Category Archives: Anthropology

Mostly Amazing Strangers

Banishing Christians from Union Square

Yesterday evening at Union Square I lost it. I was there by myself watchin’ Skater Bob’s bag while he skated around the park, and these blond Christian people came from behind me and started in on this black man sitting next to me. They asked him the last time he’d been to church and if he’d ever heard of Bla-bla Church of Times Square, or something.

It was two of those typical white, suburban, southern, middle age mothers and they had like 3 or 4 kids with them, ages 14 to 17, something like that, and they were all standing over this older black man next to me, treating him like a poor soul. I sat there listening to them getting all worked up, watching these adults demonstrate to these kids how to spread their misinformation to the weak. I saw a couple of the kids looking at me out of the corner of their eye. I know they noticed my tattoos, and that I could overhear them. This went on for like 10 miniutes. Then Bob skated up, and I was trying to control myself, and I handed him a handful of God is Fakes, and he immediately started giving them to the ladies, and then he skated off. Without even looking at what he gave them they looked at me and said “How are you? Are you interested in hearing about the love of Christ?” or something along those lines, and I let go.

I said to them, “I think it’s appalling what you’re doing, spreading this misinformation to others based solely on faith!” And there was one mid-twenties guy with them, total Christian zombie saying, “You haven’t heard our true message of love.” His eyes were deer-in-the-headlights, and he wanted these kids to all turn into him. I was getting more and more furious.

Then I said, “Ok, answer me one question. I only have one question I want to ask you. I’ll answer ANY questions you’ve got.” Their kids were all gathering around me at this point. “Just answer me this” I said. “You’re all going to heaven, right?” They nodded, sure as ever. “Okay, now my question to you is this. How can you for even a moment enjoy a heaven where your fellow human beings are doused in fire every day for the rest of eternity?”

This twenty-something guy was a broken person. He was reciting rhetoric like, “I am based in love, and Jesus’ love gives everyone a chance to see heaven.” And to him, in front of those kids, I said “I have no idea what you’re saying. Why aren’t you answering my question?” And I took this opportunity to rub it in even deeper. “Kids. There can be no heaven while your fellow human beings suffer in hell for the rest of eternity! Do you understand the horror and dismay of hell? Your friends who don’t believe in Jesus will be choking on flames forever, and you think there’s any kind of heaven waiting for you?!? How could you even smile for a minute knowing that people suffer like this??!?” I have to admit I was getting a bit out of control, waving my arms around, my voice raised. The mothers were quickly trying to herd them all away.

None of the adults had any answers for me. And as adults, they were acting as if they were fine with that! That’s what gets me. The frame of mind where you’re an adult running away from a question! I LOVE answering questions! It’s my life’s blood! Then the ladies had the nerve, while they were running from me, to say “Bye now. Have a nice day.” And I lost it.

I shouted at their group as they left “You’re appalling! Kids! Watch your parents run away from a question! I’m asking a simple question and your parents are running away! They say they love people and they run away from their questions! You should be embarrassed and disgusted by them! You people disgust me! I just asked a question and you won’t answer it! You get no ‘Good-bye’ from me!!!”

They gathered in a group with many others about 40 feet behind me. I started talking to the black old guy next to me about how disgusted I was. He was a really great guy, as most old black guys are. He started tellin’ me what they were saying and how they should have answered my question. He also told me that I probably scared them, and that’s why they ran. I look over my shoulder, and they were talking still, the kids all looking at me through the group. They left the park shortly after. I forget how scary an arguing man is when you come from the suburbs. But I was sitting the whole time!

I ended up talking to this guy for an hour or so. The rest of the evening my heart was at a steady pace, and I couldn’t stop reflecting on how horrible it was, and what bad examples these adults were, and how stupid they are. Then I realized, I need a show.

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Encounter with a Child Molester

Current mood: Shitty

I’m back at number one on Google, but Christ, Union Square has been giving me the creeps. Yesterday I was there hangin’ out with Bob, and this girl who’s a junkie, Dawn, came up and sat with us for a bit. Then this 12 yr old black kid on a skateboard came up and said “Hey” to Bob. Then Bob helped him tighten the wheels on his board and before long the kid was hangin’ out. That was fine. But then I got up to take a group picture of us all and when I went to sit back down this weird guy scooted in and sat right next to the 12 yr old.

Child Molester & Kid w/mohawk
Pedo who tried to lure boy with cigarettes at Union Square

I said “Hey, you totally sat in my seat!” kinda suspecting there was something weird about his move, but not exactly sure what. So I’m sitting in between the both of them and the kid asks somebody for a cigarette (yeah, that’s Union. 12 yr olds who smoke) and the guy who sat in my seat leans back and I hear him behind me say to the kid “I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.” No joke.

“I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.”

Of course that guy keeps trying to talk to him, and the kid doesn’t know any better. Just thinks he’s a friendly guy. And the kid makes a joke to the guy pointing at the Junkie girl and sayin’, “Hey you should date this girl!” to him.

Then the guy says, “I should date you.” All of this behind my back thinking I don’t hear him, but I clearly do.

So for me the whole scene changes. I text message Bob “The guy’s a child molester.” When Bob gets the message he says to the kid, “Stay next to me. Don’t talk to that guy.” I take some more pictures of us all, including the NAMBLA guy, and then the guy gets up and goes to the back of the park. While I wasn’t paying attention he had said to the kid “Meet me in the back. I’ll give you all the cigarettes you want.” (The kid told us he said that just before he left)

Kid, Shaggy & Dawn
Kid, Shaggy & Dawn pose while child molester looks on in background

We don’t let the kid go to the back (he was going to go though), and tell him what the deal is. The kid had no clue at all of course. Then we watch the guy stare at the kid from the park. He sat under a tree and peered at the 12 yr old, not taking his eyes off the kid for a second.

So Bob and I had to leave Union, so I had seen this kid hangin’ with an older black guy earlier. So I went and told this guy what had happened. I said “Hey, you know that little kid with the mohawk. well see that guy over there? He asked him on a date, and said if he ever wanted a cigarette just to come to him. And me and my friend were lookin out for him, but now we’re leavin’ so I thought I should tell you.”

So he walked over and watched the guy from afar for a bit, and during that time the kid skateboarded down the sidewalk, and the molester guy followed him. The guy let him follow the kid for awhile, then he approached him, said something to the extent of “If you touch that kid I’ll fucking kill you, you fucking child molester!” The molester then fled the park.

Anyhow, this whole event really left a dirty fucking feeling in me for Union Square. These last couple days since it’s really looked like an fuckin’ mess of dirtbags, and not the good kind. It’s the kind of feeling where you want more love in your life, and less cold ugliness.

Police Close Down Starbucks

police tape in Starbucks
Police shut down Starbucks after someone’s laptop is stolen

In case you were wondering, now if you have your bag stolen at Starbucks in Manhattan the cops rope off the tables with “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS” tape, tell people to leave the tables in the area, and several officers show up to take care of the situation and secure the area. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture! ––

It’s happening right now. No, don’t worry everybody! I’m all right. I wasn’t hurt or anything! I guess maybe someone got there laptop ripped off or something. But the funny thing is, it’s two NYU students who got ripped off (duh), and the guy is using a crutch (guess that could be a reason he was a target/can’t chase). What’s even better is I’ve seen junkies get carried out of here on stretchers and they didn’t waste an inch of police tape on that shit. Hell, I think they even had a half-price-coffee party after that.

Final Justice at Starbucks
Starbucks shut down by police while I’m designing Final Justice Jesus Dressup

Oh yeah, as you can see in that picture I’m working on the new magnets. They’re gonna be the coolest thing yet. No joke. I got both Mansons, Hitler, the KKK, Osama, even Freddy Kruger on the goddamn thing. You ain’t never seen any shit like this before, and you’ll never see it again, so hold your fuckin’ breath. This is black market, back alley crimes right here. The shit’s gonna hit the fan when these get out there, and when it does I’ll be ready.

They’re actually closing this place down because of that stolen bag! Christ. Unbelievable.

Action @ Alt

3pm

Hahaha… okay, I’m in ALT and this homeless junky girl asked this guy here sitting across from her to use his cell phone. So he lends it to her (something I’d never do, nor would any New Yorker in his/her right mind). And she makes her call. Then she gave it back to him.

Then he starts yelling at her for calling South Carolina or some shit. Now he’s up telling the guy who works here, I don’t know what. I’m not exactly sure what he’s tattling on her for, but the guy who works here is comin’ around to talk with her.

Now it’s a shouting match, she’s gotten up and sat somewhere else. The guy who works here now is shouting and telling them, “I’m gonna ask both of you to leave if you don’t shut up!”

Now they’ve both sat down on opposite ends on the place. The guy is still mumbling to himself, peering over his shoulder at her. She’s looking around and pretending to read something, her own cell phone?

I’m guessing he has one of those prepay phones. I’m not familiar with those, but from how he’s behaving it’s cost him around fifty bucks. It’s so funny. He’s acting as if it’s outrageous for some homeless junky squatter chick to take advantage of someone like that.

During the altercation she yelled at him, “I don’t know why it is that italian guys are always yelling at me!”

Then he retorted, “I’m not Italian! And maybe it’s because you use their cell phones to make calls to South Carolina without permission!”

I don’t know. It struck me as a funny line.

This guy isn’t through with this thing yet. He keep looking over his shoulder at her, I’m guessing this is what one would call “Sending bad vibes in her direction.” Not sure if it’s working.

Wait. Maybe it is! Because now she’s looking over her shoulder at him and mouthing words like “dickhead” and “asshole.”

If anything more develops I’ll be sure to give an update.

3:14

Yay! The guy is getting up, packing his things. (C’mon, start shit with her man! She USED you!) Now he’s walking to her…. and he’s said he’s gonna tell the owner or something? Goddammit! I couldn’t hear all of what he said, but Christ, he gave her a tongue lashing and walked out. Both her and the guy who works here are shaking their heads at him as he leaves. It’s funny how something like that can make you think one person is nuts, then it turns out that both people are actually nuts!