Category Archives: Portfolio

ComicCon & Jesus Dressup 2010

It was the spring of 2010, and I was in my usual location, Union Square NYC. But right now I wasn’t ready to sit down on the steps. First I had to stop in at Forbidden Planet, which was just a block south on Broadway. It was a place I frequented not only because it’s a cool comic book store right in the neighborhood, but also it’s where I sold my Jesus magnets. On this particular day in the front part of the store was a kiosk set up to promote New York ComicCon!  I was briefly stopped by the man at the booth,
“Hello! Have you got your tickets for ComicCon yet?” 

ComicCon was something I’d never really considered at this point, and at the moment I was here for other purposes. As usual, I strolled around the store to find the magnets and how many sold. But they weren’t in their usual spot, or anywhere for that matter. So I go to the front counter and see my guy Matt who manages there. 
“I think you’re sold out of my magnets? I don’t see them anywhere.”

Matt checks the computer and tells me there’s still some here, somewhere. So together we start the search. The guy from ComicCon overhears our struggle, and gets interested in whatever this is that someone would go through the trouble to hide. A few minutes pass and Matt shouts “Found ‘em!” picking a pile of them off the ground where they’d been tucked behind a display. 
“It happened again!”
He was referring to the other time an offended customer hid my offensive product within the store. To inhibit sales I suppose.
The guy from ComicCon was asking to see what the hell this product was. His name was Mark, and when he saw the Jesus Dressups he laughed, “We’ve got to have these at ComicCon!”

I explained how that was pretty much out of the question. Booths were well out of my price range.
“I’m just one guy, and this is pretty much my only product.” Not enough to cover $2,400+ for the smallest, cheapest booth. And this year was actually going to be a far bigger event than just ComicCon. They were combining the Anime Festival and the BookExpo, all 3 in one huge event at the Javits Center. It was just out of the question.
“I cannot sell $3,000 worth of these in 4 days.” I told him.

As he held it in his hand he said, “I really want you to consider it. I can get you half off on that booth, $1200. These are just too funny.” And he gave me his card. I went back to Union with that card in my pocket, and decided then and there, “I’m going to make this happen.”

It was taking place the first week of October, so I had months. Enough time to get a brand new set printed up special. A Limited Edition Star Wars Jesus Dressup! I was going all out. My friends could dress up as Jehovah’s Witnesses & Catholic schoolgirls to take part! I would print banners and flyers. It was all very exciting.

ComicCon / October 2010
One of the silly brainstorms I had was to have a couple friends dressup as Jehovah’s Witnesses; white shirt, black tie, shoes & slacks, and of course, name tags. Searching the internet I found a place that could print buttons exactly like the ones JWs wore. It was in Utah, and I had the button design all worked out. I called and placed an order for all 6 in our group, and it read:

NORMAL BOB SMITH MINISTRIES
THE CHURCH OF JESUS DRESSUP
REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS
“Just Google Jesus!”

Oh, I thought I was so clever. Unfortunately, just days before the event the button place returned my money and sent an email telling me they were refusing the job due to conflict of interest.
Of course! This was a place run by Jehovah’s Witnesses who manufactured buttons for other Jehovah’s Witnesses, of which I was clearly not. I can only imagine the discussion that took place when they Googled Jesus. Luckily I was able to find another place last minute, right in midtown Manhattan to have them ready the next day. Leave it to New York City.

Owen, Amanda, Kenya, Bob, Mary & Christine

We were ready! The shipment of Star Wars JDUs arrived on time, looking fantastic! My cousin Owen flew in, plus my roommate Christine and her friend Amanda donated themselves. And two friends from Union, Mary & Kenya, all agreed to take part. We’d gotten a couple magnetic boards so people could play with Jesus inside our booth. Printed up posters, and flyers to be handed out. Then I rented a UHaul truck for all the stuff to set up.

SETUP
Wednesday October 5th was setup day. I had rented the smallest UHaul to transport everything from Bushwick Brooklyn to the Javits Center on the west side of Manhattan. I knew this was going to be the next challenge. These boxes of rubber magnets are heavy. At the time I had six versions; The Original, BDSM, Xmas, Superstar, Halloween and of course the new Star Wars. One box of these holds 40 sets and each box is about 20 pounds. My expectations were high, so I brought 4 or 5 boxes of each. A quick rounded approximation was about 600 pounds of boxes to be transported from my 3rd floor apartment through the city to booth 2868 at the convention center, by foot. It was a lot.

The instructions we’d received from the event told us everything we needed to know about delivering our goods to the booth. They even encouraged us to use the people working there to help. When we arrived there were signs directing us to the back of the building, and sure enough, there were guys there telling us where to back the truck up and unload. Inside the building on the loading dock my friends and I were told to unload everything onto a pallet ourselves, then they used a forklift to carry it into the building to our spot. We were all extremely happy that it was all going by forklift.

The Jesus Dressup booth ComicCon 2010

The event was the most crowded convention I’d ever seen. Tens of thousands showed up to fill up that building to/and over its capacity. It was so crowded that often people wanting to stop at booths could not because the crowd was too thick and would whisk them away. There were nearly a hundred thousand people at the convention that year!

It also turned out that I may have dressed my friends a little too realistically. Christine, Owen and Kenya who I’d sent into the crowd dressed as Jehovah’s Witnesses carrying clipboards and promotional supplies had trouble getting anyone to pay them attention. 
“Everyone we approach tries to avoid eye contact and get away from us!”
No one at ComicCon wanted to be evangelized too! Go figure.
So yeah, that idea of mine kinda backfired.

SATURDAY
At conventions like these, Saturday is the busiest. It’s assumed that Thursday and Friday most people are doing more browsing than buying. Saturday most people have the day off, and because it’s nearing the end of the event, everyone shows up and spends. Sunday is a shorter day, and most booths pack up early to beat the mass exodus. There’s always a palpable feel in the air that this circus is about to leave town. So Saturday morning we show up ready to rock, and there’s an envelope on our table addressed to me.
It was a bill for $4,400 from the Javits Center for services rendered in transporting 600 lbs of product via forklift to our station. I was crushed.

We’d befriended the couple who were running the booth to our left, who sympathized, “We had precisely the same thing happen to us at another convention. We learned our lesson.”
It included a letter stating that before the end of the day Sunday we’d be required to make payment, or provide the means in which to do so. What would have been a great Saturday was totally affected by that wretched invoice. 

ComicCon & my Jesus Dressup Booth
PART 2

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They’re Here! – The New BDSM JDU 2022

I am so extremely relieved and delighted today announcing the successful arrival and absolute perfection of the new BDSM Jesus Dressup! They arrived yesterday after a long 5 month wait (blame the pandemic). In the past it used to take 2-3 months from the initial order, across the Pacific, then across the country to my doorstep. Despite the longer timeline, and the increase in shipping cost, they’re still very affordable.

They also look better than ever. This go around I wasted no space in the design. All the text that used to be at the bottom of every set, that’s gone forevermore. In addition the die technology has advanced enough to butt the cut right up to the art, and all of the separate pieces squeezed closer to each other on the page. This makes way more space for way more items. Not to mention the art and colors are just so so pretty. I’m such a proud daddy.

But these aren’t the only reasons I’m so over-the-top.
This order was a test. I was testing to see if I for sure had a new supplier who could deliver. Now I know the answer is yes. As a result I have 2 more sets already in production and expected this summer. And what this means is, I am back in business! You just wait to see what I’ve got comin’ next. 

August Creativity

People’ve been demanding I draw celebs that’re more famous. For some reason I have a difficult time focusing on the big stars. In most cases they’ve been drawn 1,000 times already. And they’ve already been substantially over exposed, by definition. Someone however suggested that like the Amy Winehouse piece, I continue with the Gone Too Soon theme. That was a good idea. So as I was searching for ideas I was struck by how few drawings there are of Kurt which actually LOOK like him. Way too many seem to’ve been drawn by a love-struck pre-teen fan, to the point where he looks like the guy from Nickleback! And even more who took the easy route with his shades & sweaters. Anyhow, I’ve done my best to fix that.

Sitting in AC to escape the heat & humidity of Michigan has made August a creatively productive month for me. To begin with, if you haven’t read my most recent stories of my teenage Hollywood Runaway Punkrock Adventure, you simply must. It’s a 3 parter that’ll give insight on how this grownup problem-child started down this path. Depending on how much you REALLY want to know about my motivations, my FBB Girlfriend story, and THAT whole longing obsession, well I wrote about those too. I’m really enjoying this storytelling, and look forward to writing more from my past, and my id. I’ve realized again how revealing myself only widens the scope of art I want to make.

Finally, I’m still in the magnetic Jesus Dressup business! I lost a lot of stores in the pandemic. Many just aren’t even answering their phones anymore. But I have however been getting them onto your refrigerators through my store! I was reminded of how long this has been going on when Sophia, who’s been playing with my Jesus Dressup so long, now her kids play it! Here they are “dressing up the weird guy with holes in his hands.” And that’s a direct quote!
That is one OLD set of the Xmas & the Original. And who else even has a Lady Gaga JDU any more??
Warms my heart, as I hope it does yours as well.

My FBB Obsession

Today I turned 52, and tbh I’m feelin’ old & lonely. I’ve been a single, alone man for many, many years now. Anyone who knows me knows my habit of dwelling on it. Perhaps it’s a midlife crisis? Sure. Why not. My brain dwells and dwells and dwells. Always has. Probably what’s kept me single. But over the years I’ve found several different ways to deal with this issue of mine.

Pinky 1998
Pinky 1998

Drawing. Sitting down and focusing my concentration on something I find beautiful has always been the most effective way to distract and refocus this overactive, self-doubting brain of mine. So today (my birthday), in hopes of distracting, I’m gonna tell you about that which I find MOST beautiful, then show you some of my art to prove it.

But before I continue, I hafta acknowledge I’ve struggled on how to write about this. The reality is, I’m just some skinny dude here commenting on women’s bodies. I can clearly see how a blog like this could be taken very wrong. I’m not even convinced I have the right to comment on the topic. I mean, who am I? Who cares what this pencil-neck geek thinks about the bodies of these accomplished  women who know not even of my existence?
I just want to make it absolutely clear the immense respect I have for how much work goes into it. I also understand the amount of criticism and disrespect these women endure. I have no sense of humor about it when jokes are made. They’re as unfunny as they are unoriginal.

Tazzie Colomb 2000
Tazzie Colomb 2000

It’s these truths behind the muscularity that fuel it deep in me. I adore it as an act of rebellion. A blunt rejection of the norm. A confidence I’ve never been able to find in myself to such a degree. It is also envy, to be sure.
It’s the superiority, intimidation, domination and an exaggerated sexualization that lends itself to the imagination. Fact is, I owe any drawing talent I have to this obsession.

I’ve never seen a woman I thought was too muscular. Any level of visible musculature hits me hard. I have no idea where this came from or how it came about in me. It’s just there, and it’s the one sight that makes my heart jump outta my chest every time.

Tessa Boyea 2018
Tessa Boyea 2018

It can be terrifying too. My emotions are so affected by any encounter. It’s both something I search out, yet dread to find. I lose my cool, and afterwards fall into a despair that haunts me for days to follow. It’s just always seemed so completely out of reach. It’s me at my most pathetic. I have many stories. I could recollect every single muscular woman with whom I’ve ever had an encounter, and my failure as a man immediately after.
You get the picture.

Pinky Side Bicep 1997
Pinky Side Bicep 1997

This is Pinky. She’s a character I drew for a website I made in 1997 called Pinky’s Links where I would link up my favorite fbb’s & show off my drawings of them. And it worked! It was my breakthrough in finally finding an avenue to conversing with them online. I drew many of these beautiful women. Some even got their own dressup games!
Christa Bauch Dressup
Dressup Tammy Jones

Pinky 1997
Pinky 1997

My very first memories of seeing female bodybuilders were televised bodybuilding contests in the 80s, and bodybuilding magazines on shelves. When I was 16 I invented a role-playing game called Palace with more than a hundred characters, most of which were muscular women. I had to make myself draw other kinds of “regular looking” characters so the game wouldn’t look quite so pornographic. The one’s on hole punched line paper were drawn in the classroom. Enjoy!

Happy to say my drawing talent improved over time. In the 90s I started my Neptune comic and created Madonna Brando, my boldest celebration of the extreme muscular physique yet! From left to right you can see how she developed as a character over time.

Pinky arms crossed 1997
Pinky arms crossed 1997

And to this day I adore the results of what I can do now digitally. I am simply honored to have a way to celebrate it to such a degree at all. It’s my most favorite subject to draw, ever. Clearly.

Pinky 1997
Pinky 1997

My plan?
Keep drawing.
That’s all I know to do.
Maybe revealing this about myself in such detail will help. I know there are others. It’s about coming out. Showing proper respects to that which inspires me most.
But after all’s said, Ima prolly shutup and just stick to honoring through art again. I have more practice at that.