Category Archives: Amazing Strangers

Banishing Christians from Union Square

June 22, 2006 Normal Bob

Yesterday evening at Union Square I lost it. I was there by myself watchin’ Skater Bob’s bag while he skated around the park, and these blond Christian people came from behind me and started in on this black man sitting next to me. They asked him the last time he’d been to church and if he’d ever heard of Bla-bla Church of Times Square, or something.

It was two of those typical white, suburban, southern, middle age mothers and they had like 3 or 4 kids with them, ages 14 to 17, something like that, and they were all standing over this older black man next to me, treating him like a poor soul. I sat there listening to them getting all worked up, watching these adults demonstrate to these kids how to spread their misinformation to the weak. I saw a couple of the kids looking at me out of the corner of their eye. I know they noticed my tattoos, and that I could overhear them. This went on for like 10 miniutes. Then Bob skated up, and I was trying to control myself, and I handed him a handful of God is Fakes, and he immediately started giving them to the ladies, and then he skated off. Without even looking at what he gave them they looked at me and said “How are you? Are you interested in hearing about the love of Christ?” or something along those lines, and I let go.

I said to them, “I think it’s appalling what you’re doing, spreading this misinformation to others based solely on faith!” And there was one mid-twenties guy with them, total Christian zombie saying, “You haven’t heard our true message of love.” His eyes were deer-in-the-headlights, and he wanted these kids to all turn into him. I was getting more and more furious.

Then I said, “Ok, answer me one question. I only have one question I want to ask you. I’ll answer ANY questions you’ve got.” Their kids were all gathering around me at this point. “Just answer me this” I said. “You’re all going to heaven, right?” They nodded, sure as ever. “Okay, now my question to you is this. How can you for even a moment enjoy a heaven where your fellow human beings are doused in fire every day for the rest of eternity?”

This twenty-something guy was a broken person. He was reciting rhetoric like, “I am based in love, and Jesus’ love gives everyone a chance to see heaven.” And to him, in front of those kids, I said “I have no idea what you’re saying. Why aren’t you answering my question?” And I took this opportunity to rub it in even deeper. “Kids. There can be no heaven while your fellow human beings suffer in hell for the rest of eternity! Do you understand the horror and dismay of hell? Your friends who don’t believe in Jesus will be choking on flames forever, and you think there’s any kind of heaven waiting for you?!? How could you even smile for a minute knowing that people suffer like this??!?” I have to admit I was getting a bit out of control, waving my arms around, my voice raised. The mothers were quickly trying to herd them all away.

None of the adults had any answers for me. And as adults, they were acting as if they were fine with that! That’s what gets me. The frame of mind where you’re an adult running away from a question! I LOVE answering questions! It’s my life’s blood! Then the ladies had the nerve, while they were running from me, to say “Bye now. Have a nice day.” And I lost it.

I shouted at their group as they left “You’re appalling! Kids! Watch your parents run away from a question! I’m asking a simple question and your parents are running away! They say they love people and they run away from their questions! You should be embarrassed and disgusted by them! You people disgust me! I just asked a question and you won’t answer it! You get no ‘Good-bye’ from me!!!”

They gathered in a group with many others about 40 feet behind me. I started talking to the black old guy next to me about how disgusted I was. He was a really great guy, as most old black guys are. He started tellin’ me what they were saying and how they should have answered my question. He also told me that I probably scared them, and that’s why they ran. I look over my shoulder, and they were talking still, the kids all looking at me through the group. They left the park shortly after. I forget how scary an arguing man is when you come from the suburbs. But I was sitting the whole time!

I ended up talking to this guy for an hour or so. The rest of the evening my heart was at a steady pace, and I couldn’t stop reflecting on how horrible it was, and what bad examples these adults were, and how stupid they are. Then I realized, I need a show.

Anthropology, Blog, Union Square

Encounter with a Child Molester

June 7, 2006 Normal Bob

Current mood: Shitty

I’m back at number one on Google, but Christ, Union Square has been giving me the creeps. Yesterday I was there hangin’ out with Bob, and this girl who’s a junkie, Dawn, came up and sat with us for a bit. Then this 12 yr old black kid on a skateboard came up and said “Hey” to Bob. Then Bob helped him tighten the wheels on his board and before long the kid was hangin’ out. That was fine. But then I got up to take a group picture of us all and when I went to sit back down this weird guy scooted in and sat right next to the 12 yr old.

Child Molester & Kid w/mohawk — Pedo who tried to lure boy with cigarettes at Union Square

I said “Hey, you totally sat in my seat!” kinda suspecting there was something weird about his move, but not exactly sure what. So I’m sitting in between the both of them and the kid asks somebody for a cigarette (yeah, that’s Union. 12 yr olds who smoke) and the guy who sat in my seat leans back and I hear him behind me say to the kid “I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.” No joke.

“I’ll give you a cigarette if you meet me in the back.”

Of course that guy keeps trying to talk to him, and the kid doesn’t know any better. Just thinks he’s a friendly guy. And the kid makes a joke to the guy pointing at the Junkie girl and sayin’, “Hey you should date this girl!” to him.

Then the guy says, “I should date you.” All of this behind my back thinking I don’t hear him, but I clearly do.

So for me the whole scene changes. I text message Bob “The guy’s a child molester.” When Bob gets the message he says to the kid, “Stay next to me. Don’t talk to that guy.” I take some more pictures of us all, including the NAMBLA guy, and then the guy gets up and goes to the back of the park. While I wasn’t paying attention he had said to the kid “Meet me in the back. I’ll give you all the cigarettes you want.” (The kid told us he said that just before he left)

Kid, Shaggy & Dawn pose while child molester looks on in background

We don’t let the kid go to the back (he was going to go though), and tell him what the deal is. The kid had no clue at all of course. Then we watch the guy stare at the kid from the park. He sat under a tree and peered at the 12 yr old, not taking his eyes off the kid for a second.

So Bob and I had to leave Union, so I had seen this kid hangin’ with an older black guy earlier. So I went and told this guy what had happened. I said “Hey, you know that little kid with the mohawk. well see that guy over there? He asked him on a date, and said if he ever wanted a cigarette just to come to him. And me and my friend were lookin out for him, but now we’re leavin’ so I thought I should tell you.”

So he walked over and watched the guy from afar for a bit, and during that time the kid skateboarded down the sidewalk, and the molester guy followed him. The guy let him follow the kid for awhile, then he approached him, said something to the extent of “If you touch that kid I’ll fucking kill you, you fucking child molester!” The molester then fled the park.

Anyhow, this whole event really left a dirty fucking feeling in me for Union Square. These last couple days since it’s really looked like an fuckin’ mess of dirtbags, and not the good kind. It’s the kind of feeling where you want more love in your life, and less cold ugliness.

Blog, Final Justice Jesus, Starbucks

Police Close Down Starbucks

January 9, 2006 Normal Bob

police tape in Starbucks — Police shut down Starbucks after someone’s laptop is stolen

In case you were wondering, now if you have your bag stolen at Starbucks in Manhattan the cops rope off the tables with “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS” tape, tell people to leave the tables in the area, and several officers show up to take care of the situation and secure the area. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture! ––

It’s happening right now. No, don’t worry everybody! I’m all right. I wasn’t hurt or anything! I guess maybe someone got there laptop ripped off or something. But the funny thing is, it’s two NYU students who got ripped off (duh), and the guy is using a crutch (guess that could be a reason he was a target/can’t chase). What’s even better is I’ve seen junkies get carried out of here on stretchers and they didn’t waste an inch of police tape on that shit. Hell, I think they even had a half-price-coffee party after that.

Final Justice at Starbucks — Starbucks shut down by police while I’m designing Final Justice Jesus Dressup

Oh yeah, as you can see in that picture I’m working on the new magnets. They’re gonna be the coolest thing yet. No joke. I got both Mansons, Hitler, the KKK, Osama, even Freddy Kruger on the goddamn thing. You ain’t never seen any shit like this before, and you’ll never see it again, so hold your fuckin’ breath. This is black market, back alley crimes right here. The shit’s gonna hit the fan when these get out there, and when it does I’ll be ready.

They’re actually closing this place down because of that stolen bag! Christ. Unbelievable.

Blog, News, Union Square

Blackout

August 15, 2003 Normal Bob

So Thursday was playin’ out just like every other day; art projects in the morning, jerk off, head to Manhattan around noon, write at the coffee shop until 3 then head over to Union Square to meet my friends. At about 4 I remembered an appointment I had in Williamsburg, so I got on the next eastbound L to Brooklyn.   I don’t know, I was probably sittin’ there thinkin’ about cleavage or something when suddenly the train came to a screeching halt, the lights went out and it was silent. Less than a minute later a voice told us that there had been a power outage and that’s all we were waiting for. It started to get hot as hell. This old black guy started sayin’: Can you feel it gettin’ hotter? Feel it? Feel it?” Everyone on the train felt it and his constant updates were the last things we needed so I told him to “eat shit and die” … in my thoughts.

As we waited in the train car I realized that we could quite possibly be stuck there for hours. I looked around to see who it’d be that I’d choose to repopulate the world with… you know, in case it was the end of mankind out there and only our train car survived.
None of us knew what the hell was going on, and the same went for the conductors. A good 45 minutes passed and people were starting to get anxious. There were babies and old people on board and the rumor was circulating that we might be walkin’ back through the tunnel. We were under the Hudson river, “in the tube” as they call it, and no one had a clue how deep we’d traveled.

Reflective fireman leads the way in subway tunnel

Walking back to Manhattan in the L train-tunnel

The doors between the cars were unlocked so people started to move back and forth between them. It seemed like a bad idea to climb out into the tunnel in case things started up again, but before I knew it bodies could be seen filing past the windows against the tunnel walls.

It was official then. We were walkin’ back to Manhattan. There was no way these cars were movin’ with people on the tracks. Oddly, there weren’t any giant rats, roaches or infected sewer-bums roamin’ around. In fact, firemen were on the tracks directing people on the path.
It turned out to be a fairly easy stroll. That’s when we got the news that New York was blacked out.

When we popped out into Manhattan and people were everywhere, crowding the sidewalks and streets, streaming out of businesses and crammed into buses and cabs. I was so happy to be stuck on the island. I quickly pushed my way towards Union Square where I knew my friends would be.

It was such a fuckin’ scene; New York turned off electrically, turned on emotionally. There at Union I met up with Skater Bob. It was clear that here was where the party would be tonight. All we had to do was chill.

When the sun went down, that’s when the reality of the blackout set in. The only lights in New York were from automobiles… and those shiny things in outer space. It was the first time those shiny thingies had shown themselves in decades over New York. And the first time public urination had been legal in centuries.
Peering down broadway from Union Square was wonderfully chilling. The street went south into a cave of buildings, traffic dissipated to almost nothing and people stayed in the parks leaving the sidewalks abandoned.  ”That’s what it’ll look like in the end times.” I told Skater Bob, “When Jesus returns to earth for His Second Coming.”  Then I laughed historically for a good 6 minutes. It was really incredible.

There was a different feeling in the air. I was pickin’ up on girls, and even conned a kiss out of a blond with a great ass (Eva, if you’re reading this I handed out all of your smoothy coupons to every Union Square junky and told them to tell the staff “Eva sent me!”).

Bob and I hung out all night, strolled over to Tompkins Square to watch the idiots feed a bon fire with trash cans, bicycles, skateboards, bottles and their own flesh. The cops were being really cool, letting the idiots be idiots until they wore out or hurt themselves. Christ, I wanted so badly to find someone to have sex in public with before the sun came up. That dream still remains unfulfilled.

At 4:30 AM I caught a cab home. One of the most memorable sights I saw was over my shoulder on the 59th Street Bridge. Manhattan was black against the starry sky. I had to sing praises to the greatest city ever. Now if only it could get me laid.