Category Archives: News

Jesus Dressup is beating out Wikipedia!

Type in “Jesus” into Google and guess who’s not only 2, but also beating out Wikipedia! Yes, I really am this easy to please! Does that mean people care more about my dressup than the actual definition of Jesus? I realize that there’s no controllable logic or understandable sense to the decisions Google.com makes on a daily basis, but this one makes my day.

That all said, lemme also trumpet the visit to Kentucky I’m making in a couple weeks! Boy am I excited to go there, and they’re excited as hell to be hosting me that weekend! I’ve never been to KY so I have very little idea of what to expect when I get there. I do know that I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get a tattoo at Electric Devil Tat (the place that’s hosting me), and I have to admit I’m only partially decided on what I’m getting, and where. I’ll let you all know afterwards.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know I’m here still, I just haven’t felt like blogging anything until now. Google Jesus. I love when this happens.

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The 3rd Elevator Level & Friendship.

Today I did it! Just now, I got past the 3rd elevator level on Donkey Kong!!! This is the greatest fucking day of my entire life!!!!! And whereas before my high score was only 95,000 something, today, JUST NOW, I got 125,000!!!!!! I am the all-time highest scoring champion of the universe on Donkey Kong who got to the FOURTH elevator level!!!!!! All you gotta do is just time it out! You gotta wait and be patient with those springy things and count them out, wait for the ones that are too close to pass, then the second the following one is going over your head you just hafta RUN YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF, climb up the ladder and WAMMO! You got it!!! And not only that but I got to that level with all 4 of my lives and I didn’t even have to waste one on it! I got through the 3rd elevator level on the first try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. I’m only now just starting to come down off the high. Calm down. Okay. I’m better now.

What I actually wanted to talk about in this blog was to explain how I do actually put thought into whose Myspace friendships I approve and which ones I delete, and which ones I hold onto for deciding. First of all, I delete any requests that look like advertisements. If it’s just a band requesting to be my friend, and I’ve never heard of them then they get deleted. If however, the request is accompanied by a message and it appears that they actually care about what’s goin’ on with me and the site then I will approve it. I presently have, like ten or so requests on hold because I cannot tell whether they know what I’m doing or are just looking to promote their business.

By the way, I approve ANY Christian who wants to be my friend. I had Myspace¬†Michael as a friend for a couple weeks, but he couldn’t take it anymore and fled. Myspace Hope, Myspace Sarah and Myspace Vincenzo all ended up blocking me so I didn’t even try to request their friendships. But if you’re a Christian, you automatically get approved.

Obviously I do not approve girls who are just promoting their quest to get into porn, BUT I have been having fun with those friend requests from Web Cam girls with impostor Myspace accounts. You know the ones, they have only one or two pics, generic profile info and links to web cams and porn sites. Here’s what I’ve been doing with those requests. I accept the friendship request, then I go through and write the most horrific comments under their pictures and comments. The last one I told that she was so hot that I was spraying diarrhea all over my room, and reflected on how one forgets the power behind diarrhea until you see it push over a television.

Then once I’ve riddled the site with comments I delete them as a friend and the comments stay! It’s great. Especially seeing your revolting depictions among other guys stupid drooling comments over a picture scanned out of a swimsuit catalog magazine.

So I’m not just approving anybody, and it matters to me that you care.

Oh yeah, and having sex with me gets automatic approval as well (For the guys, I’ll accept handjobs while you talk dirty in a girl voice).

I’M NUMBER 1!!!

Current mood: Superior

That’s right. I’m number one on a Google search for Jesus. And of course the greatest part of it all is being more popular than any Christian website, anywhere, for anyone wanting to know more about the word “Jesus.”

We win! Right?

Creating Final Justice Jesus

Current mood: crazy

Okay, I have a problem. I am obsessed with the new JDU. Seriously, I haven’t felt this since the first time I drew the goddamn thing 15 years ago. I am getting off on the hideous creations that come from combining the outfits. Like, right now I got JC in the stockings, clown shoes, Hitler jacket, Darth gloves, Charlie Manson wig, Hannibal mask, and Tinky Winky head over top of it all, and it’s fucking crazy shit. I mean fucking terrifying! Like I’ve never seen scarier shit than this comin’ at me in my darkest moments.

Then strap the fucking bomb to it and I’m lookin’ over my shoulder thinking the CIA is gonna spy this shit and follow me home. Then, just do this… take off the Hitler jacket. That’s it! Fucking crazy, right?

Oh my god. I’m going fucking mental here. I gotta solve this thing, whatever it is.

Okay, new costume. And this one is so basic. ready? The NAMBLA shirt, Hannibal mask, hitler hat, clown shoes & gloves. That’s it. Makes my heart fucking pound in terror. Try and tell me your heart wouldn’t jump right out of your chest if that Jesus was comin’ at ya in an alley. That fucking perverted creep, in those tighty whities. MOTHER FUCKER!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!! And strap a bomb to this shit and it’s a whole new fucking monster. NAMBLA man, with a fucking bomb strapped on. That’s fuckin’ killer sharks on crack mother fucker!

But you wanna know the real deal? Do you wanna see something real and something fucking scary? Gacy clown suit, black boots, clown gloves, and, ready? Fucking Osama head and bomb on the chest. If that doesn’t give you the heeby jeebies nothin’ will. Fucking nothin’.

So I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if this means I’ve made the best Jesus dress Up ever that’ll never be matched, or if I’ve just gone fucking crazy and my darkest nightmares are there, on the page, staring back at me from that cross. All I know is that I can’t get enough.