All right. Your “Happy Birthday Wishes” are all very welcome and good (Thank you very much), but I will have you know that I am not the beloved East Village personality you all may think that I am.
Yesterday, June 23rd, the day before my birthday, I had girl tell me to “fuck off!” because she didn’t want my fucking advice and she didn’t ask for my fucking advice. I got news that Casper (a Graver from Union Square) doesn’t like me because, apparently I think I’m better than everybody! Later, I went to dinner with a girl who was chatting on AIM on her phone the whole meal because “I don’t have anything to say to you” (She wasn’t joking). And I even had an “ex-girlfriend” (however brief) tell me that she was “ashamed” to have ever gone out with me! And that was all yesterday!
And a quick glance at my Love Calendar tells me that the chances of me getting laid today are slim to none, so maybe, quite possibly, you all might want to consider that I could very well be one huge, gargantuan asshole, and wishing me a Happy Birthday message might be putting your own reputation at risk? Something to consider? But don’t think it isn’t appreciated!!! And NO TAKE-BACKS!
Oh yeah, one last thing about all of these “June 23rd haters,” I AM actually better than each of them, and they are all mental cases. Okay, so I left that part out before to make my reputation seem more questionable. But still, they all seriously hate me! And they all synchronized they’re opinions to the day before my birthday!
So seriously, who’s gonna have sex with me today? List your excuses below.