That’s right. I’m number one on a Google search for Jesus. And of course the greatest part of it all is being more popular than any Christian website, anywhere, for anyone wanting to know more about the word “Jesus.”
We win! Right?
Okay, I have a problem. I am obsessed with the new JDU. Seriously, I haven’t felt this since the first time I drew the goddamn thing 15 years ago. I am getting off on the hideous creations that come from combining the outfits. Like, right now I got JC in the stockings, clown shoes, Hitler jacket, Darth gloves, Charlie Manson wig, Hannibal mask, and Tinky Winky head over top of it all, and it’s fucking crazy shit. I mean fucking terrifying! Like I’ve never seen scarier shit than this comin’ at me in my darkest moments.
Then strap the fucking bomb to it and I’m lookin’ over my shoulder thinking the CIA is gonna spy this shit and follow me home. Then, just do this… take off the Hitler jacket. That’s it! Fucking crazy, right?
Oh my god. I’m going fucking mental here. I gotta solve this thing, whatever it is.
Okay, new costume. And this one is so basic. ready? The NAMBLA shirt, Hannibal mask, hitler hat, clown shoes & gloves. That’s it. Makes my heart fucking pound in terror. Try and tell me your heart wouldn’t jump right out of your chest if that Jesus was comin’ at ya in an alley. That fucking perverted creep, in those tighty whities. MOTHER FUCKER!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!! And strap a bomb to this shit and it’s a whole new fucking monster. NAMBLA man, with a fucking bomb strapped on. That’s fuckin’ killer sharks on crack mother fucker!
But you wanna know the real deal? Do you wanna see something real and something fucking scary? Gacy clown suit, black boots, clown gloves, and, ready? Fucking Osama head and bomb on the chest. If that doesn’t give you the heeby jeebies nothin’ will. Fucking nothin’.
So I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if this means I’ve made the best Jesus dress Up ever that’ll never be matched, or if I’ve just gone fucking crazy and my darkest nightmares are there, on the page, staring back at me from that cross. All I know is that I can’t get enough.
In case you were wondering, now if you have your bag stolen at Starbucks in Manhattan the cops rope off the tables with “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS” tape, tell people to leave the tables in the area, and several officers show up to take care of the situation and secure the area. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture! ––
It’s happening right now. No, don’t worry everybody! I’m all right. I wasn’t hurt or anything! I guess maybe someone got there laptop ripped off or something. But the funny thing is, it’s two NYU students who got ripped off (duh), and the guy is using a crutch (guess that could be a reason he was a target/can’t chase). What’s even better is I’ve seen junkies get carried out of here on stretchers and they didn’t waste an inch of police tape on that shit. Hell, I think they even had a half-price-coffee party after that.
Oh yeah, as you can see in that picture I’m working on the new magnets. They’re gonna be the coolest thing yet. No joke. I got both Mansons, Hitler, the KKK, Osama, even Freddy Kruger on the goddamn thing. You ain’t never seen any shit like this before, and you’ll never see it again, so hold your fuckin’ breath. This is black market, back alley crimes right here. The shit’s gonna hit the fan when these get out there, and when it does I’ll be ready.
They’re actually closing this place down because of that stolen bag! Christ. Unbelievable.
