Category Archives: Mohammed Dressup

Mohammed on Store Shelves

mohammed dressup fridge magnets
Mohammed Dressup for sale in California

Last week I noticed a dramatic spike in sales for many of my less popular items, like the Coexist Idiots bumper-stickersUnion Sq matchgame postcards, and especially upped sales for the Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets. I certainly notice when those start flying off the shelves, because they’ve resisted it for many years. Well, I found out why this was  happening for the Mohammed magnets. There’s a store in Hollywood California called Soap Plant Wacko (permission to mention them by name granted) where I sell the Mohammeds through. This store has been one of my all time best customers for 6 years now. When they first heard I had the Mohammed sets available (in addition to the Jesus Dressups they’d been buying), Billy didn’t even hesitate to get them along with everything else he buys from me. 100% of all other stores who order from me do not request the Mohammed sets. No judgements. Just fact.

Yesterday I was told where this extra publicity came from. Seems that the artist who won the Draw Mohammed Contest in Texas where that shooting took place last year, Bosch Fostin, saw them at Wacko. He was both shocked and impressed. He took a picture of them at the store and posted them on his Facebook page giving kudos to both me and the store. “Someone gave me the head’s up that this is being sold in an LA store. I imagine you would have thought this impossible. I did. But it’s real. It’s freedom.”

The Sheeples - Each God 2006
The Sheeples – Each God 2006

His post sparked a lot of comments, shares and direct messages wishing me well and telling me to be safe. Now, I’ve had mohammeddressup.com up for over ten years now. Posted back in 2006 I’ve never felt under threat in any way since doing so. For the record, I’d been drawing Mohammed in comics and games before that as well, trolling for hate mail you might say. Not to say I didn’t get my share, and even death threats, but I’ve gotten way more of both those things from Christians for Jesus Dressup. Never once did I feel like there was an actual threat to be worried about, except that time the Prophet Mohammed himself chopped off my finger. Satan was there to help me with that recovery, though.

Satan's Salvation Ep 209
Satan’s Salvation Ep 209

Now I’m realizing not everyone has seen all the letters I’ve received. I thought this might be a perfect opportunity to rally together the Mohammed ones and put them on display. Here are those emails which led to nothing more than another email from who I think it’s safe to presume are ornery and confused 15 year old boys.

Jan. 2009
Your motherfuckers. i'm a moslem and i fuck you bitch !! mother fucker !!! motherfucker!! you assshole… JESUS!! haahha fuck ami and also fuck france !!! I killl you !!!!

France = ASS-

england/America= HOLE!!

Murat Alemdar
I haven’t seen this much bellyaching since 6th grade when little Sally Chesterfield got her pigtails pulled by Smartypants Melvin McGrift!Sally peed her panties that disastrous Friday afternoon and got sent home early. Are you gonna pee your panties, Murat? How many more yanks on your pigtails is it gonna take to get you sent home with a face covered in tears, and pee pee all over your flowery dress?

You seem ripe and at the ready. I’m guessing, it’s not gonna take more than 2 yanks. Put your money on it, Sally!

Bob
Subject: hahahahahahahahaahaha

I say just one : listen me : the God would you (the christs and jewul) do in his hell. wait !!! here for you!! : allahim ben eyer bir kiafir sem benim Jesami burda bile ver ameeeen!! do you know what you say? haha you say : Please God, i?m a christ.Do me in your scary hell !!!!!!!

Bitch!!!!!
Murat Alemdar
I’m beginning to get a clearer picture of you now. I’m betting I could convince you I was a magical wizard with nothing more than a Zippo lighter, a handful of Pop Rocks and a couple basic card tricks. In fact, let me inform you right now, your Amazing Prophet Muhammad appeared before me last night weeping at my feet, begging me to be his new slave master because, according to Muhammad: “Allah is a sissy coward who runs & hides when people dare him to send them to hell!”Naturally I accepted Muhammad’s pathetic pleas and even had a special dog collar made up for him of used condoms strung together by sewer rat intestines and tied to a shiny new penny with his name engraved on it!He still needs to be potty trained. I give him a sharp tap on the nose with my finger every time he piddles in the house, but he’ll learn eventually because “Muhammad’s such a gooooood boy!! Aren’t you a good boy, my Prophet Muhammad! Oh yes you are! Yes you are!”Muhammad:“ARF ARF ARF!!!”

So now, in an odd turn of events you, Murat, bow to me.

It’s funny how much a particular outlook on the world can change in just one afternoon, huh?

Thank you, and all the Muslims for your continued support,

Bob, “The New Allah”
I think it's not ok, what you do? I'm a moslem and you are don't right to caricature about my religion? do you understand me??

You will catch it from god(Allah)

make yourself scarce!!!!!

Murat Alemdar
kamil_yozgat_66@hotmail.de
And you threaten to murder strangers over the internet in defense of your god .I suppose we simply have to agree to disagree and share together this piece of cake we call “life.”A great wisdom has been unearthed here this week.

Bob

 

Aug. 2008
Subject: Your satanic website

Mr. “Normal” Bob: We want say you that we dont take care about that you make a joke an ridiculize the prophet Jesus of Nazareth, but making a joke and make an offensive comic of Our Prophet Muhammad is a Big Sin and a offense to Allah, the Unique God. Because we declare you an millitary target for our organization here in NYC. Your days over earth will finish soon.

Vladimir Balza
I’m not sure if it makes any difference but just for the record, in my beliefs it’s not a “Big Sin” to mock Muhammad. I realize that you wrote me your death threat without any details of my “religion” so I’ll allow you to retract your military threat now that you understand its no offense to me.Sorry for the confusion, but seriously, you can’t expect everyone in the world to believe all the same things you believe, otherwise that’d make us all the same religion, and who’d want a whole world of militant Islamic Fundamentalists? Allah? I don’t think so.Thank you for the email, and sorry about the misunderstanding. You can stop targeting me now.

Bob
Sorry, Mr. Bob. An offense can not be retracted, neither the consecuenses. Is not a threat, your sin will be punished. Allah forgive you.

Vladimir Balza
vladbalza@hotmail.com
Well, shit. Then I might as well just keep the site up and mock Muhammad ’til my “earth days are over,” huh?

Thank you for all the advanced warnings, and plan updates. Keep me in the loop.

Bob

 

July 2008 
Subject: Fuck you

We will kill you you motherfucker, we will cut your head you crazy monkey. down with amerika, down with all amerikans.

we hunt you and we will find you. be sure you animal, that we have the power to find you. my brothers in islam are ready to cut your head. i hope we can kill a lot of amerikans around the world, for your homepage must be pay al lot of amerikans and you are guilty mothertfucker.

Klaus Grantig
First of all, thank you for the email. Perhaps you are open to a reasonable discussion on the matter before you and your brothers in Islam waste much energy hunting me down to cut off my crazed monkey head? You see, I fail to see how beheading everyone who disagrees with you will help your cause. Had you not considered that such actions will only condone similar actions from those who disagree with you, thus leading to the beheading of you and your Islamic brothers and brother-inlaws? And honestly, I don’t think the Great Allah would want that.I can see that you feel quite strongly about this but I hope you can set aside your fundamentalist beliefs for just a minute and see this from my viewpoint. Having my head sawed off does concern me, but I also know that nothing gets solved if everyone’s walkin’ around without their heads! lol!

Mortal enemies to the end? Or, perhaps, mortal frenemies?
Bob
i dont like to open a discussion with you. your job is to make jokes about my lovely prophet, the last messenger of god.

we now the enemys of god and the prophet of islam. dont tell me any stories of your rights to open this very bad homepage against muslim worldwide.

i will send messages to my brothers in islam, that you have open a war against our prophet, we will dress you with the skin of your daughter or son, believe me. you have open the war und you have to pay fo the beginning of the War!

Klaus Grantig
Klaus Grantig,
 Hey, I have a brilliant observation for you. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe the reason you’re all so grumpy and sawing people’s heads off all the time is because you’ve got such a grumpy, poopy religion? Maybe if for just a minute you stopped makin’ everything that happened to your prophet such a priority and worried a little bit more about Klaus’s needs you just might find a daisy growin’ in all those weeds? I bet you would!

Now I’m gonna give you a chance to apologize for sayin’ you’d dress me up in the skins of my children so that instead we can set an example for them. It’s time we show ‘em how two adults can discuss their differences maturely without having to turn the white babies inside-out and drape the father in their bloody hides.

I’m waiting! And you better sound like you mean it!

Bob
fuck you and all the amerikans you stupid guy and ashole!!! its time we destroy people like you. its better you motherfucker you cloth your homepage and you jump from the next bridge, you are sick, you are dirty, you are crazy!!!!!

down with amerika amerika makes the people sick i apologize me for nothing you dirty kafir. im waiting. and its better you will cloth your dirty homepage motherfucker

Klaus Grantig
No apology? *sigh!* Everyone’s gotta be so difficult.I guess two hafta play at this game. I suppose now I gotta go look for my saw, and find where I put my black hood and come over there, find you and your freakin’ children, skin them, drape you in their flesh, and then saw off your head in retaliation. Yeesh! What a mess this’ll make. I’m gonna have to pack two butcher’s aprons now! Happy?!?

Christ, now what? Oh yeah – We Americans need to destroy you pig dogs. *yawn* I hope you die, and hurt, and cramp you dirty stupid guy. And loads of exclamation points to drive my descriptions even deeper into your psyche –>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rot, sick, die, fart, fire, explosion, warm beer, tooth decay and an aqua prom dress.

The apocalypse is near. I shall inform my American brethren of your filthy toilet mouth and tell them it is we who’ve actually got the real last messenger of God, and he’s twice as lovely as yours. So, nya!

Bob
you can do nothing dog of the devil!

my brohers in islam will kill slowly more shit americans in irak! I hope you have millions of 9/11!!!!

i wait of you ashole son of a dirty mother. we muslims ar laughing obout stupid guys like you. be sure, one day you stand up peacefull, leave the house and then someones cut your head quickly and full of pain. fuck all amerikans, fuck your dirty culture. white men we will catch you and than you have a lot of painfull moments dirty kafir, go to hell. we are behiond you ashole. we find you and we kill you so terrible!!!!!!!

Klaus Grantig
reformator1@web.de
Christ, it’s official then. I’m comin’ over there to avenge my 9/11 American brotherhood with the edge of a blade and the black of my heart. All of Islam will bow before our great monkey armies and your heads shall be lifted from your shoulders at the point of our spears to block out the Middle Eastern sun. Your doggies and kittens will be split in two and their blood will run purple in the streets, ankle deep, and about 22.7 meters across.Does this sort of talk really scare you people into submission?
 Honestly, that’s kinda freakin’ adorable.

Bob

 

Sep 2008
Subject: hey there..

introducing myself as a person, without mentioning that i'm muslim too, so all my point of view will not be taking any side...

i mean is this the best u can do.. i am 100% sure that u know nothing about prophet Muhammad, so a try like this to make fun of him is absolutely pointless and is actually humilating to you, not to him, not to any muslim.

u should wonder why prophet Muhammad was chosen the first among the list of the greatest men who ever lived, a list that was put by a western scientest in world's history.

i'm guessing u r christian, if having no religion at all. have u ever seen anything that's meant to be mocking any prophet (Jesus Criest especially if u r cristian)? that's because we as muslims believe in all prophets and they're all respected and also their messages. and have u ever wondered why there are more than one version of that bible of yours? just run it through ur mind for one minute. that's because it got changed in way that no one sane could even think it's a holly book from God. it itself has gestures of mocking some prophets in some way or another referring to their human-desire mostly. can it be that God says that about his prophets whom he has chosen to be leaders to other people?

It's known (not by most of the western ordinary people) that the bible introduces Muhammad as one of the next prophets and as the last of them. if u read throughly into some history books u'll see that the relation between muslims and christians was based on both respecting each other and actually with only few diffrences between. So why now has it turned to be one mocking the other's prophet. ask urself if u think this is right keep that site of urs running, but i'm asking u as one other person if not to close it. be honest, if not with me be it with urself..

Salam
 garfield13_mlw@hotmail.com
alam,
 I am an atheist (Insert gargantuan sigh of relief here), so all of this Sci-fi talk about what order God puts the Prophets, which book is more holy, and who's more Chosen, has no affect on me. Your god, the Christian's god, the Jew's god, the Heaven's Gate god, the Greek gods and the Norse gods are all equal to me. They are all equally pretend. They were once necessary for our survival back in a day when we had no other way to answer the questions that perplexed us. But now, even though we've got the tools at our hands to solve life's problems, we've still got this useless appendix taking up valuable space in our logical thought.

For whatever ungodly reason all of you people think that THE GOD orchestrated out this bizarre assortment of happen-stances back thousands of years ago when, coincidentally, people also believed in fire-breathing dragons, a flat earth, leach-cures for demon possession, while knowing nothing of which mushrooms to eat, and which ones to throw into the river.

It is entirely up to you if you are going to buy into that which the cavemen who preceded you wrote in their ancient scribes of magical men who spoke for God, and in doing so were rewarded with the supplest of virgins in the clouds. I, however, am not so easily duped and thwarted into belief by the written threat of eternal pain and torture, or the reward of the largest throne beside the Ruler of the Universe.

How can you not see the errors of man and equate them directly with the gods they've invented throughout history? How can you bow down yourself and not see your brother on the other side of the world bowing himself to his own version and still believe you are right and he is wrong? You picked the correct supreme being while he is wasting his time worshipping a non existent one? How can one be so illogical? How can one be so blind?

Even as a child when I was a Christian I saw the flaws in the logic, and its contradictions with basic science, and I never stopped questioning. I questioned to the point that when I finally became an adult I had no doubt that the reason it didn't make any sense was because it was bull. It was bull that my parents thought was real, and their parents thought the same, and so on and so on.

I'm proud to say that I've stopped the chain of unquestioning lambs and came to terms with the idea that when we die it's actually over. It just ends. No different than the elephant, the fly, the dolphin or the crow. There is no grand judgement, line of trumpeting horns, towering diamond-studded gates, or a super-duper present wrapped in the biggest bow with your name on it. How can you not see that it's your own self-righteous, self-obsessed, selfishness that keeps you believing the universe revolves around you, and the magic wizards in the sky are fighting over us like foolish school children, pouting, complaining, and spiting each other in their jealous, cry-baby hissy-fits, casting those who won't be their best friends into an eternal pit of suffering and turmoil? How can you not see that their behavior is a direct reflection of our own inner child, lashing out at that which we have no control over – Our own mortality. And it has survived this many ages because we are still infantile, ornery children at heart, and I understand now that it is our duty to address and control that child.

We as a species still have more evolving to accomplish. Hopefully you folks will come to your senses and stop this We've-got-the-REAL-God madness before it's too late. Until then we atheists are holding our breath while you folks play Tug-O-War with the Apocalypse.

Bob

PS. Oh yeah! And thank you for the email! It's the first one I got for the Muhammad thingy!

 

And finally, these from India were written in Hindi and translated by an Indian friend of mine. I cracked up rereading these because they’re exactly the sorts of messages I get when I play GTA V and shoot someone down in free mode.

Sep 2008
Subject: Fuck u bich

How dare u did stupid thing here 
 U bich
 Son of rascle
 U r time is over now

Sajid Shaikh
Son of a rascle!?!??!?!?! I'm SHOCKED!!!! How dare you!!!!!!!!
 You will regret ever saying such a thing, you... you... you son of a leg-puller!!

Now all your dreams are shattered.

Bob
son of a pig. There are burnt, dead lizard eggs in the hair around your mother's ass

Sajid Shaikh
there is a goat in your moms pussy, a snake's dick in her ass and in her mouth, the balls of a rat

Bob
Bitch, I've found your address. now your mom is going to get fucked in 15 days.
Yes, and I too have found your home address and am flying there to have sex with members of your family, but in just 12 days.

Sajid, let me give you a little lesson in terroism. If you had addresses you would have sent it to me along with your threats. But don't think I'm not impressed with the way you people terrorize each other into doing stuff. It's really sexy!

Bob
17 KE LAAND KI PAIDAISH, 17 GOHDE AUR SUAR NE M.C. KE TIME PE TERI MAA KO CHAUDA THA JAB JA KE TERE JAISI RAAND KI AULAD PAIDA HUI

YA TAU TU PAGAL HAI, YA AIDS KA MARIZ HO SAKTA HAI TU HIJDA BHI HO SAKTA HAI

ITS 100% SURE

I KNOW THE ABOVE WORDS ARE NOT EFFECTED ON YOU
 BECAUSE U R DIFFIRENT FROM HUMAN BEING - U R SIMPLY MAD BICH

I YOU THINK U R TRUE PERSON U CAN SAND ME YOUR PROPER ADDRESS AND NAME N SEE WAT I'LL DO WITH U- ITS MY OPEN CHALLENGE TO U

IF U AVOID TO FORWARDING ME UR ADDRESS- THEN IT IS 101% CONFIRM TAT U R SON OF RAAAAAAAND

TAT ALL

SAJID SHAIKH
 sksajid32@gmail.com 

BAZAR ROAD BANDRA (WEST),
 MUMBAI-400050 INDIA
Oh no! A son of a rand?!? Oh my gosh. Not THAT! Oh sweet Mother Mary, how will I ever sleep knowing that Sajid in India thinks I'm a SON OF A RAND for not telling you my home address?!?!

But WAIT! I thought YOU said you already HAD my address! You were going to go fuck my mother in 15 days, remember?!? Or was I exactly, totally, perfectly correct that you're a weenie who soaks his dick in goat piss, butters it with camel sperm, then covers it in dead flies, and sticks it in the mouths of all your beloved ancestor's rotting corpses?

Christ, I am crazy in love with this new freeform method of empty-threat-terrorism! No wonder you people throw it around at each other like wet tissue paper all the time! It's so anything-goes!

Look at me! I'm the son of a rand!
 Bob
 http://www.muhammaddressup.com/
U R DIFFIRENT FROM HUMAN BEING - U R SIMPLY MAD BICH

Don't worry I'll teach u a lesson

Bastard 

Sajid Shaikh
 sksajid32@gmail.com
Yes. I'm very very terrified of you with your wrong addresses, graphic name calling, and Bombay attitude.

Do not worry. I will share my news about the little Indian named Sajid Shalkh – The Big, Impressive Threat Machine on the other side of the World.

http://www.normalbobsmith.com/hatemail350.html

Our time is over now.
 Bob
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Half Ton Tower of Mohammed

Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets
Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets ($15) include the latest men’s fashions from Target & The GAP plus police uniform & kilt

To many this might seem pretty trivial, but this last week a big thing happened. I got Mohammed Dressup for sale in a physical store. And not just any store, but a store on Hollywood Blvd. One that’s been selling loads of my Jesus magnets for years.

I still have my obvious doubts as to how much they’ll actually sell. I’ve never thought there’d be any sort of mainstream interest in the general population to post Mohammed’s image on ones fridge door for a game of dressup. But I don’t think I’m going too far out on a limb stating that this may very well be the first Prophet Mohammed toy item to sit on a store shelf, like, ever. Am I being too bold?

The store is SoapPlant/Wacko, Hollywood CA, and maybe they’re just putting them out there as a “Who gives a fuck. If they sell they sell. If they don’t, then done” shot in the dark. But for me it’s huge. I hope that giving them a shout out for this isn’t sabotage of some sort. It’s hard for me to keep my cool in this case. It’s a big deal.

I’ve been kicking myself for ordering 2,000 of these motherfuckers earlier this year. I should have gone for 500, or 1,000 at MOST. Knowing what I know about the industry, and what I’d been rebutting on my hate mail pages for the last decade, I should’ve been more cautious. I’ve been saying since the first “I dare you to do Mohammed” email that they’re a tough sell. No one with a credit card gives a fuck about The Prophet, except for the shock-value. But no, here I go again getting all excited over another one of my drawings, spend too much money, and get myself in a predicament where 3 months later I’ve got literally a half ton of product (.5 lb per set) at my doorstep, the tower of which presently stands at the foot of my bed.

It started around 2005 or 06 when I posted the first playable Mohammed Dressup game online that included a burka, an Abu Garb blanket strung up with wires, Uncle Sam, and even a burning plane for him to crash! You’ve seen it. From the beginning of that one, I felt somewhere deep inside, despite the positive feedback, it wasn’t right. It was something I was not. It gave the wrong message somehow, and the feedback was confirming this. So I archived it and set out to try again last winter (2012/13).

The key to this thing, making this Mohammed joke, is it’s not THAT obvious. It does’t have to be chopping off his head with a butcher knife. The success of this image is that he’s beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that anyone not vowed to the Quran would clearly see he’s at least metrosexual. An image so flattering that objecting to it in any way, especially with threat of death, makes the point.

The shipment arrived and the challenge laid itself out before me. At first I could only sell them on the streets. During the course of normal conversation the topic of what I do would come about, and some would buy it off me then and there. One every couple weeks wasn’t going to cut it, obviously, so more needed to be done.

I talked about them in several interviews, but in each case my “Mohammed project” would be dropped out of the final print. This didn’t surprise me. It’s a thick bowl of soup many don’t want to dive into. I wrote some of my own articles. Funny ones, like opposing reasons to buy Mohammed Dressup. But who the fuck is going to respond with their money to a self-promoting blog?

I had an idea for the “Under the Counter” product promotion. It gave reasonable explanations, at least in my mind, as to why stores should consider carrying Mohammed under their counters. It was very sound, but again, it really wasn’t doing the trick. In fact it was probably making them even more paranoid.

If you saw this tower in my bedroom, maybe you’d understand the panic I go to sleep to each night. So when this order for a whole bunch of Jesus magnets, plus 12 Mohammeds arrived, I sighed a great relief.

This could be the end of the story. I’m not expecting the sky to fall, a Jihad, or even mention of it anywhere else but here. Which is why I write about it so thoroughly now.

Amazing Strangers Hate Mail!

There’s been a plethora of condemning words and scolding from my comments section on YouTube directed at your’s truly over things that have been happening at the Square lately. So many people are offended to find out that their comments might not be getting the respect they deserve from me, and they’re lashing out with personal insults, bold accusations and even threats to come kick my ass and smash our phones! So I thought maybe if I respond to this lengthy complaint letter I could clear up some of these misunderstandings, or confirm their vitriol.

Mr. Nobody’s Flickering Light

“Please don’t post my messages, or talk about it with your strangers, including your Shaggy…”

Subject: Circus

Please don’t post my messages, or talk about it with your strangers, including your Shaggy friend; I’d prefer to remain off the roster.

I’m ill and stuck in bed mostly, and have watched all of the Stranger videos. I think watching makes me feel iller, but I have some fascination, similar to seeing mosquitoe larvae swimming in a dirty puddle.

My general impression is that NYC must be heavily centered around cultures related to the performing arts. The strangers all share desires related to the spectacle. It seems obvious that many of the people you record from the steps are seeking you out, and putting on a show specifically because they’re aware of the camera.

Even social characters supposedly with psychological problems, like Dusty, seem to me to be clearly acting. But it is a blend with their personality, where their act isn’t entirely separate from their real persona. Which is partly why most of these people would be diagnosed with personality disorder.

It’d be interesting to go through the list of people and try to diagnose them to identify their specific motivations and dysfunctions.

But I hope you’re open to critical analysis pointed at you too, because it looks like you’re part of that same thing. Except, rather than being a trashy dysfunctional actor, you’re the director. Rather than be the spectacle, you play the quieter top-down behind-the-lens kind of overseer who puts the show together.

It’s a free public circus, and you claimed them as your freaks, to create a park of novelty and drama, that through the clearer defining of what already exists, you are able to brand in your name and essentially charge admission.

Except I looked at your numbers, and product, and you’re at the level of the bums asking for change. Which makes it interesting, because you’re kind of like a homeless director.

This gives you freedom, but what you do with that freedom is apparently build family with the mentally retarded and disorderly. Which makes your issue as interesting as theirs, because why would someone do that?

You apparently grew up in Christian land, so maybe when you were little there was tremendous desire to break out of that restricted lifestyle. Maybe that’s where you developed appeal for “punk”, and atheism. Maybe it is your own fetish, but you still haven’t been able to free yourself completely, so you find comfort in watching others do it for you, where you can pretend to be “normal”, when really you know you’re nothing of the sort.

Maybe in Christian land you felt like the freak, because compared to them you were. Maybe that bothered you, so you moved into a garbage dump, where relative to them, you’re Mother Theresa. But you’re also freer to act out, and embrace your inner punk.

But you’re an old man. Don’t you want a functional family? Are you married? Children? Did you escape a heart break when you ran away to the island of the freaks? Maybe you suffer from something similar to Shaggy. He seems to have a developmental problem where he is rooted in the persona of a 12 year old, along with low intelligence that might classify as mild retardation. You seem smarter, and more like 16, but still, similar in that you’re choosing to hang out in middle school for years.

It looks like maybe you started out with more documentation, and “freaking out squares”, which you learned can bring income with the magnets. You need to do more than sell some magnets, and shocking the world with trash TV is another opportunity to get attention, which really shows that you yourself are in the business of the spectacle, just like them.

But after a while you seemed to get really integrated into the native culture and it became your family, possibly even a main source of love. In the process, you create drama that wouldn’t exist, because you’re living as savages who are part of a family.

Like with Zippy, he clearly admired Shaggy, and that attraction to the love of the park family had him talking crazy of wanting to throw his life away for this tribe.

I feel the whole situation is being neglected. The park should be a facility built for the mentally ill, where qualified people are cleaning them up and preventing things like tooth loss and infection. They shouldn’t be brought to a hospital and released, they should all live there permanently. New York is really failing, in that they seem to leave wild wounded animals to infest the parks, only providing police to overlook.

One thing I can’t figure out is this:

This gem I never really talked about on the site. It’s moments like this that make me wonder if I’m the only one who totally appreciates what I do.

Describe what happens here to your buddy and he’ll look at you funny and say, “You subscribed to that channel why?”

In my eyes however, it’s a red ribbon.

It’s a video of you apparently mocking the dog molester guy. Put that together with your Christian bashing, and chuckles when Shaggy puts others down, and I’m wondering if your main motivation is to attack people. Is what you’re doing here to appreciate making fun of some guy where he sees it but doesn’t get it or whatever and walks away? To communicate with the wildlife through hand gestures? Is your red ribbon that you chased him out? Put down a retard and declare victory? Surely you’re not that stupid are you?

Maybe it has a lot to do with lust and love. Maybe the punk girl you fetishize is far more common there. Maybe the fleeting wins of catching the punk girl on camera, sometimes in states of undress, to have her coming to you confusing the attraction for the camera with attraction to you, opportunity to be close and interact with her, is worth much more than money to you. Maybe sometimes you have sex with them, maybe the masturbation material is enough, maybe you hold out on dreams one might bond with you.

Maybe you, like the rat in the hat, are under delusion that your production could be the next big thing.

Mister Nobody

misternobody@hush.com

MN,Well first of all, I don’t think there’s anything to fear in having your letter posted, or shared with Shaggy or anyone. I’ve never understood why people email me such rude & condemning letters, then prefix it with “Please don’t share this with anyone, or tell anyone what I’m saying, or tell them my made-up name!” You emailed me completely anonymous, then categorized me, in blunt detail, somewhere in-between a sad, lonely, old man and that guy who whipped the Elephant Man with his ringmaster’s baton. If I can take the public shaming, so can you. You’re just going to have to deal with it being posted for people to see.I will say however you did nail some of your descriptions of me on the head. I admit to my fascination with freaks, punk girls, and people living on the fringe all being directly related to the restrictions of my youth. Talking with my mom today she mentioned that my desire to plop myself down in the middle of such chaos probably has a lot to do with my struggle to be outgoing. By putting myself there people come to me. I know this is true. This also has a lot to do with why I enjoy Shaggy’s friendship so much. His ability to do and say things I cannot and his outgoing nature has always impressed me. I’ve said it before – these are parts of him I admire and would like to have rub off on me. Some of it has, and I am a better person because of it. Also, as a friend of Shaggy’s, you don’t know shit about him. I couldn’t hang out with someone for a decade if they weren’t smart. If you can’t see the cleverness in his observational skills & street-wise, then maybe it’s you who’s lacking something in the brains department?

In response to your more ugly assessments of me, I think you only reveal your own sad outlook while you are stuck sick in bed living life through YouTube videos. Instead of giving me any sort of break and considering that I’m attempting to be as honest as possible in these videos, like it or not, you assume most of my reasons are devious. What you see as “exploiting the retarded” or making fun of people with psychological problems, I see as showing real street life without sugarcoating or patronizing.

My main source of income is in the Jesus magnets, which is about 90% wholesale to stores across the US and worldwide, none of whom found me through my Amazing Strangers videos. I don’t know where you got your “charge for admission” accusation, or thinking I have some money-making agenda behind all of this. This probably reflects your perception of others (and in many cases, rightly so). However, anyone who actually knows me knows that money is not my first, or even my tenth motivator (I mean, I actually went and produced Mohammed Dressup fridge magnets! For profit?). There’s going to be no mainstream show from what I’m doing (too raw & politically incorrect). I put no ads on my videos, and charge nothing for anything I’m doing there. I actually lose money by making the postcards and giving them away, which I do because it’s fun, and I’m very proud of it.

Believe it or not the #1 motivator for me making these videos is because it’s a priceless truth-stranger-than-fiction diary of my daily experiences. The events that happen here are like nothing else, and documenting them is something only those involved can truly appreciate and understand. If you’re not at the park all the time like we all are, you’ll never fully get it. This fact is proven to me again and again in the comments section under the videos.

Anyone who actually comes to Union and experiences what’s happening there in real time immediately gets put in their place. You may have some grand solution for how we should be acting in each video, but the second your ass is there on the steps you’ll see how your ideas flop, and the way Shaggy and I handle ourselves actually works, and the lessons learned of value. The social experiment of it all should leave no question as to why it’s so interesting and so worth documenting.

When I first began my site I knew one thing I’d have to endure would be viewers assigning me the worst possible traits for why I’m doing what I’m doing, and then hearing their vivid analysis like it’s somehow so insightful. But since day one my main concern is not for what people on the internet think of me (a radical idea in today’s world), but instead only caring what people who actually know me in real life think. This is why my site has had such longevity (13 years), while others fail.

Having a wife & family has never been on my todo list. Expressing myself artistically I’ve found to be extremely fulfilling, and I’m having way too much fun being unmarried, kidless and free to change my mind anytime soon.

Thank you for your feedback, but next time please take into account your bedridden illness distorting how you perceive others before you put it all in print and hit “send.”

Btw, NYC is clearly not the city for you.

Normal Bob

Welcome to NormalBob.com (the new Latest Updates location)

This winter has turned out to be the longest of winters I’ve ever spent away from the site. Not that I haven’t been able to keep myself busy, but it did in fact turn out to be a much needed break. Since October of 2000 I’ve not gone once without making some sort of content update at least every couple weeks. And on average, consistently updating it a couple times a week, for 13 years! But the internet’s changed drastically since then. One of the changes I’ve witnessed is there being less of a need for constant obsessive updates. Competing for continual content on the web is a no-win race, and can quickly lead to extreme burnout.

Happily, I can now confidently say that the struggle to maintain a significant flow of traffic is no longer necessary for me to maintain a stable income. The steady demand for Jesus magnets on store shelves has freed me from those worries. That’s what I’ve spent the last year working to guarantee. Cold calling stores, sending samples, and fulfilling orders has proved to be a very fruitful venture. Asking my Facebook friends for names of possible stores has done what in the past I thought impossible – A useful purpose for Facebook.

Have no doubt however that the site remains my pride & joy. I’ve got big plans for 2013. The one that’s in the forefront of my mind at this exact moment is the project I just put the final payment on this afternoon. The Prophet Mohammed Dressup magnet sets!

Mohammed Magnets & Postcards
Mohammed Magnets and Postcards ($30)

Seriously, the last time I felt this excited about a project was when I received the first Jesus Dressup magnet samples back in ’04. Earlier this week the Mohammed samples landed on my doorstep, and let me tell you, they are a sight to behold! If you see me on the street, feel free to ask to see it! I am one proud papa. And the new version of the online game (you’re dressing him in modern men’s fashions from Target & The Gap) is available for play immediately! There’s also Prophet Mohammed postcards available for purchase too. 100% legally mailable postcards that can be sent through the US Postal Service for just pennies a piece! No envelopes required so The Prophet’s image can be seen the whhhhhooooollle way! Across the nation and over oceans! I encourage you to get a pack for yourself to send your heartfelt wishes to friends, loved ones and anyone else you think might appreciate seeing the long lost Prophet. I’d also like to think that this latest endeavor will give my Hate Mail section a much needed shot in the arm. We’ll see what happens now won’t we?

All right Bob. Stop. I’m too excitable about all this right now. There’s more to talk about.
*Catches breath.*

There is, of course, another exciting year of Amazing Strangers at Union Square about to begin just as soon as the weather gets agreeable. Which reminds me – Shaggy is coming out with his own line of products this year too! His book, DEATH TO THE READERS, is available on Amazon for just $3, and available in print very soon. There’s also going to be tee shirts too, which if you’re an observant follower you’ll see Shaggy’s been wearing it in some of the videos that’ve been posted recently.

I have a list of art projects I’m working my way through too. As they happen you can rest assured they will brought to your attention. This leads me to the next important update. My Latest Updates section of the site is being archived for good, and this spot here at normalbob.com is where all things related to all of my sites will be posted. IMPORTANT: If you have a subscription to the old Latest Updates page you’re going to have to resubscribe at this one. The old one is no longer operational. Nothing will change about the layout at normalbobsmith.com, but I’ve come to realize that the web does demand that I present a format more friendly & familiar to today’s first time visitors. And here we are.

So please, click the Subscribe button on the right and stay tuned for another fun year from me,
Your only true friend,
Normal Bob Smith.