Category Archives: Freelance

Trump Dressup

The shipment of Trump magnets arrived today and they look amazing!
The shipment of Trump magnets arrived today and they look amazing!

Good Lord, I can’t believe they’ve finally arrived. I’m sure it appears as if I’ve stopped doing anything here at normalbob.com, but rest assured the only reason for the lag is to rest up before my latest project hits the market. And that’s today.
I give to you Trump Magnetic Dressup.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to wait for three months while your time-sensitive idea is being produced on the other side of the world? Watching the news not knowing if they’ll be rendered completely invalid or a huge marketing success by the time they get here? Well, it seems that day of reckoning  is finally here, and it looks like everything’s worked out okay.

Magnetic Trump Dressup ($15)
Magnetic Trump Dressup ($15)



 

So what’s sure to be the most mainstream project I’ve ever embarked upon, while at the same time probably losing me the maximum number of friends & fans, I have to tell you both the site and the magnetic version look amazing.

TrumpDressup.com image 2017
TrumpDressup.com image 2017

The online version of the game goes above & beyond the playability of any dressup I’ve produced before thanks to the partner I’m working on this with. I’m so pleased to say it can be played on your computer in all browsers,  tablets, smartphones, etc. so feel free to share it with your friends on social media. There’s also the additional Trump-speak feature which allows you to include Trump’s latest Tweet or anything you want him to say in with your dressup creation.

Trumpdressup.com Trump-Speak!
Trumpdressup.com Trump-Speak!

If you’re wondering why I have them for sale in both my regular Jesus Dressup store while also available at a Shopify connected to Trumpdressup.com, it’s because, like I said, I’m not pursuing this venture alone. I have a business partner to help with marketing, programming, finances and other things to make this a complete venture with maximum profitability. The only difference in these two stores is the option to include Jesus Dressup  magnets in with your Magnetic Trump Dressup order from my personal store. The cost to you and the amount that goes in my pocket from a purchase is the same.

I truly have no idea what to expect after this moment so I just suggest you buy your set soon because their days of availability are probably numbered. If you are a store who would like to have Magnetic Trump Dressup on your shelves, contact me and I’ll be happy to send you wholesale prices & availability.

And I suppose now’s as good a time as any to say thank you to my folks for letting me take residence in their home while I profit off mocking both their saviour and their president.
Thanks mom and dad!

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HELP WANTED

Floppie the Clown dressup
Floppie the Clown dressup

When I first moved to NYC I supported myself primarily designing custom dressup games for the web. There was no Jesus Dressup magnet income yet (I couldn’t find anyone to produce them for a couple years after I arrived). But the online version of it was very, VERY popular. I mean hell, it was in the top two results for the word “jesus” for a decade. That was enough to wrangle in similar jobs from a wide variety of clients.

My dressup games have been birthday presents for husbands wives, promotal devices for marketers, lawyers, burlesque dancers & other adult services needing erotic dressups. I was even hired to do a dressup game for a couple of Australian escorts looking to boost their business!

 Escort Dolls dressup
Escort Dolls dressup

These types were always favorites of mine. They requested I make them have a growl face when the client touches parts that’re off-limits, and wink to show where to go. I always gave discounts and extra attention to these, and I’m happy to say they were a substantial portion of this business, but my clients spanned the gamut – lawyers & librarians to bohemians & bodybuilders. I was also fine with doing kid-friendly dressups as well. Heavy.com had me making a monthly celebrity dressup which was a nice consistent check for a while. I even did one for Blue Man Group.

 Whippedcream Bikini dressup
Whippedcream Bikini dressup

It was a wonderful, dependable income for a budding freelancer such as myself.  I’d found a niche. In fact, for a time it seemed I’d cornered the market on custom dressup games production for the web. Ahhh, those were the days.

I do not write code. I draw and design to no end, but when it comes to programming I am inept. I can’t make my brain do it to any great extent, and that’s turned out to be one of my biggest business handicaps. Luckily there was Dreamweaver at the time to do all that work for me. It was the perfect tool for building quality, movable layer dress up games that’d work on almost all computers, browsers and the like.

Then came smartphones, tablets, apps, updated browsers, and a whole new more complicated web. And Dreamweaver did not try to keep up with the movable layers technology. For a while I could keep up with Dreamweaver’s lag. I hired programmers to give me fix files to implement after a page is designed & I made a HELP! page too, but Google Chrome seemed to almost plot against any future for movable layers.

the many outfits of @babyballs 🎨 by @normalbobsmith

A video posted by VICELAND (@viceland) on


I was just recently reminded of all this working on a magnetic dressup Thomas Morton game for the Viceland show BALLS DEEP. Designing and producing beautiful dress up games is something I love to do. I used to do one after another for myself, with no intentions of anything more than fun for me, i.e. (Yolandi, Unholy Army, Mr. X & Revenge).

 Mr. X Hangman dressup
Mr. X Hangman dressup

What makes this all even more frustrating is I know it’s possible to make workable dressup games for today’s web. Universal, smooth moving layers on any browser, and any device, is a reality. I’ve found working, detailed instructions & examples that simply need to be programmed in by someone way, way smarter than I. And I have dressup jobs ready to be made if I could just figure this out.

Toothy McFadden dressup
Toothy McFadden dressup
For the last 10 years or so I have had a hell of a time finding any such programmer, and I do not completely understand why. I know it’s not immensely complicated. The last time this was done for me it was by a kid just out of high school (java file & php fix as html file). I am willing to pay. And I’ve got all the information it takes to make it happen. This page shows it being done properly. I just need someone to program the fix. Something that’ll make it possible for me to design it in Dreamweaver and then implement a fix. I would love to be able to promote my services again as a professional dress up game maker for magnets AND online usage!

If you think you have these skills to make this possible for me again, please contact me. I would love to start regularly making these again.

Whigger Dressup
Whigger Dressup

For a pretty thorough list of dressup games I’ve made you can visit my portfolio here. For the record, Safari is the browser to use if you want any of these to work properly.

Funhouse Exit Girls

Funhouse Exit Girl AnnieI understand how from the outside it looks like I’ve been slacking off. There’s been no new videos on my channel, blog posts have been minimal, and I haven’t even been showing off a lot of new art. I have however been creating new art. For clients. I’ve been staying busy enough with freelance jobs that I can remove everything else from the “You’re not being productive enough” part of my brain which haunts me whenever I try to relax.

Recently I was asked to do a series of girls getting their skirts blown up. The client who contacted me about this told me about how back in the day at the carnival, just outside of the funhouse exit, there was a grate on the floor that would shoot up air to blow the skirts of the ladies. And it was outside this exit men would gather to bare witness. What he was asking for were a series of three drawings to commemorate this memory from his youth. These always turn out to be my most favorite jobs to dive into.

Funhouse Exit Girl Traci sketch
Funhouse Exit Girl Traci sketch

I have a folder I keep off to the side filled with people and things I hope to use for a drawing in some way or another. A majority of the images are of girls and other people I find beautiful or interesting. And several of these were referenced for this particular project, including Betty Page, Traci Lords from Crybaby, and Playboy’s Annie Fanny, which is probably the easiest to spot in these. And I knew they’d each make adorable Petty Girl style pieces.

I always begin with a sketch. And in this case I sketched all three ladies before bringing them to Illustrator for digitization. Then I trace the sketches in black and white. After the basics are complete I bring them onto the same page to unify them. Make sure they’re similar enough to be a set, but different enough to compliment each other. And then I start the search for a color scheme. In this case a Red, White & Blue theme worked perfectly for redhead, blond & black hair.

Funhouse Exit Girls in black & white
Funhouse Exit Girls in black & white

At each step along the way I make sure the client is happy with the way things are going, and I always leave room for revisions, tweaks and even a complete redraw at times. Then the final step in these was to make that funhouse exit background that would bring them all together.

I’m telling all of you this for two reasons. One is because I’m really proud of how these turned out and wanted to show them off. And the other, I love being hired for jobs like this, and for anyone who does hire me, this is how a job gets done.

Chicago

The Bean in Millenium Park, Chicago
The Bean in Millenium Park, Chicago

No, I haven’t moved to Chicago. I haven’t even decided if I’d like to live there or not. Or where I’d even like to live at all in the future. I’m still in Michigan planning to periodically visit the Windy City from time to time. I have family and friends there, plus there seems to be possible outlets there for my filming addiction.

I’m starting to get ideas on how to possibly present past Amazing Strangers footage. I’ve thought of focusing on one character, like Dusty for instance, along with some music, I could put together a brief story about that subject in an interesting way. So if by chance you or someone you know has music they’d like to get out there, especially if it’s themed around NYC, Union or one of the “Strangers” there, I’d be very interested to hear/use it. I’d give full credit and promote the musician behind it in any way possible. Which reminds me…

Kameltoe

I was in Chicago last week, and while there I ran into Kameltoe! I’d been planning to go to Chicago for the last week of September for a while. Then, just happened to mention it to Kameltoe (who is in LA), and by chance she was going there be there the same time!

So we met up in Millennium Park and recorded some of her new songs. She has many new songs, and I recorded about 6 of them that afternoon. I’ll get them to you as ways to present them come to me.

If you want to keep up to date with Kameltoe’s life, her Instagram is the best place for that.

Art Jobs

putple octopus with pizza
Hired to design an octopus with pizza for a tattoo

Yes, I have been able to finally work on art now that I’m away from NYC, but most of it has been paid jobs! I can’t share most of what I’ve done because they’re assignments that are reserved for client use only for now. But one of the pieces I can show is this Octopizza that’s scheduled to become a tattoo on someone’s forearm.

I am indeed for hire for art jobs, no matter how weird or wrong it may seem. Those are often my favorite kinds of jobs to do.

That all said, things have stayed the same. While in Chicago my nephews pretty much got me addicted to Grand Theft Auto. And if you keep up with me on Facebook you’ll see I’ve been helping my mom with her mushroom habit.