Have you ever read anything with it spelled that way? I mean, it’s one thing to completely ignore your spellcheck. It’s a whole other to sound it out “luck alley,” probably aloud. Probably with food on your face. I mean, what’s more toothless than “luckally?” Which brings up another point. Have you ever heard of the word “than?”

Do you realize you used “then” 6 times in your letter, but only once was it used correctally? Correctally!

Other than that though, you raise many good points. I will surely take them to heart, because in order for me to grow as an atheist it’s imperative that I take your complaints seriously, then simply let my ego attack your personality.

Normal Bob


“Do you know the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, do you know this great man?”

Subject: please reed

Hello I want to asking you Do you know the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, do you know this great man … I dare you to a man that you read about and know no more of this and then you Apple is any question of any intolerance.

Maria Meriam

I hate it whenever I have to inform someone who’s attempting to convert me that my religion requires me to kill them with my own hands for doing so.

It’s made for more than a few extremely awkward silences, just before I plunge a butcher knife into their chest.

Thank you though for the email.

However, pray we never meet



“there are no air conditioners in hell.”

Subject: Bob, that’s wrong.

Bob, there are no air conditioners in hell. Good luck

Steven Kossup

People who claim to know what happens after you die make me laugh so hard I choke to death and discover they’re wrong every single time.



“Shame on you for making fun of MY Lord and Savior!!!”

Are you saved? Because if you were saved, you wouldn’t have a site that makes fun of Jesus… How can you sleep at night when you have a website that makes fun of what Jesus Christ done not only for me but for you as well?!?! Shame on you for making fun of MY Lord and Savior!!! I will be praying for you and your soul…

May God have mercy on your soul,


Sara, here’s the deal. I’m beyond wasting even a moment more of time worrying about what’s in the afterlife. I’m just done with it. You don’t know. I don’t know. The people who wrote the bible don’t know. No matter who you go to about it, they’re human, which means they don’t know either. And anyone who claims to know, doesn’t. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

Around the world and throughout time we humans have been habitually inventing religions for as long as there’ve been humans. I just watched a video yesterday about another guy who thinks he’s Jesus and has hundreds of followers. This is how easily this stuff is invented.

Not only are people inventing religions, but they’re clambering to believe them, while the rest of us make ridiculous excuses for why it’s okay they do what they do. We’re just pathetic when it comes to weighing out the evidence reasonably when our own mortality is on the line. That there has been the sun & soil for the seeds of cults since the get go.

We’re idiots! We’re fucking idiots scrambling around on a planet floating in endless space, and we feel an overwhelming lack of control over the whole situation. Instead of accepting this lack of control, we bullshit ourselves. We bullshit ourselves and pat each other on the back for the courage it takes to bullshit each other and believe each other’s bullshit story without the grounds for doing so.

We’ve actually brought the action full circle, to the point where we praise people who believe things based on wishful thinking, while cursing those who bring unhappy truths to the light. That’s not fucking punk rock. That, Sara, is whiny suburbs. And I’m done with suburbs.

What you’ve done is hook yourself up to opium drip and drifted into a numb coma of happy thoughts. Meanwhile, for the last 12 years I’ve been immeasurably gratified with life as a critical thinker.

I definitely sympathize with your situation. I have a mother who’s let the wishful thinking take over her life. Now, here in her later years she’s got every reason to enjoy life every hour of every single day, but instead she’s bogged herself down with the world of confusion that comes with devoting your mind to fantasy.

But how does someone tell if they’ve devoted their mind to fantasy? I mean, what’s the difference between my thinking and yours? Ask yourself this:

• If what I believed weren’t true, would I want to know?

If your answer is yes, then you’re on the right track. Anything other than that is the mind cage.

I’m genuinely interested in your response to the question.