Category Archives: Blog

Scenester’s revenge

Current mood: Humiliated

Well, today it happened. Today the Scenesters exacted their revenge on me. No kidding. And I was caught off guard. It was an ugly display. Here’s what happened.

iPod street ads
iPod street ads trying to appeal to Scenesters in 2006. Nick Purdue claimed to be the model.

I was sitting at Union Square this evening, just hanging out as usual, and in front of me walks one of the Scenesters. He’s lookin’ at me all funny, and I’m lookin’ at him. Then, OUT OF NOWHERE, he whips out a camera and puts it in front of his face and takes a picture of me! I only had time to grin and flip him the bird, but then he walked by me and took another picture of me! Just out of nowhere! And I smiled and flipped the bird to that one too.

I’m terrified to even imagine what sort of web page they’re all scheming to put together with these coupla pics of me sitting at Union Square givin’ the finger. It’s the not-knowing that fucks with your mind. It’s the same method the Evil-doers use. ie: Terrorism. It’s no different. They’re toying with me. Making me sweat. Who knows, maybe they took a picture of me from behind as well? How can I be sure? I can’t! They could have a hundred pictures of me from behind sitting on the steps at Union, and I have no way to tell if I’m right or wrong.

I have to apologize to my fans! Now you are left with the dilemma: Do you continue to be my fans and suffer through this humiliation I’m sure they have planned for my pictures, or do you just throw away years of dedication and hide from my soon-to-be humiliated self, never to mention that you even were aware that I existed, ever! Jesus or Judas?

I mean, what if they take that picture, write the word “FAGGOT” on it, and make an arrow pointing to me, and post that on the internet?? Or what if they write a whole thing about what a douchebag I am and how I sit at Union and give the finger all the time and am bald, or something like that??? But I’ll tell you, that kid who took the picture strode away like he’d just gotten a picture of me with a booger on my face or some…. OH.. MY.. GOD! Is that it??!? Did I have a booger on my face?!? Jesus Christ! If that’s what he got a picture of I don’t know what I’ll do!! !

I’m sorry, people! I’m sorry! I didn’t know I was this vulnerable to persecution! I’ve never seen before so up close how I am in fact an Amazing Stranger myself!!! It’s over. The site is finished. I am soon to have a long overdue lesson dealt to me. Forgive me. Forgive… me… for.. being.. human…

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The 3rd Elevator Level & Friendship.

Today I did it! Just now, I got past the 3rd elevator level on Donkey Kong!!! This is the greatest fucking day of my entire life!!!!! And whereas before my high score was only 95,000 something, today, JUST NOW, I got 125,000!!!!!! I am the all-time highest scoring champion of the universe on Donkey Kong who got to the FOURTH elevator level!!!!!! All you gotta do is just time it out! You gotta wait and be patient with those springy things and count them out, wait for the ones that are too close to pass, then the second the following one is going over your head you just hafta RUN YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF, climb up the ladder and WAMMO! You got it!!! And not only that but I got to that level with all 4 of my lives and I didn’t even have to waste one on it! I got through the 3rd elevator level on the first try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. I’m only now just starting to come down off the high. Calm down. Okay. I’m better now.

What I actually wanted to talk about in this blog was to explain how I do actually put thought into whose Myspace friendships I approve and which ones I delete, and which ones I hold onto for deciding. First of all, I delete any requests that look like advertisements. If it’s just a band requesting to be my friend, and I’ve never heard of them then they get deleted. If however, the request is accompanied by a message and it appears that they actually care about what’s goin’ on with me and the site then I will approve it. I presently have, like ten or so requests on hold because I cannot tell whether they know what I’m doing or are just looking to promote their business.

By the way, I approve ANY Christian who wants to be my friend. I had Myspace Michael as a friend for a couple weeks, but he couldn’t take it anymore and fled. Myspace Hope, Myspace Sarah and Myspace Vincenzo all ended up blocking me so I didn’t even try to request their friendships. But if you’re a Christian, you automatically get approved.

Obviously I do not approve girls who are just promoting their quest to get into porn, BUT I have been having fun with those friend requests from Web Cam girls with impostor Myspace accounts. You know the ones, they have only one or two pics, generic profile info and links to web cams and porn sites. Here’s what I’ve been doing with those requests. I accept the friendship request, then I go through and write the most horrific comments under their pictures and comments. The last one I told that she was so hot that I was spraying diarrhea all over my room, and reflected on how one forgets the power behind diarrhea until you see it push over a television.

Then once I’ve riddled the site with comments I delete them as a friend and the comments stay! It’s great. Especially seeing your revolting depictions among other guys stupid drooling comments over a picture scanned out of a swimsuit catalog magazine.

So I’m not just approving anybody, and it matters to me that you care.

Oh yeah, and having sex with me gets automatic approval as well (For the guys, I’ll accept handjobs while you talk dirty in a girl voice).

Logic Lost

So I’m up visiting my family for the 4th and my dad almost walked into a spider web. It’d been constructed right on the sliding door that goes outside. He didn’t walk through it however. He brought the little kids, nieces and nephews to see the giant web in the doorway. It was really neat, actually. Then he cleared it from the door with his hand.

This morning I walked into a web on the same door. I came out brushing my face of the web and said “That spider didn’t learn its lesson!”

My dad laughed, and then he said something that started an interesting conversation. He said, “Did you look at that web yesterday? It’s a feat of engineering! How do you explain how a spider can do that?”

I’ve always hailed my father for being a pioneer of logic, excluding his dedication to the bible. Indirectly or not I know he was suggesting that the only answer to how a spider can construct a web so structurally impressive is because God made it that way. Of course I was more than ready to explain something to my dad that I had always assumed he believed in despite the bible. I said, “Dad, it’s a talent that’s been developed over hundreds and thousands of years. It probably started with many unsuccessful attempts at web constructing that left those spiders to starve to death, and not pass down their talents to their kids.”

My dad answered back, “You think the spider showed its babies how to make a web, or gave them instructions verbally somehow?”

“No.” I said. “It’s no different than how I walk like you do, or how we have so many of the same behaviors. You didn’t one day show me how you walk and I learned it from you that way. I inherited your traits and behave similarly to you because I’m your son.”

It really did shock me to hear him arguing against evolution. I almost feel like he’s regressed in what was once a purely logical train of thought. One that I’ve always attributed mine to. Then he said to me, “How come a spider in Russia makes the same kind of web there as one does here?”

I said, “Because the same web that works best for catching spider food there works best at catching spider food here as well. It went through the same evolution there because that’s what works best!” I went on to explain, “It probably began as a spider using the web substance to catch its prey, then realizing that it could do an even better job by using it different ways. And I’m sure many of them failed and created things with their web material that did not work, thus leaving them to starve and die. The failures die while the better web makers succeed!”

“They all die.” He retorted. And I said, “Yes, but the failures die without reproducing and making more failures.”

Later, as I thought about it more, I added, “And those spiders are still evolving. That one who keeps making its web in the doorway even after its been torn down isn’t going to do as well as the spider who loses its web and then changes its next location to somewhere different. That other spider is more likely to survive, reproduce, and pass down that single trait to its young. That’s evolution!”

I don’t necessarily enjoy “correcting” my dad, but I could tell by his silence that he was at the very least, impressed that I had answers. Both of my parents have told me that despite how much they hate what I’m doing, they’re impressed with my thinking. They are very pleased to see that I’m putting much thought into what I’m doing, that I’m a thinker.

Like 20 minutes later, after that conversation had passed and nothing more was said about it, I told my dad how fascinated I am with science and the science of evolution. I told him how I had seen this demonstration in a video on the internet by a scientist who explained his theory on how the eye evolved. How something as complicated as a human eye evolved over millions of years. I explained how the scientist showed a flat surface in his first model and how this was the very first eye. A heat sensitive surface that could detect light reflection off of an object but see little more than a blur (shadow and light).

Dad asked me why there’s no animal with this flat eye. I replied, with a partial guess, that I thought tapeworms had this sort of eye. I’ll have to look that up and see if I guessed right. But he bought it.

I went on to explain that the scientist’s next model showed how the slightest con-cave in the flat surface allowed for light to strike its surface in different areas creating a more three dimensional view of an object. And the more that the surface con-caved, like a spoon, the better it reflected the light and shadows of an object in front of it. So whichever animals had the more concave eye saw better and continued the trend of con-caving the eye.

Then I went on to explain how the next model showed how as this eye evolved it went from a spoon-like shape to something more spherical, with a round hole in it. This allowed for the eye to get a clear focal point. The scientist showed at each step what each particular eye could see, this one being a blurry shape, but one that could be seen as a 3D blurry shape.

I explained, how evolution continued in some closing up the hole, rendering it blind, unable to survive or reproduce. BUT then in other eyes, shown in the next model, the hole formed a pocket of water, one which bulbed, making this eye able to actually focus on an object. The model was a hollow sphere with a circular hole in the front and a clear pocket which the scientist injected water. And the more he did this the more in focus the object in front of it got. It was truly amazing to see it build and work right before your very eyes. My dad listened to me explain it without saying anything. Just sort of looking like he agreed but couldn’t say it out loud. I was just hoping that he could see that I cared and had answers. I was also hoping to appeal to his logic.

It was a unique moment in time for me, telling my dad how things are. It was also a prime example of logic lost. That’s how I see it. Lost logic. Because our minds (his mind) understand the logic when it’s heard. The logic is there, it’s just lost. Helping my father find that logic was both rewarding and unsettling. Seeing that lost logic in someone I hold so high for his logic is the real wake-up.

Christian Sniping at Union Square

So yesterday evening I had another run-in with Christians. This particular group comes with the same Canadian youth pastor every year. (The same guy I met Canadian Jason through from Hate Mail 127, and those Amazing Stranger Xtains from pg 2). He knows me now, and each year he has a new group of Christian kids from some bible-belt state. He came with the group yesterday and they all started singing to his guitar there in the middle of Union Square. I immediately went and tried handing them all God Is Fakes. Some took them, but most refused, stunned at what I was doing. And the pastor guy said “Normal Bob Smith! Good to see ya!” And they continued singing their songs even more confused.

He’s a nice guy, very friendly, kinda looks like a character from Lord Of The Rings. Picture of him: normalbobsmith.com/amazingstrangers/as_02_bob&christians.jpg

This year though, when he came over and said hi, I was of course friendly as ever, but I found myself a little more bothered by what he was doing. I told him “Nothins changed with me, except that maybe now I am more disturbed buy what you’re doing, and the misinformation you’re feeding these kids.”

I also said, “So how do you feel about the bad rap Faith is getting now that you got people using it as an excuse to crash planes into buildings?” He replied, “Well, there are proper uses of faith, and improper uses of it.”

Anyhow, he always brings over several of these kids to meet a real live atheist. That’s me. So I sat with Skater Bob and a few friends and waited. He asked if I’d mind, and of course I did not, so he brought over a group of like 5 kids, all girls, ages 16 to 18. All clueless sheep.

This time, unlike the other times, the Canadian youth pastor simply walked the kids over to me, introduced me, and walked away. I had them all to myself, and they were speechless. They had no idea what to say, so I started it off with a question to them that I was very curious to hear their answer to. I asked them if they had had any other options of beliefs in their lives, or if the only belief they’d ever been introduced to was Christianity. Of course they were all speechless, and after asking the question twice got them to admit that they all only’ve had Christianity as an option. That led me right into telling them to look around, seeing hundreds of different cultures and beliefs around them (on a NYC street), and picturing a paradise for themselves while all of these people burned in hell. I must have come back to that scenario 4 times during our hour visit. And they tried to get out of it with things like “That’s why we’re out here preaching” and “Everyone has the choice, and if they choose to reject God, yadda yadda yadda.” And I would not let it go. Each time I’d come back and say “But you know that these people, people just like me who don’t believe in your god, are going to burn when they die. And you’ll have to deal with knowing that while you sit atop your throne made of cloud up in Heaven!”

It was a very satisfying discussion, mostly because they were inquisitive, at a loss for answers, and blindsided. They wanted to know why I thought it was bad to be a Christian even if it’s pretend, and I told them it was because they were being discouraged to understand the world.

“Do you understand the entire world?” One of them asked.

“Not entirely. But that does not make me stop trying to understand it. You are being told that the different languages started at the Tower Of Babal, when that’s not how languages began. You’re being taught that Adam & Eve was where it all began, when in fact, there are very real answers that science has discovered!”

At one point I brought up the story of Abraham willing to plunge a dagger into the chest of his child for God. The kids said, “But he didn’t! God stopped him!” And I replied, “But he was going to do it! He was going to kill his child for God! What the hell kind of religion are you guys a part of?!? Ask yourself what the hell am I doing supporting this behavior!!!”

Anyhow, I decided that some people come to Union and their thing is hacky-sacking, or skateboarding, or peeping girl’s ass-cracks. Mine is badgering Christians. It’s the most satisfying feeling, and I’ve been enjoying the one on one (or four, or eight, or twenty) more than ever before. I look forward to one day doing this same thing in devil makeup with a camera crew.