Hate mail 489, the Benefits of being Shure

Another cutting page of hate mail to light a fire under my ass! This week they’re guaranteeing me that they’re absolutely, positively, bet-the-entire-farm that they’re shure. Check it out…

The Heather Rausch files

“I was wondering why you hate Jesus so much?”

Subject: Just Wondering

Hello Bob

I was wondering why you hate Jesus so much?  I came across your dress Jesus up website and it made me really sad.  There are a lot of ways to be controversial, do why do  you have to pick on Jesus.  I am not worried about Him, but am curious about you.


Heather Rausch

It’s because his dad’s a dick.Bob
“How so?”

How so?

Heather Rausch

Well, for one, he made us all sick and then commands us to be well, then he puts all and any blame for this on us! But there’s really no denying he’s the one who set it all into motion, and that, my friend, is “Being a dick.”Also, anyone who needs to be worshiped has got to be a dick, I don’t care who you are. Even if you invented air. Expecting everybody to bow down to you makes you a major dick.

A non-dick wouldn’t get any satisfaction from praise under threat. He’d let people live their lives and ask nothing in return. God expects endless “thank you’s”, love & worship, because he’s a dick.

God is responsible for the existence of eternal torture. Dick. He should have never invented life if eternal torture is its ultimate destiny, unless he’s a dick.

What other kind of person makes everything in the universe, invents life, has power over every single thing from the beginning of time until the end, then feels jealousy? I’ll tell you the kind of person. A dick-person. A spoiled rotten dick who has everything and it’s still not enough.

God constantly relies on the “I’m a victim of circumstance” excuse so he doesn’t look like a dick, which he is, which is also extremely, undeniably, and completely dickish.

In conclusion I declare that God is most definitely, positively a huge mutha fuckin dick.


“I just read your reply today.I have a lot of thinking to do on it.”


I just read your reply today.  I have a lot of thinking to do on it.  You do have a lot of anger and a  strong sense of humor but you are an artist- a very talented one and I guess it is your emotions and perceptions that drive you.

I am ejoying our dialogue- I will get back to  you on this email.

Keep Creating!

Heather Rausch

Well, I should hope so.B.
“…more importantly, what do you personally want from God? I don’t mean what do you want for the “World”  but what do you want for you?”

Hey-   I want to tell you about something that happened to me several years ago.

Here it goes…..

It was a cold and miserable Maryland, winter evening, reflecting my current situation.  My husband and I were going through a rough patch with each other.  I had gotten home from work and told my two boys I was going to lie down for awhile.  Instead I went up to my room to cry and pray.  Forty-five minutes later, I saw that it was  five o’clock.  I knew I had to get my act together and go downstairs and start dinner but I was so distraught.  All of a sudden a voice, so strong and direct sounded in my head.  “What, do you want?” It asked.   It was so strong and so real, that I answered it aloud even though it had only sounded in my head.

“Well, I would like him (my husband) to get me some flowers and to tell me he loves me, but that will never happen.” I laughed bitterly. I then got myself together and went down to cook dinner.

A little after six o’clock, my husband came into the house and walked into the kitchen.  His hands were behind his back.  “I love you,” he said, presenting me with a bouquet of flowers in his right hand. “I love you,” he said again presenting me with another bouquet of flowers in his left hand.  I was stunned.  Here I had asked for flowers and a simple “I love you” and God had given me twice the amount.

“I hope you don’t mind flowers from the grocery store,” my husband said, “I was driving home and knew that lately, I have not been the greatest husband, so I decided to stop and get you flowers from a florist.   I pulled in the parking lot and the sign said they were open till five, but they were already closed even though it was five o’clock on the dot, so I had to go to the grocery store.”

Looking, back, I now joke I wish I had asked for $$$ and not flowers….  but in reality, I was floored when he told me that he  pulled into the parking lot of the florist at 5:00, the same time I was answering God’s question.

Bob, I am not a Bible Thumping Christian, but I have had so many “supernatural” things happen to me, that I can not deny that God loves me and is interested in me.  I don’t make it to church a lot of the time, I don’t read my Bible everyday, but I do love to read it. When I do, a peace and calmness comes over me.  It is like, “coming home”.

I really love God, because he loved me first and he continues to do so.  I guess I feel and know that “he has my back”, so when those closest to me don’t come through- I still know things are going to work out. If God, loves me this much, (I am just  your average American) then I know he loves us all.

I can bore you with more stories, but I want to ask  you two more questions….

1. Do you even believe in God?  (I think you do, because  your illustration of God sounds like it came from reading the Old Testament)

2. And more importantly, what do you personally want from God? I don’t mean what do you want for the “World”  but what do you want for you?

Lastly, if you love talking politics- well I am sure we could have some lively discussions!

Take Care-


PS. Oh, since I know you are an artist, it is only fair for you to know I am a special ed teacher.

So wait. Your response to my reasons god’s a dick is to divert my attention with your “wish-granting genie” story? The possibility that your husband buying you flowers wasn’t just a nice coincidence is supposed to wipe away god commanding the world’s worship or suffer forever?I’m afraid you lost me. Your reasons for believing sound very very selfish. You even asked specifically “More importanly, what do you personally want from God? Not the World, but YOU?” Like the last priority is the big picture and humanity, just as long as there’s a couple shiny pennies dropped in the tin can every now and again. And that story of yours is years old? Tell me this. How often do you pray for something and it doesn’t happen? Added up does it fall within the odds they’re coincidences and not a super-being intervening in your personal life?

Heather, I have to tell you that lucky, sweet coincidences happen in my life as well, and I don’t pray to any god at all, ever. I also get that wonderful feeling of oneness with books too! Books do that sometimes. It has nothing to do with the supernaturalness of the book or its auther. Communicating to you through such ambiguous actions as these with your eternal soul on the line is an especially dickish directive, if you ask me.

I do not believe in god, Heather. I know what I know because I was raised in the belief. I was however able to see how much wishful thinking played its part in glossing over what a dick the character of god actually is.

Of course you like the hugs and warmth and soothing thoughts you feel when you imagine being cherished and special in the embrace of the guy who created everything. Of course you’re more than ready to believe the whole thing was invented with you in mind! He’s interested in YOU, Heather!! It’s really hard to resist those feelings of fame, popularity & specialness. It’s presented with such appeal to our most base, selfish, juvenile desires. These however aren’t reasons to believe. Instead they are glaring reasons to doubt.

Your wishful thoughts, Heather, are a pretty pink ribbon wrapped around the turd of difficult questions. And as selfish as I might be sometimes I am unable to gloss over these concerns that trade the human race for the tingly feeling inside like you are.

I don’t want anything from god, because he’s a dick. This isn’t politics. It’s philosophy.



7 thoughts on “Hate mail 489, the Benefits of being Shure”

  1. Bob, you’re replies are leaving me in tears. Your thesis on “Why God is a dick” was especially delightful. She walked right into that one.

    I can imagine you opening the email, reading her reply “How so?” , smiling and thinking “it’s almost too easy”.

  2. I hate these one-shot letters. I want them to keep replying to you, again and again and again, until finally they give up in utter exhaustion! But no, most of them can only be bothered with a single letter scolding you for being a naughty, naughty boy and making Jesus very sad, and then you never hear from them again. How disappointing.

  3. Let me take a guess at this one. It would be much wiser for God to intervene and send Heathers husband a telepathic message to bring her flowers than to manage and send food or water supplies to thousands of children starving to death daily in Africa with flies going in and out their mouths and their mothers teats dry from malnourishment because she believes in Jesus, that would only make perfect sense to a Christstian…DOH

  4. I have no idea whether she’ll frequent the comment page of her own hate mail file, but this is for Heather:

    I have no doubt that you have had spiritual or “supernatural,” to use your word, experiences. I can believe that you really did hear a voice inside your own head. And I can believe that your wish, which you felt would not happen, came true. And I have no doubt that the experience felt profound, even transcendent.

    I would only caution you not to jump to any conclusions about the nature of the universe or the existence of god because of it. Bear with me, for I’m not trying to be snobbishly didactic. I think you have something far more valuable than what you think you have, and you have failed to give credit where credit is due. As such, you’re missing out on something you actually do have.

    Normal Bob has one of the best and most down-to-Earth answers for the ubiquitous question, “What do you have to lose by believing in god?” (The lazy version of Pascal’s Wager.) His practical, and very wise answer, is that he loses out on the ability to truly appreciate the life he has right now, the only life of which he can be sure. Your comment so perfectly illustrates what he’s talking about.

    Listen to your wish, Heather. I would like him (my husband) to get me some flowers and to tell me he loves me, but that will never happen.</b? This was your answer to the voice that arose in your head. As clear as that voice was, so was your heart’s desire. You were that in touch with what you wanted at that moment. The only thing you got wrong was that you believed your husband could not likewise be that in touch with his wife’s desires.

    But he was, Heather. Some wives in your situation, but with different preconceptions about how the universe operates, might conclude that their husbands were psychic, and could literally read their minds. It would seem just as real to them as the presence of Jesus felt to you. Other wives around the globe might think the experience validated their own beliefs in whatever god they prayed to – and Israeli wife might think such an experience validates Judaism; and Indian wife might think it validates Vishnu or Ganesh; an Iraqi wife Allah.

    But not only are such leaps unwarranted, they are undermining. Your experience was very special, but not because a magical god made it happen. And your focus on the supernatural component you perceive distracts you from the natural experiences of which you can be sure. You were in touch with your own mind, your own consciousness, your own desires. At the same time, your husband was in tune with you as well.

    Focus not on the love you think you got from a magical being who made something happen for you. Focus on the love for which you have real evidence – the love you receive from your husband. You and he made that event happen. You were in tune with one another, in a way you mistakenly thought you were not. Don’t give that credit away. Don’t take it from yourself, and certainly don’t take it from your husband. Your cheating the both of you.

    You may think the supernatural component you perceive enriches the experience. I probably can’t convince you otherwise. I can only ask that you try to see it from the perspective of atheists and naturalists: The spooky part, the supernatural assumptions – that cheapens the very real experience you had. It distracts you.

    You could examine why your husband was so in tune with what you wanted when you wanted it. You could probe into your own minds. But my guess is that you won’t. You’ll give all the credit elsewhere, declaring it a kind of magic, not something that came within him, within you, and as a consequence of the kind of relationship you have.

    Some people spend their whole lives waiting for moments like that. But waiting doesn’t make it happen, nor does wishing, nor does praying. People make that happen by having the right connection and communication.

    Seize on the natural, study it, and make it grow. You’re lucky to have that love. It is human love, the love of your husband for you, and you for him. Not the love of god.

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