Category Archives: Final Justice Jesus

The time I sold Jesus magnets to Andrew W.K. and didn’t know it.

Andrew W.K. w/Normal BobAs many of you know I used to dress up as the devil and walk around the streets of NYC. I did this off and on from about 2002 to 2010 or so. The last time dressing up being for a booth at the 2010 ComicCon to promote and sell my Jesus magnets. The excuses I’d use for getting into the devil-drag were to hand out GOD IS FAKE flyers and promote the site, clubbing with friends, I even went on a few dates where she would dress as a catholic school girl. But most often I’d get dressed up and go out  just because it was a really fun thing to do. Lots of fun.

On this particular evening in March of 2009 it was because my friend Lenora Claire said she’d be in town that evening for a fancy celebrity party, and I was invited. It was an event put on by Vanity Fair and the USA Network to promote a book and television show titled The Character Project. There’d be celebs, free food and booze, but she couldn’t get me on the guest list. She was sure however that if I arrived in full Satan get up I’d be let right in. It was, after all, an event dedicated to interesting “characters”.

My outfit was your basic devil in a tux look. A somewhat dated tuxedo with a red ruffled shirt and black cumber bun, platform boots that zipped up the side. The tux itself was a couple sizes too small for me. I had no beard and my head completely shaven so I’d paint it all completely red with clown makeup, affix a couple homemade horns to the top, some black eyeliner and lip-stick, and that’s exactly how I did it for about 8 years.

For this particular occasion I had a plan. I was going to bring along plenty of God Is Fake flyers to hand out and leave on every blank surface I saw. I’d also bring along several variations of my magnets to try and push on unsuspecting guests. Push them much in the same way one might sell counterfeit designer purses on Canal street.

It was all taking place at this haughty studio in the West Village. If you’ve ever walked by some artsy celebrity event in the Village you know what I’m talking about. They can be intimidating. Velvet ropes, paparazzi, limos, crowds of well dressed rich looking people. A literal red carpet, and very heavy security. I remember approaching this scene thinking to myself, “There’s no way they’re letting me into this place.”

The most intimidating part of it all were the two fancy women at the door with a clipboard asking questions and checking names. But when I got to them their eyes lit up and the one with the clipboard said “HELLOOO Mr. Devil!”

“Hi, uh, I’m a guest of Lenora Claire, and uh she said to just come down and uh, she’s expecting me?” But before I could keep on explaining she gave her list a cursory glance, unhooked the rope and said “No problem! Come right on in.”

Still in explaining mode I was totally unprepared for the wall of flashing cameras on my left. It was an actual line of paparazzi, like 20 or so photographers shooting hundreds of pictures non stop. I hammed it up as much as I could for them, but I also I remember hurrying through because I saw more important looking people behind me waiting next. Here’s one of those photos, I guess now owned by Getty Images, if you’re interested.

It was an impressive party. Waiters milling around holding trays of cookies and ham & cheese on toothpicks. I saw Lucy Liu and Jeff Goldbloom there who both looked at me like I was a stalker they had a restraining order against. But don’t get me wrong. At events like this people actually come up and talk to you. Pretty people! And they have big smiles on their faces! And they’re friendly to strangers and everything! It’s something I wasn’t at all used to when going out in the city. People were approaching me wanting to know who I was with, and which part of the show I was a part of. I would tell them flat out I wasn’t on the guest list and I just came in off the street. I would ask them if they wanted to see some of the stuff I got, and let them peek in my bag and show them my stash of blasphemy. They generally got a positive response. There were a few who were aghast, but for the most part the guests loved them, and me. If they were receptive to the Jesus magnets I’d say “I’ve got others, but they might be more than you can handle.” Then I’d show the Final Justice & BDSM versions acting like I’d snuck a bag of hand grenades into the building. After awhile word of what I was doing circulated and guests would come asking to see whatever it was I was doing.

At one point this heavy metal looking guy came up to me. He looked like just some stoner dude tagging along with his hot girlfriend. I forget exactly how he put it but he made it clear someone had told him to come see what I had in my bag. I remember giving him the flyer and he loved it. So I followed that with a set of the magnets. He guffawed with laughter and said “You’re selling these??” He did not hesitate to buy one. I still remember him and his girlfriend walking away admiring them, but I have to admit I cannot for the life of me remember which set they purchased!

At the time I knew three things about Andrew W.K.
1. He did that I Love New York City song and it would get stuck in my head if I thought of the title, as has happened just now while writing this.
2. That great album cover of him with blood gushing down from his nose.
3. He played all the instruments and vocals on the album.

Afterwards Lenora told me she saw Andrew W.K. walking around with my magnets and that’s when I realized who he was.

I didn’t see him again that evening, and I did laps around that party until my feet hurt and my legs were aching. Upon my exit I couldn’t believe the expensive gift basket they gave me filled with wine & cheese, the $80 photography book they were promoting. All kinds of other pricey things you wouldn’t buy for yourself, but you would gladly take for free.

That was one of the last times I ever dressed up as the devil. Not long after that I grew out my hair, and beard, and it just doesn’t have the same effect.

So anyway, that’s how I sold a set of my magnets to Andrew WK and didn’t even know that I had.

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Batman Jesus Dressup magnets are here!

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoThey’re HERE! They’re HERE! My Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets are in, and they look AmAzInG! I have to be a little sly in, but I think this’ll cut it for now. Just look for it under the name Joker Jesus.

I have zero reservations about creating these. It’s my art. It’s my favorite Batman characters from each era brought together in one zone for the Caped Crusaviour. It’s hard for me to express how satisfying it is to have it in hand like this. It’s my baby.

Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets sample
Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets sample

Hell. I’m happy with everything I’ve got for Jesus to be dressed up in. The BDSM version is still my #1 best seller. And the Final Justice has found its stores where they’re flying off the shelves into the hands of people as twisted as I. Also I’m pleased to say that the Lady Gaga version’s popularity moves according to her own as well. And the Star Wars & Halloween too.

All 6 for $66 includes Lady Gaga, Final Justice, BDSM, Halloween, Star Wars & Batman Jesus dressup sets!

That’s 6! And you know what that means? That means you can get all 6 for $66 while supplies last. I just love it when things work out so poetically like that. Sooooo satisfying just on its own. No sales even necessary. Which is a major flaw in my thought process I suppose. But there you have it. Just in time for Easter. And if you are a store, or know of a store which would carry any or all of these, please don’t keep it to yourself. Contact me and I’ll be delighted to send you some! Because next week I begin the process of mailing out samples to stores, making phone calls and fulfilling dreams.

The Jesus Dressapp

UPDATE: Sept 25, 2016 – The Jesus Dressapp has been deleted from Google play, but is available, uncensored here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoIt’s here at last! The Jesus Dressapp for Android. But not without its share of drama… Already!
This is actually the 2nd version of this particular design posted within the last 48 hours. The first one removed for being too sexy explicit with the BDSM clothes. Those have now been removed. (btw, if you downloaded that first version you can still download the new one without disrupting the one you have. You’ll just have 2 versions on your phone.)

Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples
Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples

Anyone who’s followed the Jesus Dressup app story for the last 6+ years has witnessed the constant struggle to get it & keep it available to the public. And there’s a story to go with each desperate attempt made.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #1

Apple FAIL image

The first big attempt was in 2010. A fan of the site from Scotland came to visit at Union Square. He offered to make the app for iPhone. He’d mentioned it when we met, hung out a few days without talking much more about it. Then I happened to be walking by him on Astor Place the day he was flying back home and he shouted from the distance, “Do you still want me to make that iPhone app for you?”

“Sure! Go for it! Just put a link to the fridge magnets on it and it’ll be worth it to me!” I shouted back.

Knowing it was a lot of work to make, in haste I said, “If you can put a link to my store on it it’s yours to do whatever you want with!” Or something of that nature.

Many months passed and I had already forgotten about it. Then low and behold he messages telling me it’s done and ready to go. I was impressed.

The next step was getting it approved by Apple itself, which much to my surprise they did! We were both visibly shocked and excited.  Unfortunately, the other thing I was quick to find out was he’d made the Apple account entirely under his name, and all purchases of the app were going to him. I’d been shut out of it completely. And there wasn’t even a link on it to promote the magnets I sell.

I called him and explained how this wasn’t an acceptable setup. He immediately got defensive, saying “You said I could have it if I made it!”
After several more minutes of angry words I told him if he doesn’t change the situation fast I would contact Apple and tell them he’d stolen my product and have them take it down. He yelled back at me “Fine! I’m taking it down myself!” And hung up on me. It was removed seconds later.
Then this guy from Krapps emailed me wanting the full story…

Jesus Dressapp removed banner

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #2

Attempt #2 happened about a year later (2011). Inspired by the acceptance by Apple from the previous attempt I started asking around for possible programmers. Having an iPhone App appeared to be a venture that could be quite lucrative. This time I’d pay someone to make it again, and I could have full control, beginning to end.

Union Skaters w/jesus dressup flyer
David, Shiva, Greg & Tom burning a hole through Jesus Dressup flyer

A friend of mine from Union Square, one of the skateboard kids I’d known since he was 15, was now going to school for programming. He was happy to figure out how to make an iPhone app while getting paid. It took the better part of winter 2010/11 and a lot of headaches, but after several months we had our iPhone App ready to go. We submitted it to Apple, and about a week later they rejected it. I tried to appeal the rejection but they didn’t care. I belly ached to them how they approved it a year earlier when it wasn’t me who submitted it, but they stood firm. “Too controversial.”
It was spirit-breaking.

In an amusing side note, below is the image they sent us with the rejection letter. And yes, someone on their end had to dress him up like that before concluding it was too offensive for Apple.

March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.
March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.

Anyhow, this particular rejection really took the wind out of my sails for a Jesus Dressup app any time in the near future. Having it approved for the guy who stole it, and rejected after putting so much time and money into it was the deathblow. Tom and I parted ways, and I didn’t feel like getting into app making ever again.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #3

Then in 2013 I was contacted by a Facebook friend who said he wanted to make the Jesus Dressup app for Android. Let me say that he was making a very generous offer of doing it for no charge for the experience, and credit on the app itself. I warned him of the troubles in the past, the difficulty & time involved in making it, and the very real fact that it’s probably not worth it financially for either party involved. Still, he offered to do it while in school, for no pay.

A year later the progress had been minimal and I realized again, it was way too big a job to be worth doing at all. I seriously don’t know how making these free apps is worth it for anyone.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #4

Finally earlier this year, around March, I was contacted by another Jesus Dressup fan from Italy, offering to make the app for Droid. I did the usual “It’s a bigger job than you think, and afterwards it’ll be rejected for being offensive” speech. But as long as his name could be credited for making it he was willing to give it a shot, no charge. He sent me video of how it’d play, and several months later it was done. That was last week.

Less than 24 hours later it was deleted from Google Play for being too sexually explicit. So we removed the BDSM option, and just in case we also removed the Nazi stuff from the Final Justice version, and now it’s back up. And that is where we stand.

Playthrough of the 2016 Jesus Dressapp for Android

It has almost every version of Jesus Dressup I’ve ever made included, it’s FREE, and it even has a link to my fridge magnets in it!
I have an iPhone so I haven’t played it yet, but after watching the play-through (above) I really wish I had a Droid instead. And the reviews it’s getting are astounding!

Jesus Dressapp Batman screenshot

“Even more fun in app form!”

“I have the magnet set, but now it’s on my PHONE! No more carrying my refrigerator around wherever I go”

“Hilarious”

Even more fun on app form. I love the magnets so the app is even better! I love the villains option, it’s my favorite! Easy to use and fun.”

“Instant classic. Brilliant”

So race to Play Google, download it before it’s deleted again, pass the link onto friends and write a nice review before I’m writing about the Jesus Dressapp 5th Attempt!
Just click on the link below. And if that one’s been deleted you can always get the completely uncensored one here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressapp for Droid on Google Play

New & Improved Final Justice Jesus Dressup!

Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets
Final Justice Jesus Dressup fridge magnets ($14) include notorious villains like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy & The Hamburgler



 

 

I don’t think it’s any big secret that my favorite version of Jesus Dressup is the Final Justice version. So I just went back and added some more villains, repaired a few glitches in the coding and tweaked the existing artwork to make it even better than it was before! So go see what I consider the greatest Jesus Dressup ever!

• Can you name all 14 villains?
• Any other villain ideas? Mind you, the character must be recognizable using just clothes.