Category Archives: Blog

Banishing Christians from Union Square

Yesterday evening at Union Square I lost it. I was there by myself watchin’ Skater Bob’s bag while he skated around the park, and these blond Christian people came from behind me and started in on this black man sitting next to me. They asked him the last time he’d been to church and if he’d ever heard of Bla-bla Church of Times Square, or something.

It was two of those typical white, suburban, southern, middle age mothers and they had like 3 or 4 kids with them, ages 14 to 17, something like that, and they were all standing over this older black man next to me, treating him like a poor soul. I sat there listening to them getting all worked up, watching these adults demonstrate to these kids how to spread their misinformation to the weak. I saw a couple of the kids looking at me out of the corner of their eye. I know they noticed my tattoos, and that I could overhear them. This went on for like 10 miniutes. Then Bob skated up, and I was trying to control myself, and I handed him a handful of God is Fakes, and he immediately started giving them to the ladies, and then he skated off. Without even looking at what he gave them they looked at me and said “How are you? Are you interested in hearing about the love of Christ?” or something along those lines, and I let go.

I said to them, “I think it’s appalling what you’re doing, spreading this misinformation to others based solely on faith!” And there was one mid-twenties guy with them, total Christian zombie saying, “You haven’t heard our true message of love.” His eyes were deer-in-the-headlights, and he wanted these kids to all turn into him. I was getting more and more furious.

Then I said, “Ok, answer me one question. I only have one question I want to ask you. I’ll answer ANY questions you’ve got.” Their kids were all gathering around me at this point. “Just answer me this” I said. “You’re all going to heaven, right?” They nodded, sure as ever. “Okay, now my question to you is this. How can you for even a moment enjoy a heaven where your fellow human beings are doused in fire every day for the rest of eternity?”

This twenty-something guy was a broken person. He was reciting rhetoric like, “I am based in love, and Jesus’ love gives everyone a chance to see heaven.” And to him, in front of those kids, I said “I have no idea what you’re saying. Why aren’t you answering my question?” And I took this opportunity to rub it in even deeper. “Kids. There can be no heaven while your fellow human beings suffer in hell for the rest of eternity! Do you understand the horror and dismay of hell? Your friends who don’t believe in Jesus will be choking on flames forever, and you think there’s any kind of heaven waiting for you?!? How could you even smile for a minute knowing that people suffer like this??!?” I have to admit I was getting a bit out of control, waving my arms around, my voice raised. The mothers were quickly trying to herd them all away.

None of the adults had any answers for me. And as adults, they were acting as if they were fine with that! That’s what gets me. The frame of mind where you’re an adult running away from a question! I LOVE answering questions! It’s my life’s blood! Then the ladies had the nerve, while they were running from me, to say “Bye now. Have a nice day.” And I lost it.

I shouted at their group as they left “You’re appalling! Kids! Watch your parents run away from a question! I’m asking a simple question and your parents are running away! They say they love people and they run away from their questions! You should be embarrassed and disgusted by them! You people disgust me! I just asked a question and you won’t answer it! You get no ‘Good-bye’ from me!!!”

They gathered in a group with many others about 40 feet behind me. I started talking to the black old guy next to me about how disgusted I was. He was a really great guy, as most old black guys are. He started tellin’ me what they were saying and how they should have answered my question. He also told me that I probably scared them, and that’s why they ran. I look over my shoulder, and they were talking still, the kids all looking at me through the group. They left the park shortly after. I forget how scary an arguing man is when you come from the suburbs. But I was sitting the whole time!

I ended up talking to this guy for an hour or so. The rest of the evening my heart was at a steady pace, and I couldn’t stop reflecting on how horrible it was, and what bad examples these adults were, and how stupid they are. Then I realized, I need a show.

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I am a lame duck.

Current mood: Pain

Today, when I was leaving my building, I was goin’ down the steps and there was this pigeon flying around in the stairwell. It was flying all over trying to get out hitting the windows and everything, making a big scene. Well, wouldn’t you know it, it distracts me, I look up at it, and my foot misses the next step down and I fall like 3 steps to the ground, like a cowardly lame gimp. I even let out a wimpish “Ugh!” and fell with my arms out over my head onto the ground, skinning my knee and I think twisting my ankle.

It hurt really bad but I was still able to get up and limp to the subway. I came into town, plopped my ass down at Union, and it ached. An hour later I got up and it hurt at first, then it felt almost totally better, until I made a right turn walking. That’s when the pain hit, and it’s been only getting worse since. I’m really having trouble walking and I don’t even know how I’m gonna make it back to the train and walk up the 4 flights of steps in my building without an elevator. If it hurts this bad tomorrow, I may not leave my place, which is good for al;l of you because that means I’ll post a whole buncha updates I’ve got. Like some funny new Amazing Strangers, and more hate mail.

Stupid fucking pigeon, making me look like an idiot! At least there wasn’t anybody around to witness it. But it’s funny, even though I was totally alone there, I still blushed and was embarrassed in front of that pigeon. What’s up with that?

Donkey Kong/The 3rd Elevator level

Current mood: frustrated

Okay, now this may not sound important to you, ’cause it ain’t no savin’ a kid from being child-molested or anything, but they just put in a Donkey Kong arcade game in my coffee shop the other day, and like a day hasn’t gone by since my 15th b-day, I’m addicted to the goddamn thing again. And wouldn’t you know it, I still rock at it too! I can get to the third level of elevators with 85,000 points! But I have a problem. I can’t for the 3 lives of me figure out how to get by those springy, pogo things on the 3rd elevator level!

On the first one they’re slow and you can let them jump over you, run by the ladder, let them jump over you while you’re closer to the base of the ladder, then run with one while it’s over your head to the ladder, climb up while the next one just skims your ass, and save the girl. And on the 2nd level of elevators you do the same thing, but you gotta cut it even closer where you actually touch the pogo things (because they’re way faster) but they’re not quite close enough to kill you, scurry up the ladder just barely getting tagged by the things! BUT on the 3rd level of elevators THEY’RE JUST TOO DANG FAST!!!!! There’s no way through ’em! I’ve even gotten to that level with 3 lives before and I can’t figure it out! It’s fucking madness! The creators are fucking with us! Don’t they HAVE to make it win-able?

And I’ve searched on Google for the answers but it’s just too old a game now. No one givers a flying fuck about Donkey Kong and the elevator level any more! So does anyone out there know anything about this? Is there some other way up that ladder? Can you jump the pogos? Is there some way to stop them or something? What’s the secret! I’m dyin’ out here! I gotta get 90,000 points! I gotta FEEL what that’s like!

Encounter with a Child Molester

Current mood: Shitty

I’m back at number one on Google, but Christ, Union Square has been giving me the creeps. Yesterday I was there hangin’ out with Bob, and this girl who’s a junkie, Dawn, came up and sat with us for a bit. Then this 12 yr old black kid on a skateboard came up and said “Hey” to Bob. Then Bob helped him tighten the wheels on his board and before long the kid was hangin’ out. That was fine. But then I got up to take a group picture of us all and when I went to sit back down this weird guy scooted in and sat right next to the 12 yr old.

Child Molester & Kid w/mohawk
Pedo who tried to lure boy with cigarettes at Union Square

I said “Hey, you totally sat in my seat!” kinda suspecting there was something weird about his move, but not exactly sure what. So I’m sitting in between the both of them and the kid asks somebody for a cigarette (yeah, that’s Union. 12 yr olds who smoke) and the guy who sat in my seat leans back and I hear him behind me say to the kid “I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.” No joke.

“I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.”

Of course that guy keeps trying to talk to him, and the kid doesn’t know any better. Just thinks he’s a friendly guy. And the kid makes a joke to the guy pointing at the Junkie girl and sayin’, “Hey you should date this girl!” to him.

Then the guy says, “I should date you.” All of this behind my back thinking I don’t hear him, but I clearly do.

So for me the whole scene changes. I text message Bob “The guy’s a child molester.” When Bob gets the message he says to the kid, “Stay next to me. Don’t talk to that guy.” I take some more pictures of us all, including the NAMBLA guy, and then the guy gets up and goes to the back of the park. While I wasn’t paying attention he had said to the kid “Meet me in the back. I’ll give you all the cigarettes you want.” (The kid told us he said that just before he left)

Kid, Shaggy & Dawn
Kid, Shaggy & Dawn pose while child molester looks on in background

We don’t let the kid go to the back (he was going to go though), and tell him what the deal is. The kid had no clue at all of course. Then we watch the guy stare at the kid from the park. He sat under a tree and peered at the 12 yr old, not taking his eyes off the kid for a second.

So Bob and I had to leave Union, so I had seen this kid hangin’ with an older black guy earlier. So I went and told this guy what had happened. I said “Hey, you know that little kid with the mohawk. well see that guy over there? He asked him on a date, and said if he ever wanted a cigarette just to come to him. And me and my friend were lookin out for him, but now we’re leavin’ so I thought I should tell you.”

So he walked over and watched the guy from afar for a bit, and during that time the kid skateboarded down the sidewalk, and the molester guy followed him. The guy let him follow the kid for awhile, then he approached him, said something to the extent of “If you touch that kid I’ll fucking kill you, you fucking child molester!” The molester then fled the park.

Anyhow, this whole event really left a dirty fucking feeling in me for Union Square. These last couple days since it’s really looked like an fuckin’ mess of dirtbags, and not the good kind. It’s the kind of feeling where you want more love in your life, and less cold ugliness.