Category Archives: Union Square

Christian Sniping at Union Square

So yesterday evening I had another run-in with Christians. This particular group comes with the same Canadian youth pastor every year. (The same guy I met Canadian Jason through from Hate Mail 127, and those Amazing Stranger Xtains from pg 2). He knows me now, and each year he has a new group of Christian kids from some bible-belt state. He came with the group yesterday and they all started singing to his guitar there in the middle of Union Square. I immediately went and tried handing them all God Is Fakes. Some took them, but most refused, stunned at what I was doing. And the pastor guy said “Normal Bob Smith! Good to see ya!” And they continued singing their songs even more confused.

He’s a nice guy, very friendly, kinda looks like a character from Lord Of The Rings. Picture of him: normalbobsmith.com/amazingstrangers/as_02_bob&christians.jpg

This year though, when he came over and said hi, I was of course friendly as ever, but I found myself a little more bothered by what he was doing. I told him “Nothins changed with me, except that maybe now I am more disturbed buy what you’re doing, and the misinformation you’re feeding these kids.”

I also said, “So how do you feel about the bad rap Faith is getting now that you got people using it as an excuse to crash planes into buildings?” He replied, “Well, there are proper uses of faith, and improper uses of it.”

Anyhow, he always brings over several of these kids to meet a real live atheist. That’s me. So I sat with Skater Bob and a few friends and waited. He asked if I’d mind, and of course I did not, so he brought over a group of like 5 kids, all girls, ages 16 to 18. All clueless sheep.

This time, unlike the other times, the Canadian youth pastor simply walked the kids over to me, introduced me, and walked away. I had them all to myself, and they were speechless. They had no idea what to say, so I started it off with a question to them that I was very curious to hear their answer to. I asked them if they had had any other options of beliefs in their lives, or if the only belief they’d ever been introduced to was Christianity. Of course they were all speechless, and after asking the question twice got them to admit that they all only’ve had Christianity as an option. That led me right into telling them to look around, seeing hundreds of different cultures and beliefs around them (on a NYC street), and picturing a paradise for themselves while all of these people burned in hell. I must have come back to that scenario 4 times during our hour visit. And they tried to get out of it with things like “That’s why we’re out here preaching” and “Everyone has the choice, and if they choose to reject God, yadda yadda yadda.” And I would not let it go. Each time I’d come back and say “But you know that these people, people just like me who don’t believe in your god, are going to burn when they die. And you’ll have to deal with knowing that while you sit atop your throne made of cloud up in Heaven!”

It was a very satisfying discussion, mostly because they were inquisitive, at a loss for answers, and blindsided. They wanted to know why I thought it was bad to be a Christian even if it’s pretend, and I told them it was because they were being discouraged to understand the world.

“Do you understand the entire world?” One of them asked.

“Not entirely. But that does not make me stop trying to understand it. You are being told that the different languages started at the Tower Of Babal, when that’s not how languages began. You’re being taught that Adam & Eve was where it all began, when in fact, there are very real answers that science has discovered!”

At one point I brought up the story of Abraham willing to plunge a dagger into the chest of his child for God. The kids said, “But he didn’t! God stopped him!” And I replied, “But he was going to do it! He was going to kill his child for God! What the hell kind of religion are you guys a part of?!? Ask yourself what the hell am I doing supporting this behavior!!!”

Anyhow, I decided that some people come to Union and their thing is hacky-sacking, or skateboarding, or peeping girl’s ass-cracks. Mine is badgering Christians. It’s the most satisfying feeling, and I’ve been enjoying the one on one (or four, or eight, or twenty) more than ever before. I look forward to one day doing this same thing in devil makeup with a camera crew.

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Banishing Christians from Union Square

Yesterday evening at Union Square I lost it. I was there by myself watchin’ Skater Bob’s bag while he skated around the park, and these blond Christian people came from behind me and started in on this black man sitting next to me. They asked him the last time he’d been to church and if he’d ever heard of Bla-bla Church of Times Square, or something.

It was two of those typical white, suburban, southern, middle age mothers and they had like 3 or 4 kids with them, ages 14 to 17, something like that, and they were all standing over this older black man next to me, treating him like a poor soul. I sat there listening to them getting all worked up, watching these adults demonstrate to these kids how to spread their misinformation to the weak. I saw a couple of the kids looking at me out of the corner of their eye. I know they noticed my tattoos, and that I could overhear them. This went on for like 10 miniutes. Then Bob skated up, and I was trying to control myself, and I handed him a handful of God is Fakes, and he immediately started giving them to the ladies, and then he skated off. Without even looking at what he gave them they looked at me and said “How are you? Are you interested in hearing about the love of Christ?” or something along those lines, and I let go.

I said to them, “I think it’s appalling what you’re doing, spreading this misinformation to others based solely on faith!” And there was one mid-twenties guy with them, total Christian zombie saying, “You haven’t heard our true message of love.” His eyes were deer-in-the-headlights, and he wanted these kids to all turn into him. I was getting more and more furious.

Then I said, “Ok, answer me one question. I only have one question I want to ask you. I’ll answer ANY questions you’ve got.” Their kids were all gathering around me at this point. “Just answer me this” I said. “You’re all going to heaven, right?” They nodded, sure as ever. “Okay, now my question to you is this. How can you for even a moment enjoy a heaven where your fellow human beings are doused in fire every day for the rest of eternity?”

This twenty-something guy was a broken person. He was reciting rhetoric like, “I am based in love, and Jesus’ love gives everyone a chance to see heaven.” And to him, in front of those kids, I said “I have no idea what you’re saying. Why aren’t you answering my question?” And I took this opportunity to rub it in even deeper. “Kids. There can be no heaven while your fellow human beings suffer in hell for the rest of eternity! Do you understand the horror and dismay of hell? Your friends who don’t believe in Jesus will be choking on flames forever, and you think there’s any kind of heaven waiting for you?!? How could you even smile for a minute knowing that people suffer like this??!?” I have to admit I was getting a bit out of control, waving my arms around, my voice raised. The mothers were quickly trying to herd them all away.

None of the adults had any answers for me. And as adults, they were acting as if they were fine with that! That’s what gets me. The frame of mind where you’re an adult running away from a question! I LOVE answering questions! It’s my life’s blood! Then the ladies had the nerve, while they were running from me, to say “Bye now. Have a nice day.” And I lost it.

I shouted at their group as they left “You’re appalling! Kids! Watch your parents run away from a question! I’m asking a simple question and your parents are running away! They say they love people and they run away from their questions! You should be embarrassed and disgusted by them! You people disgust me! I just asked a question and you won’t answer it! You get no ‘Good-bye’ from me!!!”

They gathered in a group with many others about 40 feet behind me. I started talking to the black old guy next to me about how disgusted I was. He was a really great guy, as most old black guys are. He started tellin’ me what they were saying and how they should have answered my question. He also told me that I probably scared them, and that’s why they ran. I look over my shoulder, and they were talking still, the kids all looking at me through the group. They left the park shortly after. I forget how scary an arguing man is when you come from the suburbs. But I was sitting the whole time!

I ended up talking to this guy for an hour or so. The rest of the evening my heart was at a steady pace, and I couldn’t stop reflecting on how horrible it was, and what bad examples these adults were, and how stupid they are. Then I realized, I need a show.

Encounter with a Child Molester

Current mood: Shitty

I’m back at number one on Google, but Christ, Union Square has been giving me the creeps. Yesterday I was there hangin’ out with Bob, and this girl who’s a junkie, Dawn, came up and sat with us for a bit. Then this 12 yr old black kid on a skateboard came up and said “Hey” to Bob. Then Bob helped him tighten the wheels on his board and before long the kid was hangin’ out. That was fine. But then I got up to take a group picture of us all and when I went to sit back down this weird guy scooted in and sat right next to the 12 yr old.

Child Molester & Kid w/mohawk
Pedo who tried to lure boy with cigarettes at Union Square

I said “Hey, you totally sat in my seat!” kinda suspecting there was something weird about his move, but not exactly sure what. So I’m sitting in between the both of them and the kid asks somebody for a cigarette (yeah, that’s Union. 12 yr olds who smoke) and the guy who sat in my seat leans back and I hear him behind me say to the kid “I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.” No joke.

“I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.”

Of course that guy keeps trying to talk to him, and the kid doesn’t know any better. Just thinks he’s a friendly guy. And the kid makes a joke to the guy pointing at the Junkie girl and sayin’, “Hey you should date this girl!” to him.

Then the guy says, “I should date you.” All of this behind my back thinking I don’t hear him, but I clearly do.

So for me the whole scene changes. I text message Bob “The guy’s a child molester.” When Bob gets the message he says to the kid, “Stay next to me. Don’t talk to that guy.” I take some more pictures of us all, including the NAMBLA guy, and then the guy gets up and goes to the back of the park. While I wasn’t paying attention he had said to the kid “Meet me in the back. I’ll give you all the cigarettes you want.” (The kid told us he said that just before he left)

Kid, Shaggy & Dawn
Kid, Shaggy & Dawn pose while child molester looks on in background

We don’t let the kid go to the back (he was going to go though), and tell him what the deal is. The kid had no clue at all of course. Then we watch the guy stare at the kid from the park. He sat under a tree and peered at the 12 yr old, not taking his eyes off the kid for a second.

So Bob and I had to leave Union, so I had seen this kid hangin’ with an older black guy earlier. So I went and told this guy what had happened. I said “Hey, you know that little kid with the mohawk. well see that guy over there? He asked him on a date, and said if he ever wanted a cigarette just to come to him. And me and my friend were lookin out for him, but now we’re leavin’ so I thought I should tell you.”

So he walked over and watched the guy from afar for a bit, and during that time the kid skateboarded down the sidewalk, and the molester guy followed him. The guy let him follow the kid for awhile, then he approached him, said something to the extent of “If you touch that kid I’ll fucking kill you, you fucking child molester!” The molester then fled the park.

Anyhow, this whole event really left a dirty fucking feeling in me for Union Square. These last couple days since it’s really looked like an fuckin’ mess of dirtbags, and not the good kind. It’s the kind of feeling where you want more love in your life, and less cold ugliness.

Blackout

So Thursday was playin’ out just like every other day; art projects in the morning, jerk off, head to Manhattan around noon, write at the coffee shop until 3 then head over to Union Square to meet my friends. At about 4 I remembered an appointment I had in Williamsburg, so I got on the next eastbound L to Brooklyn.


I don’t know, I was probably sittin’ there thinkin’ about cleavage or something when suddenly the train came to a screeching halt, the lights went out and it was silent. Less than a minute later a voice told us that there had been a power outage and that’s all we were waiting for. It started to get hot as hell. This old black guy started sayin’: Can you feel it gettin’ hotter? Feel it? Feel it?” Everyone on the train felt it and his constant updates were the last things we needed so I told him to “eat shit and die”
… in my thoughts.

As we waited in the train car I realized that we could quite possibly be stuck there for hours. I looked around to see who it’d be that I’d choose to repopulate the world with… you know, in case it was the end of mankind out there and only our train car survived.
None of us knew what the hell was going on, and the same went for the conductors. A good 45 minutes passed and people were starting to get anxious. There were babies and old people on board and the rumor was circulating that we might be walkin’ back through the tunnel. We were under the Hudson river, “in the tube” as they call it, and no one had a clue how deep we’d traveled.

The doors between the cars were unlocked so people started to move back and forth between them. It seemed like a bad idea to climb out into the tunnel in case things started up again, but before I knew it bodies could be seen filing past the windows against the tunnel walls.

It was official then. We were walkin’ back to Manhattan. There was no way these cars were movin’ with people on the tracks. Oddly, there weren’t any giant rats, roaches or infected sewer-bums roamin’ around. In fact, firemen were on the tracks directing people on the path.
It turned out to be a fairly easy stroll. That’s when we got the news that New York was blacked out.

When we popped out into Manhattan and people were everywhere, crowding the sidewalks and streets, streaming out of businesses and crammed into buses and cabs. I was so happy to be stuck on the island. I quickly pushed my way towards Union Square where I knew my friends would be.

It was such a fuckin’ scene; New York turned off electrically, turned on emotionally. There at Union I met up with Skater Bob. It was clear that here was where the party would be tonight. All we had to do was chill.

When the sun went down, that’s when the reality of the blackout set in. The only lights in New York were from automobiles… and those shiny things in outer space. It was the first time those shiny thingies had shown themselves in decades over New York. And the first time public urination had been legal in centuries.
Peering down broadway from Union Square was wonderfully chilling. The street went south into a cave of buildings, traffic dissipated to almost nothing and people stayed in the parks leaving the sidewalks abandoned. 
”That’s what it’ll look like in the end times.” I told Skater Bob, “When Jesus returns to earth for His Second Coming.” 
Then I laughed historically for a good 6 minutes. It was really incredible.

There was a different feeling in the air. I was pickin’ up on girls, and even conned a kiss out of a blond with a great ass (Eva, if you’re reading this I handed out all of your smoothy coupons to every Union Square junky and told them to tell the staff “Eva sent me!”).

Bob and I hung out all night, strolled over to Tompkins Square to watch the idiots feed a bon fire with trash cans, bicycles, skateboards, bottles and their own flesh. The cops were being really cool, letting the idiots be idiots until they wore out or hurt themselves. Christ, I wanted so badly to find someone to have sex in public with before the sun came up. That dream still remains unfulfilled.

At 4:30 AM I caught a cab home. One of the most memorable sights I saw was over my shoulder on the 59th Street Bridge. Manhattan was black against the starry sky. I had to sing praises to the greatest city ever. Now if only it could get me laid.