Category Archives: Dressup Games

Batman Jesus Dressup magnets are here!

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoThey’re HERE! They’re HERE! My Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets are in, and they look AmAzInG! I have to be a little sly in, but I think this’ll cut it for now. Just look for it under the name Joker Jesus.

I have zero reservations about creating these. It’s my art. It’s my favorite Batman characters from each era brought together in one zone for the Caped Crusaviour. It’s hard for me to express how satisfying it is to have it in hand like this. It’s my baby.

Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets sample
Batman Jesus Dressup fridge magnets sample

Hell. I’m happy with everything I’ve got for Jesus to be dressed up in. The BDSM version is still my #1 best seller. And the Final Justice has found its stores where they’re flying off the shelves into the hands of people as twisted as I. Also I’m pleased to say that the Lady Gaga version’s popularity moves according to her own as well. And the Star Wars & Halloween too.

All 6 for $66 includes Lady Gaga, Final Justice, BDSM, Halloween, Star Wars & Batman Jesus dressup sets!

That’s 6! And you know what that means? That means you can get all 6 for $66 while supplies last. I just love it when things work out so poetically like that. Sooooo satisfying just on its own. No sales even necessary. Which is a major flaw in my thought process I suppose. But there you have it. Just in time for Easter. And if you are a store, or know of a store which would carry any or all of these, please don’t keep it to yourself. Contact me and I’ll be delighted to send you some! Because next week I begin the process of mailing out samples to stores, making phone calls and fulfilling dreams.

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HELP WANTED

Floppie the Clown dressup
Floppie the Clown dressup

When I first moved to NYC I supported myself primarily designing custom dressup games for the web. There was no Jesus Dressup magnet income yet (I couldn’t find anyone to produce them for a couple years after I arrived). But the online version of it was very, VERY popular. I mean hell, it was in the top two results for the word “jesus” for a decade. That was enough to wrangle in similar jobs from a wide variety of clients.

My dressup games have been birthday presents for husbands wives, promotal devices for marketers, lawyers, burlesque dancers & other adult services needing erotic dressups. I was even hired to do a dressup game for a couple of Australian escorts looking to boost their business!

 Escort Dolls dressup
Escort Dolls dressup

These types were always favorites of mine. They requested I make them have a growl face when the client touches parts that’re off-limits, and wink to show where to go. I always gave discounts and extra attention to these, and I’m happy to say they were a substantial portion of this business, but my clients spanned the gamut – lawyers & librarians to bohemians & bodybuilders. I was also fine with doing kid-friendly dressups as well. Heavy.com had me making a monthly celebrity dressup which was a nice consistent check for a while. I even did one for Blue Man Group.

 Whippedcream Bikini dressup
Whippedcream Bikini dressup

It was a wonderful, dependable income for a budding freelancer such as myself.  I’d found a niche. In fact, for a time it seemed I’d cornered the market on custom dressup games production for the web. Ahhh, those were the days.

I do not write code. I draw and design to no end, but when it comes to programming I am inept. I can’t make my brain do it to any great extent, and that’s turned out to be one of my biggest business handicaps. Luckily there was Dreamweaver at the time to do all that work for me. It was the perfect tool for building quality, movable layer dress up games that’d work on almost all computers, browsers and the like.

Then came smartphones, tablets, apps, updated browsers, and a whole new more complicated web. And Dreamweaver did not try to keep up with the movable layers technology. For a while I could keep up with Dreamweaver’s lag. I hired programmers to give me fix files to implement after a page is designed & I made a HELP! page too, but Google Chrome seemed to almost plot against any future for movable layers.

the many outfits of @babyballs 🎨 by @normalbobsmith

A video posted by VICELAND (@viceland) on


I was just recently reminded of all this working on a magnetic dressup Thomas Morton game for the Viceland show BALLS DEEP. Designing and producing beautiful dress up games is something I love to do. I used to do one after another for myself, with no intentions of anything more than fun for me, i.e. (Yolandi, Unholy Army, Mr. X & Revenge).

 Mr. X Hangman dressup
Mr. X Hangman dressup

What makes this all even more frustrating is I know it’s possible to make workable dressup games for today’s web. Universal, smooth moving layers on any browser, and any device, is a reality. I’ve found working, detailed instructions & examples that simply need to be programmed in by someone way, way smarter than I. And I have dressup jobs ready to be made if I could just figure this out.

Toothy McFadden dressup
Toothy McFadden dressup
For the last 10 years or so I have had a hell of a time finding any such programmer, and I do not completely understand why. I know it’s not immensely complicated. The last time this was done for me it was by a kid just out of high school (java file & php fix as html file). I am willing to pay. And I’ve got all the information it takes to make it happen. This page shows it being done properly. I just need someone to program the fix. Something that’ll make it possible for me to design it in Dreamweaver and then implement a fix. I would love to be able to promote my services again as a professional dress up game maker for magnets AND online usage!

If you think you have these skills to make this possible for me again, please contact me. I would love to start regularly making these again.

Whigger Dressup
Whigger Dressup

For a pretty thorough list of dressup games I’ve made you can visit my portfolio here. For the record, Safari is the browser to use if you want any of these to work properly.

The Jesus Dressapp

UPDATE: Sept 25, 2016 – The Jesus Dressapp has been deleted from Google play, but is available, uncensored here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressup crownhanger logoIt’s here at last! The Jesus Dressapp for Android. But not without it’s share of drama… Already!
This is actually the 2nd version of this particular design posted within the last 48 hours. The first one removed for being too sexy explicit with the BDSM clothes. Those have now been removed. (btw, if you downloaded that first version you can still download the new one without disrupting the one you have. You’ll just have 2 versions on your phone.)

Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples
Jesus Dressup App for Droid samples

Anyone who’s followed the Jesus Dressup app story for the last 6+ years has witnessed the constant struggle to get it & keep it available to the public. And there’s a story to go with each desperate attempt made.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #1

Apple FAIL image

The first big attempt was in 2010. A fan of the site from Scotland came to visit at Union Square. He offered to make the app for iPhone. He’d mentioned it when we met, hung out a few days without talking much more about it. Then I happened to be walking by him on Astor Place the day he was flying back home and he shouted from the distance, “Do you still want me to make that iPhone app for you?”

“Sure! Go for it! Just put a link to the fridge magnets on it and it’ll be worth it to me!” I shouted back.

Knowing it was a lot of work to make, in haste I said, “If you can put a link to my store on it it’s yours to do whatever you want with!” Or something of that nature.

Many months passed and I had already forgotten about it. Then low and behold he messages telling me it’s done and ready to go. I was impressed.

The next step was getting it approved by Apple itself, which much to my surprise they did! We were both visibly shocked and excited.  Unfortunately, the other thing I was quick to find out was he’d made the Apple account entirely under his name, and all purchases of the app were going to him. I’d been shut out of it completely. And there wasn’t even a link on it to promote the magnets I sell.

I called him and explained how this wasn’t an acceptable setup. He immediately got defensive, saying “You said I could have it if I made it!”
After several more minutes of angry words I told him if he doesn’t change the situation fast I would contact Apple and tell them he’d stolen my product and have them take it down. He yelled back at me “Fine! I’m taking it down myself!” And hung up on me. It was removed seconds later.
Then this guy from Krapps emailed me wanting the full story…

Jesus Dressapp removed banner

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #2

Attempt #2 happened about a year later (2011). Inspired by the acceptance by Apple from the previous attempt I started asking around for possible programmers. Having an iPhone App appeared to be a venture that could be quite lucrative. This time I’d pay someone to make it again, and I could have full control, beginning to end.

Union Skaters w/jesus dressup flyer
David, Shiva, Greg & Tom burning a hole through Jesus Dressup flyer

A friend of mine from Union Square, one of the skateboard kids I’d known since he was 15, was now going to school for programming. He was happy to figure out how to make an iPhone app while getting paid. It took the better part of winter 2010/11 and a lot of headaches, but after several months we had our iPhone App ready to go. We submitted it to Apple, and about a week later they rejected it. I tried to appeal the rejection but they didn’t care. I belly ached to them how they approved it a year earlier when it wasn’t me who submitted it, but they stood firm. “Too controversial.”
It was spirit-breaking.

In an amusing side note, below is the image they sent us with the rejection letter. And yes, someone on their end had to dress him up like that before concluding it was too offensive for Apple.

March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.
March 14, 2011 image included in denial email after contending the Apple app rejection.

Anyhow, this particular rejection really took the wind out of my sails for a Jesus Dressup app any time in the near future. Having it approved for the guy who stole it, and rejected after putting so much time and money into it was the deathblow. Tom and I parted ways, and I didn’t feel like getting into app making ever again.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #3

Then in 2013 I was contacted by a Facebook friend who said he wanted to make the Jesus Dressup app for Android. Let me say that he was making a very generous offer of doing it for no charge for the experience, and credit on the app itself. I warned him of the troubles in the past, the difficulty & time involved in making it, and the very real fact that it’s probably not worth it financially for either party involved. Still, he offered to do it while in school, for no pay.

A year later the progress had been minimal and I realized again, it was way too big a job to be worth doing at all. I seriously don’t know how making these free apps is worth it for anyone.

Jesus Dressapp Attempt #4

Finally earlier this year, around March, I was contacted by another Jesus Dressup fan, Mirko Bonasorta from Italy, offering to make the app for Droid as long as he could get named credit. I did the usual “It’s a bigger job than you think, and afterwards it’ll be rejected for being offensive” speech. But as long as his name could be credited for making it he was willing to give it a shot, no charge. He sent me video of how it’d play, and several months later it was done. That was last week.

Less than 24 hours later it was deleted from Google Play for being too sexually explicit. So we removed the BDSM option, and just in case we also removed the Nazi stuff from the Final Justice version, and now it’s back up. And that is where we stand.

Playthrough of the 2016 Jesus Dressapp for Android

It has almost every version of Jesus Dressup I’ve ever made included, it’s FREE, and it even has a link to my fridge magnets in it!
I have an iPhone so I haven’t played it yet, but after watching the play-through (above) I really wish I had a Droid instead. And the reviews it’s getting are astounding!

Jesus Dressapp Batman screenshot

“Even more fun in app form!”

“I have the magnet set, but now it’s on my PHONE! No more carrying my refrigerator around wherever I go”

“Hilarious”

Even more fun on app form. I love the magnets so the app is even better! I love the villains option, it’s my favorite! Easy to use and fun.”

“Instant classic. Brilliant”

So race to Play Google, download it before it’s deleted again, pass the link onto friends and write a nice review before I’m writing about the Jesus Dressapp 5th Attempt!
Just click on the link below. And if that one’s been deleted you can always get the completely uncensored one here at Evil Apps.

Jesus Dressapp for Droid on Google Play

Accomplished January

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo art
Lisbeth (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) digitized in Adobe Illustrator

Today is the day I was scheduled to fly back to the city after an entire month here in the midwest. That is until “The Storm Of The Century” hit and brought everything in New York to a screeching halt.
No open businesses.
No vehicles on the streets.
No food delivery! And certainly no airports. So I’m adding a few more days to this visit.

My initial goals for January were to learn WordPress, build the site you’re looking at now with that knowledge, and do art. Lots of art. All of these things I swept through painlessly, and I want to share with you these accomplishments now.

Lisbeth

I’m not sure how I went so long without ever drawing Lisbeth , but the other evening when I sat down to do so, the sketch took me about 20 minutes. Then it was completely digitized (above) before I called it a night. Tell me this though – How is it that I draw what I consider to be this striking black & white portrait, post it on Facebook, and it gets just 2 Likes? Has she already been forgotten? Was the remake despised that unanimously? What the hell happened? Anyhow, no matter what people think, this piece is one of several proud accomplishments of January.

Danni Daniels

TS Danni Daniels art
Porn Star Danni Daniels digitized in Adobe Illustrator for dressup game

One of the most exciting things that occurred this month happened as the result of a simple pen & ink portrait I drew of this infamous porn star & performance artist. I was dumbfounded when she made it her profile pic on Facebook. Then it turns out she loved it so much that we’re now working on an entire dressup game to go with it! It’s turning into the most outrageous game I’ve ever worked on. And if you don’t know who Danni Daniels is, Grace Jones referred to her as “the white me.” I will surely keep you up to date on this unprecedented project.

The Sauce

Cute muscular girl in fuzzy white cat costume art
The Sauce (close up) Digitized in Adobe Illustrator

I don’t remember how or when I first stumbled across “The Sauce” on Facebook, but when I did I knew I had to draw her. She’s real life Pippi Longstocking all grown up living out her dreams in the Burning Man universe. I’m just stunned by her. Something I don’t think I was able to keep any kind of a secret in this piece.

The Old & the New

The other accomplishment of the month was learning WordPress with the assistance of the Lynda.com tutorials, and building my new site. Yes, I’ve finally dragged myself out of the dark ages of the web.

The old site at normalbobsmith.com shall remain in tact, but I do not plan to post new content there ever again. For 15 years I’ve been maintaining that URL. Can you believe it? Perhaps I’ll turn it into a complete archive of the site’s history? It could include a tribute to the different elaborate front pages I’ve had over the last decade and a half. Maybe adding back the long lost Super Chic pages and the Unholy Army adventures? A complete archive of everything I’ve done there since Sept 2000. That could be really fun.

From now on though, everything’s going to be here. I’ll be adding the Amazing Strangers section next month, a new art portfolio, and lots more. If you’re finding yourself snowed in with nothing to do, check out the “Select Month” & “Select Category” tabs in the left sidebar. I plan to update those areas with some of the best content from the past, as well as some never before seen blogs I’ve recently run across. You see, back in ’08 I actually went and saved all of my MySpace blogs before they erased everything. How many of you thought that far ahead? I’ve already started incorporating them into the backlog. And while you’re at it, take a look at the new store, and the Mohammed dressup games brought center stage for all the obvious reasons.  It’s safe to say I’m really looking forward to seeing where this new site leads.