Category Archives: Death Threat

Klaus Grantig to cut off my Crazy Monkey Head!

Remember back when I first posted Mohammed Dressup like almost a year ago and no one, and I mean NO ONE cared? Well now someone freakin’ cares! Enough to telephone his brothers in Islam and tell them to come hunt me down and slice off my crazy monkey head! And thus begins the much anticipated –
Crazy Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorist Death Threats

The Klaus Grantig files

“we will cut your head you crazy monkey”

Subject: Fuck you

We will kill you you motherfucker, we will cut your head you crazy monkey. down with amerika, down with all amerikans.

we hunt you and we will find you. be sure you animal, that we have the power to find you. my brothers in islam are ready to cut your head. i hope we can kill a lot of amerikans around the world, for your homepage must be pay al lot of amerikans and you are guilty mothertfucker.

Klaus Grantig

First of all, thank you for the email. Perhaps you are open to a reasonable discussion on the matter before you and your brothers in Islam waste much energy hunting me down to cut off my crazed monkey head? You see, I fail to see how beheading everyone who disagrees with you will help your cause. Had you not considered that such actions will only condone similar actions from those who disagree with you, thus leading to the beheading of you and your Islamic brothers and brother-inlaws? And honestly, I don’t think the Great Allah would want that.I can see that you feel quite strongly about this but I hope you can set aside your fundamentalist beliefs for just a minute and see this from my viewpoint. Having my head sawed off does concern me, but I also know that nothing gets solved if everyone’s walkin’ around without their heads! lol!

Mortal enemies to the end? Or, perhaps, mortal frenemies?


“we will dress you with the skin of your daughter”

i dont like to open a discussion with you. your job is to make jokes about my lovely prophet, the last messenger of god.

we now the enemys of god and the prophet of islam. dont tell me any stories of your rights to open this very bad homepage against muslim worldwide.

i will send messages to my brothers in islam, that you have open a war against our prophet, we will dress you with the skin of your daughter or son, believe me. you have open the war und you have to pay fo the beginning of the War!

Klaus Grantig

Klaus Grantig,Hey, I have a brilliant observation for you. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe the reason you’re all so grumpy and sawing people’s heads off all the time is because you’ve got such a grumpy, poopy religion? Maybe if for just a minute you stopped makin’ everything that happened to your prophet such a priority and worried a little bit more about Klaus’s needs you just might find a daisy growin’ in all those weeds? I bet you would!

Now I’m gonna give you a chance to apologize for sayin’ you’d dress me up in the skins of my children so that instead we can set an example for them. It’s time we show ‘em how two adults can discuss their differences maturely without having to turn the white babies inside-out and drape the father in their bloody hides.

I’m waiting! And you better sound like you mean it!


“i apologize me for nothing you dirty kafir.”

fuck you and all the amerikans you stupid guy and ashole!!! its time we destroy people like you. its better you motherfucker you cloth your homepage and you jump from the next bridge, you are sick, you are dirty, you are crazy!!!!!

down with amerika amerika makes the people sick i apologize me for nothing you dirty kafir. im waiting. and its better you will cloth your dirty homepage motherfucker

Klaus Grantig

No apology? *sigh!* Everyone’s gotta be so difficult.I guess two hafta play at this game. I suppose now I gotta go look for my saw, and find where I put my black hood and come over there, find you and your freakin’ children, skin them, drape you in their flesh, and then saw off your head in retaliation. Yeesh! What a mess this’ll make. I’m gonna have to pack two butcher’s aprons now! Happy?!?

Christ, now what? Oh yeah – We Americans need to destroy you pig dogs. *yawn* I hope you die, and hurt, and cramp you dirty stupid guy. And loads of exclamation points to drive my descriptions even deeper into your psyche –>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rot, sick, die, fart, fire, explosion, warm beer, tooth decay and an aqua prom dress.

The apocalypse is near. I shall inform my American brethren of your filthy toilet mouth and tell them it is we who’ve actually got the real last messenger of God, and he’s twice as lovely as yours. So, nya!


“I hope you have millions of 9/11!!!!”

you can do nothing dog of the devil!

my brohers in islam will kill slowly more shit americans in irak! I hope you have millions of 9/11!!!!

i wait of you ashole son of a dirty mother. we muslims ar laughing obout stupid guys like you. be sure, one day you stand up peacefull, leave the house and then someones cut your head quickly and full of pain. fuck all amerikans, fuck your dirty culture. white men we will catch you and than you have a lot of painfull moments dirty kafir, go to hell. we are behiond you ashole. we find you and we kill you so terrible!!!!!!!

Klaus Grantig

Christ, it’s official then. I’m comin’ over there to avenge my 9/11 American brotherhood with the edge of a blade and the black of my heart. All of Islam will bow before our great monkey armies and your heads shall be lifted from your shoulders at the point of our spears to block out the Middle Eastern sun. Your doggies and kittens will be split in two and their blood will run purple in the streets, ankle deep, and about 22.7 meters across.Does this sort of talk really scare you people into submission?
Honestly, that’s kinda freakin’ adorable.



Rochelle Hires a Hitman


Subject: Hey You sick Fuck remeber Me

Hey Bobby Boy, Just to let you know hmm. It may not interest you but Your gonna die. NO No No JESUS isn’t gonna do it so don’t worry jesus isn’t gonna do it. But I know who is, You really wanna know ooops its a surprise, I like surprises do you well your gonna love this one. Cause I’m gonna send someone too trace you down and massacre you. OOOPS I JUST SPOILED THE SURPRISE OH ME OH MY. WELL NOW THAT YOU KNOW I’LL GIVE YOU A HEAD START TOO RUN, RUN AS FAST YOU CAN. CAUSE SOMONE IS COMING TO GET YOU AHAHAHA. DON’T YOU FIND THAT HIRING A HIT MAN THESE DAYS IS JUST SO EXPENSIVE BUT ITS WORTH IT. ANYWAYS SEE YOU ON THE NEWS OR SHOULD I SAY IN HELL.


Subject: Hey Rochelle

Fact is, someone who’s really hired a hitman wouldn’t give me a running head start, otherwise the hitman would be very mad at you and probably shoot you instead.

Go ahead and rewrite this if you want. I’ll pretend I didn’t see your mistake and give you a second chance to really scare me.


“i sure apologise for someone who use my email adress to threaten you”

Subject: I aplogise

i sure apologise for someone who use my email adress to threaten you i hope to talk to you sometimes i think you are quite interesting.


Subject: Oh, no problem.

Let’s just forget it ever happened. I mean, it was only a death threat instructing me to run RUN as fast as I can because a hitman’s been hired and he’s coming to hunt me down and kill me. What’s the big deal? Thanks for sending me that one sentence apology and that believable explanation. That clears everything up. Hey, why do you let other people use your HotMail account? Is it hard for them to get a HotMail account of their own?

I have another interesting question to ask you. You got my reply to your death threat that same evening. Okay, so here’s my question. Why didn’t you respond to it? I know that you read it (because you were “Chatting online with new friends” pretty late that night), so why did it take three days for you to clear up this situation? Don’t you think Jesus would have taken care of it that evening.

I have to admit, it sounds like you’re lying. Are you lying?

Aug 7, 2004

Subject: Hey, it’s me. The guy you’re murdering.

Maybe you could help me out with something. You said that someone else sent that email? Could you hook me up with that person’s contact information? I have a rather in-depth list of questions I’d like to ask this person. You know, about the hitman he hired and the death threat in general. In fact, I should probably just have all of the information on that person who used your email (better safe than sorry), so send me their name and email address and all of that info please.

Thanks in advance for sending me all of this, then we don’t have to get the police involved.


Aug 11, 2004

Subject: Where are you? Are you still killing me?

I still haven’t heard from you regarding the guy who snuck in, used your email and hired the hitman. Please get back to me regarding this.

It is quite important to me to get that information (because the hitman will kill me), so please send me anything you know about this immediately. If you really loved Jesus Christ you’d help save my life. Geesh, I really hate being a bother about all of this. I swear, if it wasn’t my life on the line I wouldn’t keep pestering you with this.

At least email me back so I can be assured that you weren’t simply lying to me and that you in fact are responsible for that death threat.Thank you for your time and patience.Maybe together we can get this maniac who emailed me behind bars!


Aug 22, 2004

Subject: Hey, just wondering. Am I a dead man?

Hey! I haven’t heard back from you ever again. I was wondering what’s going on? Is the hitman really from you? Are you just waiting for me to be bumped off so I’ll go away? I do not fully understand what’s going on.

At first I was a little worried about your safety seeing as how you have somebody hacking into your Hotmail account who hires hitmen to murder people, but now that you’re no longer replying to my emails I’m starting to think maybe the two of you are in on this together. Is that the case? Are you friends with the person who’s going to kill me? If it is then I’m definitely going to get the police involved.Please get back to me so that I know for sure if I should worry.Thank you for your quick and speedy reply. I’m not going away.


This is Rochelle. She’s the one who just threatened my life. She did not send this picture of herself to me. I had a source trace her email and find it, along with a lot of other information so that at the very least the authorities will know who to question. I debated what exactly to do in regards to this threat and decided that ignoring it just wasn’t on the list of options.

There are several things I want to illustrate by posting her death threat. First of all, I am not scared at all by an email. It turns out that there’s nothing emptier than the promises that come from strangers via the Internet. I also want to point out how stupid people can be and that those who do cave to threats like these are short changing themselves for no reason at all.

It’s also important to show just how seriously some people take my site and how far some believe “God’s message” should be taken. But the most important point I hope to make here now is this: Girls, if you want to be with me before I am knocked off, you’d better get here quick! I mean, imagine if you coulda been one of the few who fucked Kurt Cobain or John Lennon, or Ronald Reagan? Okay, I’m not sayin’ I’m at that level yet, but you can bet if I’m hit my fame should at least double! Right?

C’mon! You’re going to be kickin’ yourself if you miss this opportunity! Last chance! Tick, tock, tick, tock…