Tag Archives: shure

Hate mail 489, the Benefits of being Shure

Another cutting page of hate mail to light a fire under my ass! This week they’re guaranteeing me that they’re absolutely, positively, bet-the-entire-farm that they’re shure. Check it out…

The Heather Rausch files

“I was wondering why you hate Jesus so much?”

Subject: Just Wondering

Hello Bob

I was wondering why you hate Jesus so much?  I came across your dress Jesus up website and it made me really sad.  There are a lot of ways to be controversial, do why do  you have to pick on Jesus.  I am not worried about Him, but am curious about you.


Heather Rausch

It’s because his dad’s a dick.Bob
“How so?”

How so?

Heather Rausch

Well, for one, he made us all sick and then commands us to be well, then he puts all and any blame for this on us! But there’s really no denying he’s the one who set it all into motion, and that, my friend, is “Being a dick.”Also, anyone who needs to be worshiped has got to be a dick, I don’t care who you are. Even if you invented air. Expecting everybody to bow down to you makes you a major dick.

A non-dick wouldn’t get any satisfaction from praise under threat. He’d let people live their lives and ask nothing in return. God expects endless “thank you’s”, love & worship, because he’s a dick.

God is responsible for the existence of eternal torture. Dick. He should have never invented life if eternal torture is its ultimate destiny, unless he’s a dick.

What other kind of person makes everything in the universe, invents life, has power over every single thing from the beginning of time until the end, then feels jealousy? I’ll tell you the kind of person. A dick-person. A spoiled rotten dick who has everything and it’s still not enough.

God constantly relies on the “I’m a victim of circumstance” excuse so he doesn’t look like a dick, which he is, which is also extremely, undeniably, and completely dickish.

In conclusion I declare that God is most definitely, positively a huge mutha fuckin dick.


“I just read your reply today.I have a lot of thinking to do on it.”


I just read your reply today.  I have a lot of thinking to do on it.  You do have a lot of anger and a  strong sense of humor but you are an artist- a very talented one and I guess it is your emotions and perceptions that drive you.

I am ejoying our dialogue- I will get back to  you on this email.

Keep Creating!

Heather Rausch

Well, I should hope so.B.
“…more importantly, what do you personally want from God? I don’t mean what do you want for the “World”  but what do you want for you?”

Hey-   I want to tell you about something that happened to me several years ago.

Here it goes…..

It was a cold and miserable Maryland, winter evening, reflecting my current situation.  My husband and I were going through a rough patch with each other.  I had gotten home from work and told my two boys I was going to lie down for awhile.  Instead I went up to my room to cry and pray.  Forty-five minutes later, I saw that it was  five o’clock.  I knew I had to get my act together and go downstairs and start dinner but I was so distraught.  All of a sudden a voice, so strong and direct sounded in my head.  “What, do you want?” It asked.   It was so strong and so real, that I answered it aloud even though it had only sounded in my head.

“Well, I would like him (my husband) to get me some flowers and to tell me he loves me, but that will never happen.” I laughed bitterly. I then got myself together and went down to cook dinner.

A little after six o’clock, my husband came into the house and walked into the kitchen.  His hands were behind his back.  “I love you,” he said, presenting me with a bouquet of flowers in his right hand. “I love you,” he said again presenting me with another bouquet of flowers in his left hand.  I was stunned.  Here I had asked for flowers and a simple “I love you” and God had given me twice the amount.

“I hope you don’t mind flowers from the grocery store,” my husband said, “I was driving home and knew that lately, I have not been the greatest husband, so I decided to stop and get you flowers from a florist.   I pulled in the parking lot and the sign said they were open till five, but they were already closed even though it was five o’clock on the dot, so I had to go to the grocery store.”

Looking, back, I now joke I wish I had asked for $$$ and not flowers….  but in reality, I was floored when he told me that he  pulled into the parking lot of the florist at 5:00, the same time I was answering God’s question.

Bob, I am not a Bible Thumping Christian, but I have had so many “supernatural” things happen to me, that I can not deny that God loves me and is interested in me.  I don’t make it to church a lot of the time, I don’t read my Bible everyday, but I do love to read it. When I do, a peace and calmness comes over me.  It is like, “coming home”.

I really love God, because he loved me first and he continues to do so.  I guess I feel and know that “he has my back”, so when those closest to me don’t come through- I still know things are going to work out. If God, loves me this much, (I am just  your average American) then I know he loves us all.

I can bore you with more stories, but I want to ask  you two more questions….

1. Do you even believe in God?  (I think you do, because  your illustration of God sounds like it came from reading the Old Testament)

2. And more importantly, what do you personally want from God? I don’t mean what do you want for the “World”  but what do you want for you?

Lastly, if you love talking politics- well I am sure we could have some lively discussions!

Take Care-


PS. Oh, since I know you are an artist, it is only fair for you to know I am a special ed teacher.

So wait. Your response to my reasons god’s a dick is to divert my attention with your “wish-granting genie” story? The possibility that your husband buying you flowers wasn’t just a nice coincidence is supposed to wipe away god commanding the world’s worship or suffer forever?I’m afraid you lost me. Your reasons for believing sound very very selfish. You even asked specifically “More importanly, what do you personally want from God? Not the World, but YOU?” Like the last priority is the big picture and humanity, just as long as there’s a couple shiny pennies dropped in the tin can every now and again. And that story of yours is years old? Tell me this. How often do you pray for something and it doesn’t happen? Added up does it fall within the odds they’re coincidences and not a super-being intervening in your personal life?

Heather, I have to tell you that lucky, sweet coincidences happen in my life as well, and I don’t pray to any god at all, ever. I also get that wonderful feeling of oneness with books too! Books do that sometimes. It has nothing to do with the supernaturalness of the book or its auther. Communicating to you through such ambiguous actions as these with your eternal soul on the line is an especially dickish directive, if you ask me.

I do not believe in god, Heather. I know what I know because I was raised in the belief. I was however able to see how much wishful thinking played its part in glossing over what a dick the character of god actually is.

Of course you like the hugs and warmth and soothing thoughts you feel when you imagine being cherished and special in the embrace of the guy who created everything. Of course you’re more than ready to believe the whole thing was invented with you in mind! He’s interested in YOU, Heather!! It’s really hard to resist those feelings of fame, popularity & specialness. It’s presented with such appeal to our most base, selfish, juvenile desires. These however aren’t reasons to believe. Instead they are glaring reasons to doubt.

Your wishful thoughts, Heather, are a pretty pink ribbon wrapped around the turd of difficult questions. And as selfish as I might be sometimes I am unable to gloss over these concerns that trade the human race for the tingly feeling inside like you are.

I don’t want anything from god, because he’s a dick. This isn’t politics. It’s philosophy.