Category Archives: Final Justice Jesus

The Jesus Dressapp

UPDATE: Sept 25, 2016 – The Jesus Dressapp has been deleted from Google play, but is available, uncensored here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoIt’s here at last! The Jesus Dressapp for Android. But not without its share of drama… Already!
This is actually the 2nd version of this particular design posted within the last 48 hours. The first one removed for being too sexy explicit with the BDSM clothes. Those have now been removed. (btw, if you downloaded that first version you can still download the new one without disrupting the one you have. You’ll just have 2 versions on your phone.)

Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples
Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples

Anyone who’s followed the Jesus Dressup app story for the last 6+ years has witnessed the constant struggle to get it & keep it available to the public. And there’s a story to go with each desperate attempt made.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #1

Apple FAIL image

The first big attempt was in 2010. A fan of the site from Scotland came to visit at Union Square. He offered to make the app for iPhone. He’d mentioned it when we met, hung out a few days without talking much more about it. Then I happened to be walking by him on Astor Place the day he was flying back home and he shouted from the distance, “Do you still want me to make that iPhone app for you?”

“Sure! Go for it! Just put a link to the fridge magnets on it and it’ll be worth it to me!” I shouted back.

Knowing it was a lot of work to make, in haste I said, “If you can put a link to my store on it it’s yours to do whatever you want with!” Or something of that nature.

Many months passed and I had already forgotten about it. Then low and behold he messages telling me it’s done and ready to go. I was impressed.

The next step was getting it approved by Apple itself, which much to my surprise they did! We were both visibly shocked and excited.  Unfortunately, the other thing I was quick to find out was he’d made the Apple account entirely under his name, and all purchases of the app were going to him. I’d been shut out of it completely. And there wasn’t even a link on it to promote the magnets I sell.

I called him and explained how this wasn’t an acceptable setup. He immediately got defensive, saying “You said I could have it if I made it!”
After several more minutes of angry words I told him if he doesn’t change the situation fast I would contact Apple and tell them he’d stolen my product and have them take it down. He yelled back at me “Fine! I’m taking it down myself!” And hung up on me. It was removed seconds later.
Then this guy from Krapps emailed me wanting the full story…

Jesus Dressapp removed banner

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #2

Attempt #2 happened about a year later (2011). Inspired by the acceptance by Apple from the previous attempt I started asking around for possible programmers. Having an iPhone App appeared to be a venture that could be quite lucrative. This time I’d pay someone to make it again, and I could have full control, beginning to end.

Union Skaters w/jesus dressup flyer
David, Shiva, Greg & Tom burning a hole through Jesus Dressup flyer

A friend of mine from Union Square, one of the skateboard kids I’d known since he was 15, was now going to school for programming. He was happy to figure out how to make an iPhone app while getting paid. It took the better part of winter 2010/11 and a lot of headaches, but after several months we had our iPhone App ready to go. We submitted it to Apple, and about a week later they rejected it. I tried to appeal the rejection but they didn’t care. I belly ached to them how they approved it a year earlier when it wasn’t me who submitted it, but they stood firm. “Too controversial.”
It was spirit-breaking.

In an amusing side note, below is the image they sent us with the rejection letter. And yes, someone on their end had to dress him up like that before concluding it was too offensive for Apple.

March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.
March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.

Anyhow, this particular rejection really took the wind out of my sails for a Jesus Dressup app any time in the near future. Having it approved for the guy who stole it, and rejected after putting so much time and money into it was the deathblow. Tom and I parted ways, and I didn’t feel like getting into app making ever again.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #3

Then in 2013 I was contacted by a Facebook friend who said he wanted to make the Jesus Dressup app for Android. Let me say that he was making a very generous offer of doing it for no charge for the experience, and credit on the app itself. I warned him of the troubles in the past, the difficulty & time involved in making it, and the very real fact that it’s probably not worth it financially for either party involved. Still, he offered to do it while in school, for no pay.

A year later the progress had been minimal and I realized again, it was way too big a job to be worth doing at all. I seriously don’t know how making these free apps is worth it for anyone.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #4

Finally earlier this year, around March, I was contacted by another Jesus Dressup fan from Italy, offering to make the app for Droid. I did the usual “It’s a bigger job than you think, and afterwards it’ll be rejected for being offensive” speech. But as long as his name could be credited for making it he was willing to give it a shot, no charge. He sent me video of how it’d play, and several months later it was done. That was last week.

Less than 24 hours later it was deleted from Google Play for being too sexually explicit. So we removed the BDSM option, and just in case we also removed the Nazi stuff from the Final Justice version, and now it’s back up. And that is where we stand.

Playthrough of the 2016 Jesus Dressapp for Android

It has almost every version of Jesus Dressup I’ve ever made included, it’s FREE, and it even has a link to my fridge magnets in it!
I have an iPhone so I haven’t played it yet, but after watching the play-through (above) I really wish I had a Droid instead. And the reviews it’s getting are astounding!

Jesus Dressapp Batman screenshot

“Even more fun in app form!”

“I have the magnet set, but now it’s on my PHONE! No more carrying my refrigerator around wherever I go”

“Hilarious”

Even more fun on app form. I love the magnets so the app is even better! I love the villains option, it’s my favorite! Easy to use and fun.”

“Instant classic. Brilliant”

So race to Play Google, download it before it’s deleted again, pass the link onto friends and write a nice review before I’m writing about the Jesus Dressapp 5th Attempt!
Just click on the link below. And if that one’s been deleted you can always get the completely uncensored one here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressapp for Droid on Google Play

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New & Improved Final Justice Jesus Dressup!

Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets
Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets ($14) include notorious villains like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy & The Hamburgler




 

 

I don’t think it’s any big secret that my favorite version of Jesus Dressup is the Final Justice version. So I just went back and added some more villains, repaired a few glitches in the coding and tweaked the existing artwork to make it even better than it was before! So go see what I consider the greatest Jesus Dressup ever!

• Can you name all 14 villains?
• Any other villain ideas? Mind you, the character must be recognizable using just clothes.

Cry to Boycott Toys R Us for selling Jesus Dressup!

Sept 9th – Dec 1st,  2008 Spanish & French press

Boycot Toys R Us symbol

So the story goes like this: I plant Jesus Dress Up on the shelves of Toy-R-Us in Times Square (Sept 9th, 08) as described in the sidebar on page 382 of Hate Mail. After my exit, a Spaniard on vacation with his family walks into that Toys-R-Us, sees the magnets, can’t find anyone to assist him with his complaint, so when he returns to Spain he phones 1-800-ToysRUs and gets the brush off: “We sell all types of products” [elConfidential]. Sooo he takes it to the internet, campaigning against the toy store.

Le Figaro Newspaper
Le Figaro News prints “Boycot Toys R Us for selling Jesus Dressup” article

Someone doesn’t do their research and Le Figaro News cries “Boycott!”

Gossip spreads faster than fact, and before you know it the internet’s steaming with rumors, trumping it up to the Hitler\KKK version & speculation that Toys-R-Us is sidestepping the controversy with the excuse: “some individual operated on his own!” [Hazteoir.org] even though “the product was perfectly identified with bar code and price!” [Padre Rayito]

Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets
Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets ($14) include notorious villains like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy & The Hamburgler

“we want to arm a crusade to show their management that they cannot make fun of the Church of Christ and its members when disguising Jesus Christ as Hitler, of flamenco dancer, a Teletubbie, Ku Klux Klan, Bin Laden, a prisoner, gorilla…”

Note that I only left Original Jesus Dressup magnets at their stores, but the Padre found my site, and leaped on the most extreme ones to mention in his blog. Anyhow, the matter and the magnets have all been turned over to their legal department [Unitas.fr] –

“Our contact in the United States found an Internet site on which a person admits to having introduced this item during a few minutes in the store in New York City, and this without the knowledge of Toys R’ Us, with an obvious aim to harm our reputation. Once the article discovered by our teams, it immediately was withdrawn and preserved for the investigation to come. You will understand that we are strongly affected by the gesture of this person. The Legal department of our Group currently studies the legal remedy to implement and we’re currently taking the necessary measures so that does not happen again.”

This, once again, was another untrue statement:  MOHAMMED DRESSUP FOR SALE IN TOYS R US >>

Creating Final Justice Jesus

Current mood: crazy

Zen with Jesus Dressup magnets
Zen with Jesus Dressup magnets

Okay, I have a problem. I am obsessed with the new JDU. Seriously, I haven’t felt this since the first time I drew the goddamn thing 15 years ago. I am getting off on the hideous creations that come from combining the outfits. Like, right now I got JC in the stockings, clown shoes, Hitler jacket, Darth gloves, Charlie Manson wig, Hannibal mask, and Tinky Winky head over top of it all, and it’s fucking crazy shit. I mean fucking terrifying! Like I’ve never seen scarier shit than this comin’ at me in my darkest moments.

Then strap the fucking bomb to it and I’m lookin’ over my shoulder thinking the CIA is gonna spy this shit and follow me home. Then, just do this… take off the Hitler jacket. That’s it! Fucking crazy, right?

Oh my god. I’m going fucking mental here. I gotta solve this thing, whatever it is.

Okay, new costume. And this one is so basic. ready? The NAMBLA shirt, Hannibal mask, hitler hat, clown shoes & gloves. That’s it. Makes my heart fucking pound in terror. Try and tell me your heart wouldn’t jump right out of your chest if that Jesus was comin’ at ya in an alley. That fucking perverted creep, in those tighty whities. MOTHER FUCKER!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!! And strap a bomb to this shit and it’s a whole new fucking monster. NAMBLA man, with a fucking bomb strapped on. That’s fuckin’ killer sharks on crack mother fucker!

But you wanna know the real deal? Do you wanna see something real and something fucking scary? Gacy clown suit, black boots, clown gloves, and, ready? Fucking Osama head and bomb on the chest. If that doesn’t give you the heeby jeebies nothin’ will. Fucking nothin’.

So I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if this means I’ve made the best Jesus dress Up ever that’ll never be matched, or if I’ve just gone fucking crazy and my darkest nightmares are there, on the page, staring back at me from that cross. All I know is that I can’t get enough.