Last week I noticed a dramatic spike in sales for many of my less popular items, like the Coexist Idiots bumper-stickers, Union Sq matchgame postcards, and especially upped sales for the Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets. I certainly notice when those start flying off the shelves, because they’ve resisted it for many years. Well, I found out why this was happening for the Mohammed magnets. There’s a store in Hollywood California called Soap Plant Wacko (permission to mention them by name granted) where I sell the Mohammeds through. This store has been one of my all time best customers for 6 years now. When they first heard I had the Mohammed sets available (in addition to the Jesus Dressups they’d been buying), Billy didn’t even hesitate to get them along with everything else he buys from me. 100% of all other stores who order from me do not request the Mohammed sets. No judgements. Just fact.
Yesterday I was told where this extra publicity came from. Seems that the artist who won the Draw Mohammed Contest in Texas where that shooting took place last year, Bosch Fostin, saw them at Wacko. He was both shocked and impressed. He took a picture of them at the store and posted them on his Facebook page giving kudos to both me and the store. “Someone gave me the head’s up that this is being sold in an LA store. I imagine you would have thought this impossible. I did. But it’s real. It’s freedom.”
His post sparked a lot of comments, shares and direct messages wishing me well and telling me to be safe. Now, I’ve had mohammeddressup.com up for over ten years now. Posted back in 2006 I’ve never felt under threat in any way since doing so. For the record, I’d been drawing Mohammed in comics and games before that as well, trolling for hate mail you might say. Not to say I didn’t get my share, and even death threats, but I’ve gotten way more of both those things from Christians for Jesus Dressup. Never once did I feel like there was an actual threat to be worried about, except that time the Prophet Mohammed himself chopped off my finger. Satan was there to help me with that recovery, though.
Now I’m realizing not everyone has seen all the letters I’ve received. I thought this might be a perfect opportunity to rally together the Mohammed ones and put them on display. Here are those emails which led to nothing more than another email from who I think it’s safe to presume are ornery and confused 15 year old boys.
Jan. 2009 Your motherfuckers. i'm a moslem and i fuck you bitch !! mother fucker !!! motherfucker!! you assshole… JESUS!! haahha fuck ami and also fuck france !!! I killl you !!!! France = ASS- england/America= HOLE!! Murat Alemdar |
I haven’t seen this much bellyaching since 6th grade when little Sally Chesterfield got her pigtails pulled by Smartypants Melvin McGrift!Sally peed her panties that disastrous Friday afternoon and got sent home early. Are you gonna pee your panties, Murat? How many more yanks on your pigtails is it gonna take to get you sent home with a face covered in tears, and pee pee all over your flowery dress? You seem ripe and at the ready. I’m guessing, it’s not gonna take more than 2 yanks. Put your money on it, Sally! Bob |
Subject: hahahahahahahahaahaha I say just one : listen me : the God would you (the christs and jewul) do in his hell. wait !!! here for you!! : allahim ben eyer bir kiafir sem benim Jesami burda bile ver ameeeen!! do you know what you say? haha you say : Please God, i?m a christ.Do me in your scary hell !!!!!!! Bitch!!!!! Murat Alemdar |
I’m beginning to get a clearer picture of you now. I’m betting I could convince you I was a magical wizard with nothing more than a Zippo lighter, a handful of Pop Rocks and a couple basic card tricks. In fact, let me inform you right now, your Amazing Prophet Muhammad appeared before me last night weeping at my feet, begging me to be his new slave master because, according to Muhammad: “Allah is a sissy coward who runs & hides when people dare him to send them to hell!”Naturally I accepted Muhammad’s pathetic pleas and even had a special dog collar made up for him of used condoms strung together by sewer rat intestines and tied to a shiny new penny with his name engraved on it!He still needs to be potty trained. I give him a sharp tap on the nose with my finger every time he piddles in the house, but he’ll learn eventually because “Muhammad’s such a gooooood boy!! Aren’t you a good boy, my Prophet Muhammad! Oh yes you are! Yes you are!”Muhammad:“ARF ARF ARF!!!” So now, in an odd turn of events you, Murat, bow to me. It’s funny how much a particular outlook on the world can change in just one afternoon, huh? Thank you, and all the Muslims for your continued support, Bob, “The New Allah” |
I think it's not ok, what you do? I'm a moslem and you are don't right to caricature about my religion? do you understand me?? You will catch it from god(Allah) make yourself scarce!!!!! Murat Alemdar kamil_yozgat_66@hotmail.de |
And you threaten to murder strangers over the internet in defense of your god .I suppose we simply have to agree to disagree and share together this piece of cake we call “life.”A great wisdom has been unearthed here this week. Bob |
Aug. 2008 Subject: Your satanic website Mr. “Normal” Bob: We want say you that we dont take care about that you make a joke an ridiculize the prophet Jesus of Nazareth, but making a joke and make an offensive comic of Our Prophet Muhammad is a Big Sin and a offense to Allah, the Unique God. Because we declare you an millitary target for our organization here in NYC. Your days over earth will finish soon. Vladimir Balza |
I’m not sure if it makes any difference but just for the record, in my beliefs it’s not a “Big Sin” to mock Muhammad. I realize that you wrote me your death threat without any details of my “religion” so I’ll allow you to retract your military threat now that you understand its no offense to me.Sorry for the confusion, but seriously, you can’t expect everyone in the world to believe all the same things you believe, otherwise that’d make us all the same religion, and who’d want a whole world of militant Islamic Fundamentalists? Allah? I don’t think so.Thank you for the email, and sorry about the misunderstanding. You can stop targeting me now. Bob |
Sorry, Mr. Bob. An offense can not be retracted, neither the consecuenses. Is not a threat, your sin will be punished. Allah forgive you. Vladimir Balza vladbalza@hotmail.com |
Well, shit. Then I might as well just keep the site up and mock Muhammad ’til my “earth days are over,” huh? Thank you for all the advanced warnings, and plan updates. Keep me in the loop. Bob |
July 2008 Subject: Fuck you We will kill you you motherfucker, we will cut your head you crazy monkey. down with amerika, down with all amerikans. we hunt you and we will find you. be sure you animal, that we have the power to find you. my brothers in islam are ready to cut your head. i hope we can kill a lot of amerikans around the world, for your homepage must be pay al lot of amerikans and you are guilty mothertfucker. Klaus Grantig |
First of all, thank you for the email. Perhaps you are open to a reasonable discussion on the matter before you and your brothers in Islam waste much energy hunting me down to cut off my crazed monkey head? You see, I fail to see how beheading everyone who disagrees with you will help your cause. Had you not considered that such actions will only condone similar actions from those who disagree with you, thus leading to the beheading of you and your Islamic brothers and brother-inlaws? And honestly, I don’t think the Great Allah would want that.I can see that you feel quite strongly about this but I hope you can set aside your fundamentalist beliefs for just a minute and see this from my viewpoint. Having my head sawed off does concern me, but I also know that nothing gets solved if everyone’s walkin’ around without their heads! lol! Mortal enemies to the end? Or, perhaps, mortal frenemies? Bob |
i dont like to open a discussion with you. your job is to make jokes about my lovely prophet, the last messenger of god. we now the enemys of god and the prophet of islam. dont tell me any stories of your rights to open this very bad homepage against muslim worldwide. i will send messages to my brothers in islam, that you have open a war against our prophet, we will dress you with the skin of your daughter or son, believe me. you have open the war und you have to pay fo the beginning of the War! Klaus Grantig |
Klaus Grantig, Hey, I have a brilliant observation for you. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe the reason you’re all so grumpy and sawing people’s heads off all the time is because you’ve got such a grumpy, poopy religion? Maybe if for just a minute you stopped makin’ everything that happened to your prophet such a priority and worried a little bit more about Klaus’s needs you just might find a daisy growin’ in all those weeds? I bet you would! Now I’m gonna give you a chance to apologize for sayin’ you’d dress me up in the skins of my children so that instead we can set an example for them. It’s time we show ‘em how two adults can discuss their differences maturely without having to turn the white babies inside-out and drape the father in their bloody hides. I’m waiting! And you better sound like you mean it! Bob |
fuck you and all the amerikans you stupid guy and ashole!!! its time we destroy people like you. its better you motherfucker you cloth your homepage and you jump from the next bridge, you are sick, you are dirty, you are crazy!!!!! down with amerika amerika makes the people sick i apologize me for nothing you dirty kafir. im waiting. and its better you will cloth your dirty homepage motherfucker Klaus Grantig |
No apology? *sigh!* Everyone’s gotta be so difficult.I guess two hafta play at this game. I suppose now I gotta go look for my saw, and find where I put my black hood and come over there, find you and your freakin’ children, skin them, drape you in their flesh, and then saw off your head in retaliation. Yeesh! What a mess this’ll make. I’m gonna have to pack two butcher’s aprons now! Happy?!? Christ, now what? Oh yeah – We Americans need to destroy you pig dogs. *yawn* I hope you die, and hurt, and cramp you dirty stupid guy. And loads of exclamation points to drive my descriptions even deeper into your psyche –>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rot, sick, die, fart, fire, explosion, warm beer, tooth decay and an aqua prom dress. The apocalypse is near. I shall inform my American brethren of your filthy toilet mouth and tell them it is we who’ve actually got the real last messenger of God, and he’s twice as lovely as yours. So, nya! Bob |
you can do nothing dog of the devil! my brohers in islam will kill slowly more shit americans in irak! I hope you have millions of 9/11!!!! i wait of you ashole son of a dirty mother. we muslims ar laughing obout stupid guys like you. be sure, one day you stand up peacefull, leave the house and then someones cut your head quickly and full of pain. fuck all amerikans, fuck your dirty culture. white men we will catch you and than you have a lot of painfull moments dirty kafir, go to hell. we are behiond you ashole. we find you and we kill you so terrible!!!!!!! Klaus Grantig reformator1@web.de |
Christ, it’s official then. I’m comin’ over there to avenge my 9/11 American brotherhood with the edge of a blade and the black of my heart. All of Islam will bow before our great monkey armies and your heads shall be lifted from your shoulders at the point of our spears to block out the Middle Eastern sun. Your doggies and kittens will be split in two and their blood will run purple in the streets, ankle deep, and about 22.7 meters across.Does this sort of talk really scare you people into submission? Honestly, that’s kinda freakin’ adorable. Bob |
Sep 2008 Subject: hey there.. introducing myself as a person, without mentioning that i'm muslim too, so all my point of view will not be taking any side... i mean is this the best u can do.. i am 100% sure that u know nothing about prophet Muhammad, so a try like this to make fun of him is absolutely pointless and is actually humilating to you, not to him, not to any muslim. u should wonder why prophet Muhammad was chosen the first among the list of the greatest men who ever lived, a list that was put by a western scientest in world's history. i'm guessing u r christian, if having no religion at all. have u ever seen anything that's meant to be mocking any prophet (Jesus Criest especially if u r cristian)? that's because we as muslims believe in all prophets and they're all respected and also their messages. and have u ever wondered why there are more than one version of that bible of yours? just run it through ur mind for one minute. that's because it got changed in way that no one sane could even think it's a holly book from God. it itself has gestures of mocking some prophets in some way or another referring to their human-desire mostly. can it be that God says that about his prophets whom he has chosen to be leaders to other people? It's known (not by most of the western ordinary people) that the bible introduces Muhammad as one of the next prophets and as the last of them. if u read throughly into some history books u'll see that the relation between muslims and christians was based on both respecting each other and actually with only few diffrences between. So why now has it turned to be one mocking the other's prophet. ask urself if u think this is right keep that site of urs running, but i'm asking u as one other person if not to close it. be honest, if not with me be it with urself.. Salam garfield13_mlw@hotmail.com |
alam, I am an atheist (Insert gargantuan sigh of relief here), so all of this Sci-fi talk about what order God puts the Prophets, which book is more holy, and who's more Chosen, has no affect on me. Your god, the Christian's god, the Jew's god, the Heaven's Gate god, the Greek gods and the Norse gods are all equal to me. They are all equally pretend. They were once necessary for our survival back in a day when we had no other way to answer the questions that perplexed us. But now, even though we've got the tools at our hands to solve life's problems, we've still got this useless appendix taking up valuable space in our logical thought. For whatever ungodly reason all of you people think that THE GOD orchestrated out this bizarre assortment of happen-stances back thousands of years ago when, coincidentally, people also believed in fire-breathing dragons, a flat earth, leach-cures for demon possession, while knowing nothing of which mushrooms to eat, and which ones to throw into the river. It is entirely up to you if you are going to buy into that which the cavemen who preceded you wrote in their ancient scribes of magical men who spoke for God, and in doing so were rewarded with the supplest of virgins in the clouds. I, however, am not so easily duped and thwarted into belief by the written threat of eternal pain and torture, or the reward of the largest throne beside the Ruler of the Universe. How can you not see the errors of man and equate them directly with the gods they've invented throughout history? How can you bow down yourself and not see your brother on the other side of the world bowing himself to his own version and still believe you are right and he is wrong? You picked the correct supreme being while he is wasting his time worshipping a non existent one? How can one be so illogical? How can one be so blind? Even as a child when I was a Christian I saw the flaws in the logic, and its contradictions with basic science, and I never stopped questioning. I questioned to the point that when I finally became an adult I had no doubt that the reason it didn't make any sense was because it was bull. It was bull that my parents thought was real, and their parents thought the same, and so on and so on. I'm proud to say that I've stopped the chain of unquestioning lambs and came to terms with the idea that when we die it's actually over. It just ends. No different than the elephant, the fly, the dolphin or the crow. There is no grand judgement, line of trumpeting horns, towering diamond-studded gates, or a super-duper present wrapped in the biggest bow with your name on it. How can you not see that it's your own self-righteous, self-obsessed, selfishness that keeps you believing the universe revolves around you, and the magic wizards in the sky are fighting over us like foolish school children, pouting, complaining, and spiting each other in their jealous, cry-baby hissy-fits, casting those who won't be their best friends into an eternal pit of suffering and turmoil? How can you not see that their behavior is a direct reflection of our own inner child, lashing out at that which we have no control over – Our own mortality. And it has survived this many ages because we are still infantile, ornery children at heart, and I understand now that it is our duty to address and control that child. We as a species still have more evolving to accomplish. Hopefully you folks will come to your senses and stop this We've-got-the-REAL-God madness before it's too late. Until then we atheists are holding our breath while you folks play Tug-O-War with the Apocalypse. Bob PS. Oh yeah! And thank you for the email! It's the first one I got for the Muhammad thingy! |
And finally, these from India were written in Hindi and translated by an Indian friend of mine. I cracked up rereading these because they’re exactly the sorts of messages I get when I play GTA V and shoot someone down in free mode.
Sep 2008 Subject: Fuck u bich How dare u did stupid thing here U bich Son of rascle U r time is over now Sajid Shaikh |
Son of a rascle!?!??!?!?! I'm SHOCKED!!!! How dare you!!!!!!!! You will regret ever saying such a thing, you... you... you son of a leg-puller!! Now all your dreams are shattered. Bob |
son of a pig. There are burnt, dead lizard eggs in the hair around your mother's ass Sajid Shaikh |
there is a goat in your moms pussy, a snake's dick in her ass and in her mouth, the balls of a rat Bob |
Bitch, I've found your address. now your mom is going to get fucked in 15 days. |
Yes, and I too have found your home address and am flying there to have sex with members of your family, but in just 12 days. Sajid, let me give you a little lesson in terroism. If you had addresses you would have sent it to me along with your threats. But don't think I'm not impressed with the way you people terrorize each other into doing stuff. It's really sexy! Bob |
17 KE LAAND KI PAIDAISH, 17 GOHDE AUR SUAR NE M.C. KE TIME PE TERI MAA KO CHAUDA THA JAB JA KE TERE JAISI RAAND KI AULAD PAIDA HUI YA TAU TU PAGAL HAI, YA AIDS KA MARIZ HO SAKTA HAI TU HIJDA BHI HO SAKTA HAI ITS 100% SURE I KNOW THE ABOVE WORDS ARE NOT EFFECTED ON YOU BECAUSE U R DIFFIRENT FROM HUMAN BEING - U R SIMPLY MAD BICH I YOU THINK U R TRUE PERSON U CAN SAND ME YOUR PROPER ADDRESS AND NAME N SEE WAT I'LL DO WITH U- ITS MY OPEN CHALLENGE TO U IF U AVOID TO FORWARDING ME UR ADDRESS- THEN IT IS 101% CONFIRM TAT U R SON OF RAAAAAAAND TAT ALL SAJID SHAIKH sksajid32@gmail.com BAZAR ROAD BANDRA (WEST), MUMBAI-400050 INDIA |
Oh no! A son of a rand?!? Oh my gosh. Not THAT! Oh sweet Mother Mary, how will I ever sleep knowing that Sajid in India thinks I'm a SON OF A RAND for not telling you my home address?!?! But WAIT! I thought YOU said you already HAD my address! You were going to go fuck my mother in 15 days, remember?!? Or was I exactly, totally, perfectly correct that you're a weenie who soaks his dick in goat piss, butters it with camel sperm, then covers it in dead flies, and sticks it in the mouths of all your beloved ancestor's rotting corpses? Christ, I am crazy in love with this new freeform method of empty-threat-terrorism! No wonder you people throw it around at each other like wet tissue paper all the time! It's so anything-goes! Look at me! I'm the son of a rand! Bob http://www.muhammaddressup.com/ |
U R DIFFIRENT FROM HUMAN BEING - U R SIMPLY MAD BICH Don't worry I'll teach u a lesson Bastard Sajid Shaikh sksajid32@gmail.com |
Yes. I'm very very terrified of you with your wrong addresses, graphic name calling, and Bombay attitude. Do not worry. I will share my news about the little Indian named Sajid Shalkh – The Big, Impressive Threat Machine on the other side of the World. http://www.normalbobsmith.com/hatemail350.html Our time is over now. Bob |
They’re here! They’re here! On May the 4th, no less! The second edition of Star Wars Jesus Dressup has arrived and I am not going to post an image of the item in the store for reasons I shouldn’t have to explain outright. But I think I can 
