Category Archives: Freelance

HELP WANTED

Floppie the Clown dressup
Floppie the Clown dressup

When I first moved to NYC I supported myself primarily designing custom dressup games for the web. There was no Jesus Dressup magnet income yet (I couldn’t find anyone to produce them for a couple years after I arrived). But the online version of it was very, VERY popular. I mean hell, it was in the top two results for the word “jesus” for a decade. That was enough to wrangle in similar jobs from a wide variety of clients.

My dressup games have been birthday presents for husbands wives, promotal devices for marketers, lawyers, burlesque dancers & other adult services needing erotic dressups. I was even hired to do a dressup game for a couple of Australian escorts looking to boost their business!

 Escort Dolls dressup
Escort Dolls dressup

These types were always favorites of mine. They requested I make them have a growl face when the client touches parts that’re off-limits, and wink to show where to go. I always gave discounts and extra attention to these, and I’m happy to say they were a substantial portion of this business, but my clients spanned the gamut – lawyers & librarians to bohemians & bodybuilders. I was also fine with doing kid-friendly dressups as well. Heavy.com had me making a monthly celebrity dressup which was a nice consistent check for a while. I even did one for Blue Man Group.

 Whippedcream Bikini dressup
Whippedcream Bikini dressup

It was a wonderful, dependable income for a budding freelancer such as myself.  I’d found a niche. In fact, for a time it seemed I’d cornered the market on custom dressup games production for the web. Ahhh, those were the days.

I do not write code. I draw and design to no end, but when it comes to programming I am inept. I can’t make my brain do it to any great extent, and that’s turned out to be one of my biggest business handicaps. Luckily there was Dreamweaver at the time to do all that work for me. It was the perfect tool for building quality, movable layer dress up games that’d work on almost all computers, browsers and the like.

Then came smartphones, tablets, apps, updated browsers, and a whole new more complicated web. And Dreamweaver did not try to keep up with the movable layers technology. For a while I could keep up with Dreamweaver’s lag. I hired programmers to give me fix files to implement after a page is designed & I made a HELP! page too, but Google Chrome seemed to almost plot against any future for movable layers.

the many outfits of @babyballs 🎨 by @normalbobsmith

A video posted by VICELAND (@viceland) on


I was just recently reminded of all this working on a magnetic dressup Thomas Morton game for the Viceland show BALLS DEEP. Designing and producing beautiful dress up games is something I love to do. I used to do one after another for myself, with no intentions of anything more than fun for me, i.e. (Yolandi, Unholy Army, Mr. X & Revenge).

 Mr. X Hangman dressup
Mr. X Hangman dressup

What makes this all even more frustrating is I know it’s possible to make workable dressup games for today’s web. Universal, smooth moving layers on any browser, and any device, is a reality. I’ve found working, detailed instructions & examples that simply need to be programmed in by someone way, way smarter than I. And I have dressup jobs ready to be made if I could just figure this out.

Toothy McFadden dressup
Toothy McFadden dressup
For the last 10 years or so I have had a hell of a time finding any such programmer, and I do not completely understand why. I know it’s not immensely complicated. The last time this was done for me it was by a kid just out of high school (java file & php fix as html file). I am willing to pay. And I’ve got all the information it takes to make it happen. This page shows it being done properly. I just need someone to program the fix. Something that’ll make it possible for me to design it in Dreamweaver and then implement a fix. I would love to be able to promote my services again as a professional dress up game maker for magnets AND online usage!

If you think you have these skills to make this possible for me again, please contact me. I would love to start regularly making these again.

Whigger Dressup
Whigger Dressup

For a pretty thorough list of dressup games I’ve made you can visit my portfolio here. For the record, Safari is the browser to use if you want any of these to work properly.

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Funhouse Exit Girls

Funhouse Exit Girl AnnieI understand how from the outside it looks like I’ve been slacking off. There’s been no new videos on my channel, blog posts have been minimal, and I haven’t even been showing off a lot of new art. I have however been creating new art. For clients. I’ve been staying busy enough with freelance jobs that I can remove everything else from the “You’re not being productive enough” part of my brain which haunts me whenever I try to relax.

Recently I was asked to do a series of girls getting their skirts blown up. The client who contacted me about this told me about how back in the day at the carnival, just outside of the funhouse exit, there was a grate on the floor that would shoot up air to blow the skirts of the ladies. And it was outside this exit men would gather to bare witness. What he was asking for were a series of three drawings to commemorate this memory from his youth. These always turn out to be my most favorite jobs to dive into.

Funhouse Exit Girl Traci sketch
Funhouse Exit Girl Traci sketch

I have a folder I keep off to the side filled with people and things I hope to use for a drawing in some way or another. A majority of the images are of girls and other people I find beautiful or interesting. And several of these were referenced for this particular project, including Betty Page, Traci Lords from Crybaby, and Playboy’s Annie Fanny, which is probably the easiest to spot in these. And I knew they’d each make adorable Petty Girl style pieces.

I always begin with a sketch. And in this case I sketched all three ladies before bringing them to Illustrator for digitization. Then I trace the sketches in black and white. After the basics are complete I bring them onto the same page to unify them. Make sure they’re similar enough to be a set, but different enough to compliment each other. And then I start the search for a color scheme. In this case a Red, White & Blue theme worked perfectly for redhead, blond & black hair.

Funhouse Exit Girls in black & white
Funhouse Exit Girls in black & white

At each step along the way I make sure the client is happy with the way things are going, and I always leave room for revisions, tweaks and even a complete redraw at times. Then the final step in these was to make that funhouse exit background that would bring them all together.

I’m telling all of you this for two reasons. One is because I’m really proud of how these turned out and wanted to show them off. And the other, I love being hired for jobs like this, and for anyone who does hire me, this is how a job gets done.

Chicago

The Bean in Millenium Park, Chicago
The Bean in Millenium Park, Chicago

No, I haven’t moved to Chicago. I haven’t even decided if I’d like to live there or not. Or where I’d even like to live at all in the future. I’m still in Michigan planning to periodically visit the Windy City from time to time. I have family and friends there, plus there seems to be possible outlets there for my filming addiction.

I’m starting to get ideas on how to possibly present past Amazing Strangers footage. I’ve thought of focusing on one character, like Dusty for instance, along with some music, I could put together a brief story about that subject in an interesting way. So if by chance you or someone you know has music they’d like to get out there, especially if it’s themed around NYC, Union or one of the “Strangers” there, I’d be very interested to hear/use it. I’d give full credit and promote the musician behind it in any way possible. Which reminds me…

Kameltoe

I was in Chicago last week, and while there I ran into Kameltoe! I’d been planning to go to Chicago for the last week of September for a while. Then, just happened to mention it to Kameltoe (who is in LA), and by chance she was going there be there the same time!

So we met up in Millennium Park and recorded some of her new songs. She has many new songs, and I recorded about 6 of them that afternoon. I’ll get them to you as ways to present them come to me.

If you want to keep up to date with Kameltoe’s life, her Instagram is the best place for that.

Art Jobs

putple octopus with pizza
Hired to design an octopus with pizza for a tattoo

Yes, I have been able to finally work on art now that I’m away from NYC, but most of it has been paid jobs! I can’t share most of what I’ve done because they’re assignments that are reserved for client use only for now. But one of the pieces I can show is this Octopizza that’s scheduled to become a tattoo on someone’s forearm.

I am indeed for hire for art jobs, no matter how weird or wrong it may seem. Those are often my favorite kinds of jobs to do.

That all said, things have stayed the same. While in Chicago my nephews pretty much got me addicted to Grand Theft Auto. And if you keep up with me on Facebook you’ll see I’ve been helping my mom with her mushroom habit.


Bummer Summer

Art Projects

goth girl art
Portrait of Nicole digitized in Adobe Illustrator

Lately my happiness has been coming from drawing people. Stylish, striking, sexy people. I’ve always had this passion. But lately it just beats all.

Please don’t misunderstand. From the wispy goth rocker Nicole, to the hulking beefcake female bodybuilder Tracy, my range for what I find stylish and sexy spreads oceans. And I just have to do them. I cannot stop myself. I don’t even try.

John Waters said, “Life is nothing if you’re not obsessed.”
That’s what it is.

portrait of muscular punk woman
Portrait of bodybuilder/trainer Tracy Argo digitized in Adobe Illustrator

So when I’m not being hired to draw people, I’m picking them out myself and doing it for fun. I can’t tell you how much I’d like to have project assignments like this coming in, but either way that’s what I’m loving, so more’s on the way.

If you do indeed have the inclination to hire me, I am available. Tell me what you have in mind, your budget, and I bet we can work something out.

Union Square

What I’m not loving at the moment is Union Square. It hasn’t been stylish, striking, and certainly not sexy! It’s hot, and stinky, and nothing’s really happening. Well, besides ball playing.

They’re throwing the football around all the fucking time. The day before yesterday they whacked Tabatha in the back of the head with it, and I flipped! I was so pissed I was yelling at them all calling them all pieces of shit! I’m just sick of the constant ball playing, and hitting people, and everyone else having no problem with being hit! You know. Just sayin’.

I’m not sure what this all means exactly. There’s still no postcard done, and my urge to make it is fizzling out. Could be just the summer heat, but I can’t say for sure. Sure as hell no love to be found there! Things have been changing at the park, and in my head.