Blog, Final Justice Jesus, Jesus Dressup, News

Creating Final Justice Jesus

Current mood: crazy

Zen with Jesus Dressup magnets
Zen with Jesus Dressup magnets

Okay, I have a problem. I am obsessed with the new JDU. Seriously, I haven’t felt this since the first time I drew the goddamn thing 15 years ago. I am getting off on the hideous creations that come from combining the outfits. Like, right now I got JC in the stockings, clown shoes, Hitler jacket, Darth gloves, Charlie Manson wig, Hannibal mask, and Tinky Winky head over top of it all, and it’s fucking crazy shit. I mean fucking terrifying! Like I’ve never seen scarier shit than this comin’ at me in my darkest moments.

Then strap the fucking bomb to it and I’m lookin’ over my shoulder thinking the CIA is gonna spy this shit and follow me home. Then, just do this… take off the Hitler jacket. That’s it! Fucking crazy, right?

Oh my god. I’m going fucking mental here. I gotta solve this thing, whatever it is.

Okay, new costume. And this one is so basic. ready? The NAMBLA shirt, Hannibal mask, hitler hat, clown shoes & gloves. That’s it. Makes my heart fucking pound in terror. Try and tell me your heart wouldn’t jump right out of your chest if that Jesus was comin’ at ya in an alley. That fucking perverted creep, in those tighty whities. MOTHER FUCKER!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!! And strap a bomb to this shit and it’s a whole new fucking monster. NAMBLA man, with a fucking bomb strapped on. That’s fuckin’ killer sharks on crack mother fucker!

But you wanna know the real deal? Do you wanna see something real and something fucking scary? Gacy clown suit, black boots, clown gloves, and, ready? Fucking Osama head and bomb on the chest. If that doesn’t give you the heeby jeebies nothin’ will. Fucking nothin’.

So I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if this means I’ve made the best Jesus dress Up ever that’ll never be matched, or if I’ve just gone fucking crazy and my darkest nightmares are there, on the page, staring back at me from that cross. All I know is that I can’t get enough.

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Blog, Final Justice Jesus, Starbucks

Police Close Down Starbucks

police tape in Starbucks
Police shut down Starbucks after someone’s laptop is stolen

In case you were wondering, now if you have your bag stolen at Starbucks in Manhattan the cops rope off the tables with “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS” tape, tell people to leave the tables in the area, and several officers show up to take care of the situation and secure the area. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture! ––

It’s happening right now. No, don’t worry everybody! I’m all right. I wasn’t hurt or anything! I guess maybe someone got there laptop ripped off or something. But the funny thing is, it’s two NYU students who got ripped off (duh), and the guy is using a crutch (guess that could be a reason he was a target/can’t chase). What’s even better is I’ve seen junkies get carried out of here on stretchers and they didn’t waste an inch of police tape on that shit. Hell, I think they even had a half-price-coffee party after that.

Final Justice at Starbucks
Starbucks shut down by police while I’m designing Final Justice Jesus Dressup

Oh yeah, as you can see in that picture I’m working on the new magnets. They’re gonna be the coolest thing yet. No joke. I got both Mansons, Hitler, the KKK, Osama, even Freddy Kruger on the goddamn thing. You ain’t never seen any shit like this before, and you’ll never see it again, so hold your fuckin’ breath. This is black market, back alley crimes right here. The shit’s gonna hit the fan when these get out there, and when it does I’ll be ready.

They’re actually closing this place down because of that stolen bag! Christ. Unbelievable.

Atheism, Blog, Bob Smith USA, Event

“Bob Smith USA” NYC Premier

normal bob smith & insectavora
Normal Bob & Insectavora at Odessa following the Bob Smith USA Premier

So last night was the NYC premier of Bob Smith USA and it was great! I’d say that about 60 to 70 people showed up, which is great for a rainy Tuesday evening following the holidays. And it was a crazy collection of people. Geoffrey & Jason Blank (the NO POLICE STATE brothers from Union Square), Amber Ray and her colorful bunch of burlesque cuties, to Cony Island Freak Show celebrity Insectavora (Google her)! Christ she’s a funkin’ living doll. And Venessa, Colyn, all my friends made it, and quite a few people who I didn’t know. Even had a couple people there who were writing for small magazines and such. I was just happy to see everyone laughing and enjoying themselves through it all. It was the best. And strange, having all those people I know watching me up there, meeting my mother on the screen!

Drunkenly flirting with Insectavora after ego-boosting movie premier
Drunkenly flirting with Insectavora after ego-boosting movie premier

Then Two Boots threw a Beer & Pizza party afterwards for everybody downstairs. I had several beers, but was happy to find myself around so many friends, and pizza, and beer. Christ, I’d love it if Two Boots would show it again. I know word of mouth could sell out the next showing. Okay, enough rambling about how much I enjoyed myself last night. Now I need to find some way to catch up on the sleep.

Blog, News

Someone on the Internets is lookin’ out for me

This is kinda weird. This morning I got a whole bunch of emails telling me that I needed to update my personal credit card information for my ebay account. They seemed to be having problems there, and it was obvious from their tone, and the number of emails sent (3 dozen or so) that this was a real emergency! Someone was attempting to change my passwords and pin numbers and they needed the four digits off the back of all my credit cards, along with the account numbers, expiration dates, mother’s madden name, social security, etc.

So I clicked on the link that took me to their web pages. All I had to do was go to the page they linked me to and enter in all the information there, in just one shot! The link took me to ebay/Visa’s security update URL at “visacc253.net,” where I’m guessing all of their top secret account files are stored. Luckily I had all my credit cards handy, and my Social Security card and pin numbers memorized. This saved me a lot of hassle! It took like 2 minutes! 🙂

You know, I love the internet! It’s so handy now, with the World Wide Web, to take care of all these things all at once. It makes everything so easy. I was relieved that they gave me a “heads-up” before I was taken advantage of.

It looks like I got there just in the nick of time, because as soon as I clicked on the button that said “SECURE ACCOUNT INFO NOW,” it took me to a page that said everything was all right and I didn’t have to contact Visa or ebay (or any of my credit card companies) directly about the matter. Such a relief! Now I’m just going to spend the rest of the day relaxing, knowing that at least someone’s looking out for me!

Artist, Atheist, Anthropologist